My Notebook Will Explain
by xiiluvyuhhx
Summary: The juniors are given a pen pal project for the summer. Who is this mysterious "Insane of Mind" Bella keeps writing to? Who is "Quite Clumsy" Edward is falling in love with? What happens when they start pouring their souls out to each other? AH, OOC
1. Prolouge

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer's. Duh.**

**Oh yeah, and sorry about the poopy pennames that Edward and Bella have, I'm not smart enough for stuff like that(:**

* * *

BPOV

"…Remember, this assignment will be worth a lot of extra credit, so I would advise you to complete it," Mr. Mason was explaining to the class. That was the only part of his speech that I actually heard, the rest of it was just mindless talk in the background. I was currently sitting in my English class, and, after drifting off into my thoughts a long while ago, staring out the window and into the downpour outside. It was the very end of school, only about three days left until we were unleashed into the rain and other ridiculous weather troubles for three months, the season that the good people of Forks, Washington call summer.

I had just now come to the realization that we actually were doing something that involved thinking, obviously, and I had no idea what it was. I searched my mind, struggling to remember if I had heard the concept of the assignment.

I hadn't. Pouting, I decided to ask the girl sitting next to me, Jessica Stanley, if she knew what we were doing.

"Were you not paying attention?" Jessica said when I asked. She was evidently irritated.

I shook my head no and smiled sheepishly.

Jessica sighed and attempted to explain. "We're writing notes to other members of the junior student body. Basically, everyone is required to do it, but the teachers say it's just extra credit. But you don't use your real name. You make up a penname, write it down, and put it in that big ugly hat sitting up at the front. Mr. Mason will shake all the names up, and you draw out a new name. You don't know who you get, just their penname. We write to that person all summer, and turn in three notes to our English teacher next year for extra credit. I don't know what it's supposed to help us do, but, whatever, like I really care anyways."

I pretended like I understood, widening my eyes in false comprehension and nodding vigorously.

Jess saw right through that. "Bella, it's really not that hard to acquire. Think of it as a pen pal, only with a funky name."

"Oh, okay. I think I get it now. Thanks, Jess!" I said, my brain finally wrapping around this simple project.

At that moment, Mr. Mason called, "Okay, I want you all to write down your desired penname. Please make sure it does not release too much information about yourself, as you don't want to spoil the surprise! I will come around and collect them in a moment."

I ripped off a sheet of paper for myself before tearing off another for Jessica and handing it to her, carefully thinking of what I wanted my alias to be. I was incredibly clumsy, but everyone knew that. I couldn't walk across a horizontal surface without falling on my face, much less a slanted one. Everyone also knew that my name was Bella Swan, the Police Chief's seventeen-year-old daughter. I bit my lip in concentration, having no clue as to what my penname should be. Well, the clumsy part was my only lead; besides, there were tons of awkward people in my class, no one would know it was me. Finally settling on a stupid false name, I folded my slip of paper and waited patiently for Mr. Mason to walk around to my desk.

While I was waiting, I was tempted to peek over at what name Jessica had picked, but if I picked her name, where would the fun in that be? I closed a fist around my slip and folded my hands together, looking down at them.

"Miss Swan, Miss Stanley?" Mr. Mason asked, appearing in between my desk and Jessica's. He shoved a black top hat under my nose and watched my paper flit inside, landing gracefully on top of other pieces of lined parchment.

* * *

EPOV

This assignment is completely pointless. I mean, we're seventeen. We _know _how to write letters and use correct grammar. If we were being forced to do this, would be so hard to be allowed to do it via instant messaging? Using the post takes _forever. _

I vaguely wondered who I would get as a "pen pal". Hah, think of how weird it would be if I got Alice as my partner. I snorted to myself.

Alice Cullen was my sister. She was also sitting right next to me, rattling on about what alias I should choose. She would already know what I was going to pick as my penname, she'll no doubt peek when I eventually got around to writing it down. Mr. Mason was walking around the room, collecting scraps of paper from the other students.

I sat in my desk, staring blankly at my bit of paper, mulling over what stage name I should choose.

Alice was still chattering at top speed. "..You may also want to try 'the silent man', since you're very quiet most of the time or something like 'the piano boy' since you play the piano very well and also, you play it a lot, so… O-M-G you could call yourself 'Mr. I-Think-I-Know-Everything' because that's so totally true, you like to think you can read minds or someth-"

I cut her off with a loud, "Alice!" and she quickly shushed herself and looked over at me, eyes wide.

"What is it, dear brother?" she asked, her eyes wide with false innocence.

"I'm just going to come up with something on my own, Miss," -I glanced at her fragment of paper- "Pixie? What is _that_? I think you should stick with something more like 'hobbit'. It's much more fitting."

Alice just rolled her eyes. "Just write something down, quickly, Mr. Mason is coming over fast."

I swiftly grabbed my pen and scrawled down _Insane of Mind. _

Don't ask me why I picked that, though, because I had no idea, my hand just wrote it automatically. Well, technically it is true. I am insane, mostly the cause of living with a hyperactive sister. And what Alice had said was true, partly: I _did _like to think that I could understand people's thoughts better than most. I was a pro at reading people's facial expressions.

Now, dropping my piece of lined paper in Mr. Mason's battered old top hat, I wished I had changed my name. It's so stupid! Why wasn't I more creative? I shouldn't have ignored Alice when she was trying to help me; she was the most right-brained person I knew.

_Well, too late now. _I thought to myself. _Just hope that whoever your pen pal is has a retarted name, too. _

Sighing, I rested my chin on my hand and idly watched the teacher finish gathering the names and move back to the front of the room.

Mr. Mason shuffled the hat around, and the swishing sound of paper could be heard throughout the room.

He moved back around the way he came, letting my classmates stick their hands inside the cap and pull out bits of parchment.

When he reached mine and Alice's desks, Alice sucked in her breath and plunged her hand into the papery mass.

I followed suit.

Slowly unfolding the paper, I glanced up once, looking promptly around the space, before looking back at the paper.

Inside the fold was two words, and there was no denying that it was as brainless as mine, because it was. I chuckled to myself as I read the words:

"_Quite Clumsy." _

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	2. Fall For You

_So breathe in so deep,  
Breathe me in.  
I'm yours to keep,  
And hold onto your words  
'Cause talk is cheap,  
And remember me tonight  
When you're asleep._

-Fall For You, Secondhand Serenade

* * *

BPOV

Looking down at the words scribbled onto the paper, I felt very confused.

_Insane of Mind? _I mean, that's almost as stupid as _my _pen name.

I glanced up and turned around in my seat to look at my best friend, Alice Cullen.

Alice wasn't looking back at me. She was talking with her brother, Edward. My eyes flashed to his face, and I immediately looked back at Alice: looking at Edward for too long might cause flies to start nesting in your mouth.

Alice's head snapped over to look at me. I grinned at her, and she flashed a smile back. She kept her eyes on me as she whispered to Edward.

Lord only knows what Alice could be talking about.

Jessica Stanley, my neighbor, poked me with the end of her pen. "Who'd you get?"

I shoved her my paper and made a face.

"Insane of Mind?" Jess asked, incredulous. "That name is almost as bad as _yours._"

"Gee, thanks, Jess. I'm glad you noticed my lack of creativity and all, but can I have my paper back?" I felt like staring at it some more. Why? No idea. Maybe it was because the writer had pretty handwriting. Maybe because I like internally making fun of it. But I haven't done that yet, so I'll stick with the former.

I heard a trilling voice call my name from behind me.

I spun to see Alice, looking amused. I wonder how long she'd been calling. Hmmm.

"Yes, Alice?" I asked in a politely amused tone.

She was trying to hold back giggles. Well, I was, too.

Let me explain about my friend Alice. Her mind can go off into twenty directions at once, I'm pretty sure she's ADD, she likes to speak in confusing riddles all the time (key word confusing), she always knows more than she should (whether it's a secret, gossip, or something else, she always knows. It's really weird, actually), she's tiny, yet she talks faster than she can drive (which is fast), and often bursts out laughing at things that happened the day before. I picked up the latter habit from her. It's very bizarre.

Alice answered me in a low voice I had to strain to hear, and her eyes flashed to Mr. Mason and back to me. "Who did you get?" Oh no. That was Alice's curious face. I've learned to fear that face.

I covered my mouth from Edward so he couldn't see and mouthed "Insane of Mind?"

Alice laughed aloud and mouthed me her partner's name. "At Your Service?"

My turn to laugh! Ha, ha, ha, ha. I think everyone picked out dumb names.

Whatever. I didn't have time to bash people's names. I was too nice for that. Te bell rang, anyway, and Alice was waiting at the door for me.

"Aloha, Bella!"

"Er… Aloha, Alice? What's with the Hawaiian?"

"Oh, I don't know, I just think the word 'hello' is way overused. Don't you think?"

"Uh, sure, Alice."

Alice smiled in satisfaction that I agreed with her. As she always does, even when I'm sarcastic.

Sighing and shaking my head in Alice-exasperation, I asked, "What were you and your brother talking about earlier?"

Alice's eyes tightened, but her ever-present smile was still in place. "I have no idea what you're talking about Bella. See you after Gym!"

Alice hurried toward her next class as I groaned. Gym.

We were playing kickball outside in the baseball field, and kickball and klutzes named Bella Swan don't mix all that well.

Fifty minutes later, I was released to the dressing rooms. I had managed to do this awesome (not) flip-thing when I tried to kick, and ended up whacking myself in the forehead with my foot while my shoe sailed off and hit Tyler Crowley on the top of his crown, all the while having to listen to Jessica and Mike Newton cry laughing at my expense.

Oops.

I didn't even get to skip class to go to the nurse!

Grrrr.

I got dressed slowly, knowing that Alice would be waiting impatiently outside for me, and I was mad at her for the fact that once I realized her tactic earlier was to distract me from her conversation with Edward with things like the word "Gym."

I shuddered thinking the word.

When I was outside, Alice was babbling to me before I even reached her. "So what are you going to do for summer, Bella? I mean, we only have, like, one day left."

Oh today was the second-to-last day? Hmm. "I'm sleeping and eating."

"And shopping."

Wha? No! "But Aaaaallllliiiiiccccceeeee!" I whined. "I don't wanna go shopping!"

Oh! I didn't know we were walking. That is until I ran into something with an "oof!"

"Oh, sorry!" a voice said.

Whoa. Edward Cullen has a voice just like that. I could get _lost_ inside that voice.

My theory was proven correct by Alice's annoyed voice. "Edward! You and your retard-o muscles are going to cause her a concussion!"

Well, gee, thanks Alice. You underestimate me so! I meant to say that out loud, but it came out more like a "uughh" instead.

I was on the ground, but not hurt, so that's good. Alice's worried and irritated face swam above me, as did Edward's glorious sheepish one.

"Oops," Edward said, with a low chuckle.

Alice merely glared up at him.

I attempted to sit up. "M'alright. Promise." I was up! Yay! Oh, great, now the world is spinning. But I was up!

Edward help out a hand to help me. I took it and scrambled to my feet, yet feeling shocked at the sensation that shot through my arm. What _was _that?

Edward must have felt it, too, as we both yanked our hands away as quickly as possible.

Awkward.

"Hah, yeah, sorry about that," Edward apologized.

"Oh, it's nothing, honestly. I run into everything. You're no different," I said, laughing.

He laughed, too. "You must be very clumsy then."

I blushed. "Yes, I am. I thought you knew this fact, seeing as I'm at your house almost every day," I said, looking pointedly at Alice, who was trying to scare off the crowd that had formed with bizarre arm motions. I felt my eyebrows knit together then shoot up to my hairline.

Edward sighed. "Yes, but you know Alice. Plus, I'm always at Jasper or Emmett's house, anyways."

"Oh, of course. Emmett McCarty, the senior kid, and Jasper Whitlock, right?"

He nodded then laughed. I looked at him quizzically. He may have the same laughing disorder his sister had.

"Looks like Alice is scaring people off well."

"Ahhh," I said, and then grumbling, "she scares me, too."

Alice was suddenly by my side. "Run along, now, Eddie."

I bit my lip to hide my smile at Edward's facial expression at the name.

"Okay, so call me when you get home and we can make some summer plans. Some today, and some more tomorrow, mmkay?" Alice asked me as Edward shambled off to his friends.

I groaned inwardly, nodded my okay, and hurried off to my Chevy.

* * *

EPOV

Bella Swan was an odd person. Not just because she hangs out with my sister, or because she's so clumsy she's almost disabled, or because she thinks of herself as an unattractive person (which, if I was being honest, she definitely wasn't), but more to me because she always surprises me. It's very hard to read her face. She keeps all her emotions under control, and never lets them show on her face. I guess she'll always surprise me.

Bella was a huge klutz; it was common knowledge to almost the whole school. Could she be my pen pal? Not that I really cared. We only had to keep three letters and show them to the teacher. That's all we were required to write. I'll do no more than that.

I reached my friends, Emmett and Jasper, and they were laughing at me when I walked up to them, my face puzzled. "What?"

"Nothing, you just ran into a girl because of me," Emmett guffawed, clapping me on the back.

I narrowed my eyes.

"Aw, come on, Edward, lighten up. At least it was your sister. And her best friend, but Bella Swan runs into everything, so that okay," Emmett said. "Did you see her in Gym, Jasper?"

Jasper, who was staring off into space, collected himself, scrambled to remember what we were talking about, and then answered, "Oh, yeah, when she hit herself in the head with her foot while her shoe hit that little Crowley kid?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah, that was hilarious. I think she's a multi-tasker, mate," Jasper said, elbowing me and raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, come on, guys, I really don't feel like standing at the school for hours talking," I said hastily, wanting to get the subject of girls away from me.

I really didn't like girls all that much. Most of them either love me too much, like, on the obsessive side, or they hate my guts. It's insane.

"Right. Bye, guys. Just text me later, I'm going to see a movie with Rosalie Hale tonight," Emmett said, climbing into his Jeep.

"Yeah, see you, Edward." Jasper waved then disappeared into his car.

I slowly ambled over to my Volvo, opened the door, and drove away onto the wet roads.

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	3. All At Once

_There are certain people_

_You just keep coming back to,_

_She is right in front of you_

_Sometimes the Hardest thing _

_and the Right thing are the same._

_-_All At Once, the Fray

* * *

BPOV

When I got home, I immediately walked into the kitchen and hung up my jacket.

After that simple feat was accomplished, I stalled.

I really didn't want to talk to Alice about the summer. There was nothing to _do _over summer. Of course, Alice would haul me to eighty different malls and give me ninety different makeovers, but that doesn't count.

That is not fun.

Look up the word "torture" in the dictionary.

See that picture?

Yeah, that's Alice, with a curling iron.

Her favorite weapon against me.

I cooked Charlie and I some spaghetti for supper and cleaned the small mess I made thoroughly. Then I went upstairs to get the laundry, folding each item of clothing as carefully as possible and placing my garments in the correct drawers in my bedroom.

Finally, I couldn't put it off any longer. Charlie wasn't going to be home any time soon and I had nothing better to do. Sighing, I wandered over to where the phone was and dialed the Cullen's number.

Alice picked up on the first ring. "Bella! I've been waiting for you to call for _forever_! We got out of school, like, two hours ago. What took you so long?"

"Sorry, Alice. I had to, er, make Charlie dinner. And, er, a few other things?" My lie made it sound like a question.

"Oh, whatever. You were so stalling."

I laughed hollowly. "Yes. Yes, I was."

I barely heard the musical chuckle in the background at my comment; Alice's "harrumph" of outrage was quite loud.

Alice suddenly wasn't talking to me anymore. Ahhh. So that's who had the beautiful laugh. Her voice was muffled as she spoke to her brother. "…Edward, if you're going to eavesdrop on my conversations, you might as well be part of them."

"Okay, then. I'll grab the phone upstairs and we can talk three-way."

I heard Alice's answering grumble before her voice was directed to me again. "Edward is joining our conversation, Bella. I hope you don't mind: he's stronger than me."

I had no idea what she meant by that. Who isn't stronger than Alice?

_You._

Pfft. Shut up, brain.

"Oh, uhm, that's fine," I said in a small voice as I heard the other line pick up.

"Hullo?" came Edward's voice.

I heard Alice sigh before she addressed me for the second time. "Yeah, so anyway. I was thinking that on the first day of summer, we can both sleep in. Lord knows how much we need it. Then the next day, we can take it easy again, maybe go out to eat or catch a movie at the house or something. Then -" Alice gasped, remembering something of vital importance. "O-M-G we have to help Rosalie move into her new dorm room! Awww. I'm going to miss her."

Rosalie Hale was my favorite senior, she was friendly, beautiful, kind, smart, and always helped me fix my truck.

"Yeah, I will, too," I told Alice, sighing. "I suppose this calls for a shopping spree for not only new clothes, but also for paint, furniture, and appliances?"

"Of course!" Alice answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which, it probably was, in _her _world.

Edward's line had been quiet up until now. "Rosalie Hale? She's going to the movies tonight with Emmett, right? Ooooh, that's the chick that you always talk about, Al!"

"That's great, Edward. But we already knew she was going out with Emmett McCarty tonight. Rose has been gushing about it all week," said Alice, ignoring Edward's comment about Rosalie.

"Well, sorry for sharing my knowledge with you, Ali," Edward retorted.

I could imagine Alice's eyes flash at the nickname. "Don't. Call. Me. Ali," she growled.

"Uhhh, guys? Back to my suffering, remember?" I said, not wanting a sibling showdown.

"Oh, right. Well, we could always just let whatever happens, happen. Planning out summer is too hard, especially with all those wack-o weathermen that have no idea what they're doing," Alice concluded. Why couldn't she think of this before?

I heard a car pull into the driveway. Oh! Charlie. Forgot about him.

"I have to go, guys," I said tentatively, fearing Alice's response. Alice never cared whether Charlie was home or not, and her reaction to me going off the phone was always different.

Alice was cool with that. "Okay! Bye, Bella!" she sang, her line hanging up.

"Yeah, bye, Bella," said Edward uncertainly. Why was he uncertain? Who cares. The door opened.

"Bye," I said, hanging up.

"Hey, Bells!" came Charlie's disembodied voice from the front door. Then his body was in the kitchen, and he plopped himself down at the table.

"Hey, Dad," I answered, setting a plate of food in front of him.

"Looks good, kid."

"Thanks," I said, stabbing a meatball with my fork. "How was work?"

"I was bored out of my mind. I played Connect-Four with some co-workers, but I have no idea who brought the game."

Connect-Four? Whatever. I just wanted to sleep.

"That's cool."

"Yup. How was school?"

"Boring, as usual. We got a summer project today."

"Oh really? What is it?"

I could tell he wasn't really very interested. "Oh, nothing, just writing to a pen pal."

"Hmm. Sounds like fun. Well, there's a baseball game on tonight, and I kind of -"

"Okay, Dad," I laughed, grabbing his plate, which he had taken into his hands, about to stand up and put in the sink, and moving to wash it. Charlie beamed.

"Thanks, kiddo."

"No problem, Dad."

Charlie sauntered into the living room and planted himself on the couch.

I rinsed off the plates and made my way upstairs to get ready for bed.

* * *

EPOV

I hung up the phone and heard tiny footsteps quickly padding their way into my room.

Sighing, I wheeled around to face the entrance to the room, in which Alice would soon be appearing.

The door banged open, and my sister flitted to my side.

"Well?" she asked.

"Well what?"

"Our conversation in class. Have you done it yet?"

Whoa. What conversation?

Oh.

_That _conversation.

"You mean the 'Tanya' conversation?"

"Yes."

I bit my lip; not something I usually do. I was suddenly very nervous.

Earlier that day, Alice had caught me staring at Tanya Walker, and demanded to know why. I told her I had a fancy in Tanya, and earlier in Biology she pestered me into asking Tanya out. I was supposed to do it during my last class, but I couldn't do it, I was too scared. Then Emmett and Jasper started making fun of me for it, and I was talking to them after class on the blacktop, walking backward. It was then that I ran into Bella Swan.

"No," I responded.

Alice was disappointed. "Edward, What did I tell you earlier?"

A lot of things. "Uhm. False…?" I answered, not having an answer to my sister's question.

"No, Eddie," Alice said, sighing. I cringed at the name. "I told you I was a girl. Girls know a lot more things than you do."

"You're such a sexist."

"And you're blind. She has a crush on you, Edward!"

I didn't comprehend.

"Here, let me break it down for you," Alice said clearly, slowly. "Tanya. Like. Edward."

"I'm not three," I snorted.

Alice rolled her eyes. "When it comes to things like this, you are. Now, I have a present for you."

Present? I perked up.

Alice, noticing this, laughed.

Then she hit me.

Hard.

Well, that was unexpected.

"What was that for?" I wheezed. Wow, Alice had muscles.

"For being a jackass."

"Well, gee thanks." Heavy sarcasm.

"You're welcome. You can go nurse your wounded ego now," she said, turning to dance out the door.

* * *

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	4. I'm With You

_There's nothing but the rain,  
No footsteps on the ground;  
I'm listening but there's no sound._

-I'm With You, Avril Lavigne

* * *

BPOV

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! BBBBEEEEEEEEPPP!!_

Ugh. Alarm clock. I reached over to my bedside table, intending to smack the 'snooze' button, but instead becoming entangled in my covers and toppling onto the floor.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"Shut up!" I grumbled to the floor. Why did I have an alarm clock again?

_To throw at Charlie when he wakes you up for school, duh._

Oh, shut up, Brain.

Then it hit me. School!

I blearily scrambled to me feet, slammed my fist onto the 'off' button the the alarm clock, and quickly got ready for school. And in my haste I didn't have time to eat breakfast, brush my teeth (they felt nasty at the moment), or brush my hair (which I managed to throw up into a messy ponytail).

I was in the process on cramming my keys into my old Chevy when I realized that it was officially summer. I was free!

Now, time to sleep.

I clambered out of my car, fled up the stairs, and flung myself onto my bed again, fully clothed.

It was a few hours later I roused, wide awake. I was wondering why my legs felt so stiff, when I looked down and saw that I had on my blue jeans. Oh, yeah, this morning.

No school!

Ugh.

Alice.

The phone rang downstairs, and I swiftly rose from bed and ran down the stairs to answer it.

"Hello?" I mumbled.

"Bella?"

Alice. Figures.

"Yeah, hey, Alice."

"Hey. You don't sound good. What did you do?"

"I woke up at six and thought we had school. Then I re-crashed once I realized school was over."

"Silly Bella," Alice chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah," I said. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"I don't know. I'm going to see a movie with Edward today, you know, that new musical movie?" she asked. "Mama Mia?"

"Oh, yeah, Rotten Tomatoes gave it a great review."

"Yes, that. Now, go find something to pass the time."

Translation: do something that does not involve coordination or stupidity.

I sighed. "Okay. Have fun, Alice."

"Bye Bella!" she sang, hanging up.

Now that I was awake, I decided to make myself breakfast. Charlie was long gone at work; he had to have something to do every day for however-many-years he was here alone.

I grabbed a bowl and a box of cereal, pouring the milk in the dish carefully and then sitting down at the table.

When I had finished and rinsed out the bowl in the sink, I was out of tasks to complete.

I glanced at the clock: 12:56 P.M.

Eh.

I ambled up the staircase slowly, thinking of what to do.

Well, there was that pen pal project. I'll do that.

I grabbed a pen and a blank sheet of paper and sat down at my desk, next to the prehistoric computer, and began to write, slightly aimlessly.

_Dear Insane Of Mind,_

_I would like to know why you picked such an odd name. Would you tell me? No, wait, never mind. We aren't supposed to give out personal information. _

_So, I'm guessing you're a boy. But that's just what I gathered from your handwriting when I drew your name out of the hat. Maybe we can become friends this way! How cool would that be?! Anyways, I'm going to go mail this now._

_Quite Clumsy_

When I was finished, about forty five minutes later (I spent most of my time staring into space), I reread the letter, deciding it was as stupid (or as good, whichever way you look at it) as it was going to get, and trudged downstairs. After rummaging around in the drawers for another good fifteen minutes for an envelope, the letter was in the mailbox, waiting to be sent to my pen pal. I decided I was going to take this project seriously… for one, it was the first grade of the year next year, and for another, I could actually make friends with this guy.

I knew that I had really stopped writing for lack of anything else to say; and besides, I needed to accomplish Alice's request first: doing something simple without hurting myself. I went back up to my room and grabbed _The Host _by Stephenie Meyer. I then waltzed back downstairs to grab a rarely-used beach towel, and decided to lay outside.

The sun was peeking through the clouds; a fiery orange ball in the sky, teasing all patrons in the area with its light and warmth. The threat of sun in Forks was always an amazing fixation; Forks, Washington was one of the rainiest places in America.

I fanned out the towel and set it on the ground, before plopping myself on top of it and folding my legs underneath me and opening the book to where I had left off; Melenie and Wanda were going on the raid with Jared and Ian.

No matter how interesting Stephenie Meyer's works may be, I still felt my eyelids drifting shut once again. I struggled as I tried to stay awake and read as my subconscious rapidly overcame me.

When I awoke, I quickly noted that what I was laying on was pointy and squishy at the same time. I realized then that I had rolled off the beach towel and onto the grass; or, the mud and a bunch of acorns. I also become conscious of the sky. It was a light plum color with a touch of orange from the setting sun; it was obviously night time.

How many hours of sleep was that all together? Why was I so tired?

I didn't have much time to ponder this, as I heard the squeak of tires as Charlie's cruiser pulled into the driveway.

I mentally slapped myself. Charlie! Why was I always forgetting about him?

"Hey, kiddo!" Charlie called, spotting me sitting upright on the ground.

"Hey, dad. Sorry, I don't have anything cooked for tonight, I kind of fell asleep."

"That's okay. I brought pizza anyways."

Oh. "Okay, sounds good." I smiled.

He grinned his special grin, his eyes crinkling up at the corners with laugh lines, making him look much younger than he was in reality.

I stood up, yanking the towel with me, and bent to retrieve my novel that had somehow been tossed halfway across the tiny lawn. Charlie walked in without me.

When I strode into the house, Charlie was in the process of opening the cardboard pizza box, gun belt and police jacket hung up on the rack in the hall.

We made small talk as he handed me a plate with two slices on it. "Thanks," I said, taking it.

"No sweat," he replied. Charlie then glanced at my plate, then the box, then the plate, then the box, as if having some sort of internal struggle.

He finally shrugged to himself and went to pick up the pizza box with rest of the pizza inside, strolling into the living room to watch TV, as per usual, with a call of "I'm going to go watch the game if you need me, Bells!" over his shoulder.

* * *

EPOV

_Why, oh why, did I let Alice pressure me into seeing that movie? _I thought fruitlessly as my sister and I waltzed out of the movie theatre in Port Angeles.

My stomach growled hungrily due to lack of food all throughout the movie (I mean, what's a movie theatre without a working popcorn machine?) as we walked in the parking lot.

We reached my Volvo, and I hastily climbed into the driver's side, buckled myself in, and jammed the keys into the ignition. Alice giggled at me as she gracefully slid into the passenger side.

We didn't talk much: Alice had turned up the radio and was blasting "Check Yes Juliet" so loudly it made my heartbeat - as well as the car - tremble.

When we arrived at the house, Alice took off to go call Bella Swan and I walked up the stairs slowly.

When I reached my room and shut the door behind me, I saw I had a letter waiting for me on my desk next to my computer.

Hmmm. Wonder who that is from. I opened it warily.

_Dear Insane Of Mind,_

Who was that?

Oh, right.

My false name. This must be my first letter from my pen pal.

_I would like to know why you picked such an odd name. Would you tell me? No, wait, never mind. We aren't supposed to give out personal information. _

_So, I'm guessing you're a boy. But that's just what I gathered from your handwriting when I drew your name out of the hat. Maybe we can become friends this way! How cool would that be?! Anyways, I'm going to go mail this now._

_Quite Clumsy_

I chuckled to myself and swiftly grabbed a pen and a fresh sheet of paper.

_Dear Quite Clumsy_

_Ha ha, Yes, I am a boy, you guessed right. I picked this name because it described me, silly! I actually have a sibling that drives me up the wall, so that's the insane part, and my mind is completely out of order. That's one secret of mine; I think I can understand people better than most. It's very strange. I guess it would be cool to try to be friends, but I don't know how well that will work out with us not know each other. Maybe when school starts again, we can find a place to meet one another. If we choose to actually keep this up, I mean we only have to write three letters. This is my first letter to you, and your letter was the first to me; the first ones to show our teachers. It might be nice to have someone to share secrets to and not know who you are, and you not knowing me. Okay, secret one: I have a pet eyebrow. His name is Earl. Earl is awesome. One of my best friends has a pet knee named Kevin. __Secret two: I can play the piano. My family says I'm very good, so maybe I could play for you sometime if and when we meet. I have to go now - time to eat supper. _

_Insane of Mind_

I sealed the envelope and darted downstairs, hearing my mother's cry of "Edward, time to eat, dear!" and answering back over my shoulder "Hang on one second, Mom!" as I threw open the door and bolted to the mailbox. I stuffed the letter inside, seeing by the light of the streetlamp (it was very dark by now), and rushing to the table where the rest of my family sat.

We said grace and I promptly dug in, eating with zeal from my starvation.

When dinner was finished, I went back to my room, popped in a Linkin Park CD, and the last thing I was conscious of was a sudden, sharp, unknown, and yet empty pain in my heart.

* * *

**A/N: Please review. You all are ah-mazing. Have I already bragged about how much better than HarryPotterFanFiction you are? Well, yeah.**

**Oh yeah, BTW. You guys should SO TOTALLY read The Host. Don't be intimidated by it's thich pages or the very confusing first eighty-one pages. It is more amazing than I can ever describe.**

**Song: Beat It - Fall Out Boy**


	5. Sparks Fly

_Drop everything now  
Meet me in the pouring rain  
Kiss me on the sidewalk  
Take away the pain  
Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile  
Get me with those green eyes, baby  
As the lights go down  
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around  
Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile._

-Sparks Fly, Taylor Swift

* * *

EPOV

The next morning I woke up to a blinding red light behind my lids. I opened them slowly - blinking a few times in the light - and sat bolt upright.

What was that smell? It smelled like… something was… burning?

Ew.

I glanced at my alarm clock. 8:27.

Ugh.

I quickly fled downstairs to see my dad cooking omelets – that's the smell!  
"Whoa, Dad, maybe you should hang on a second there," I said, dashing over to him and grabbing the spatula out of his hand.

Carlisle grinned sheepishly at me. "Sorry, son. How bad is it?"

"If you mean the burning scent, I could smell it from upstairs with the door closed. I'm surprised the fire alarm didn't go off." I went to throw out the blackened omelets into the trashcan as quickly as possible.

"Edward, we disabled the fire alarm after you, Emmett McCarty, and Jasper Whitlock almost burned the house down with a campfire, some s'mores, and a _paintball machine_!"

"Oh, yeah…" I mused, flipping off the stove. "That was fun. We still got to eat the s'mores, too."

Carlisle sighed.

"What?" I asked.

"Now we have no food!" Carlisle pouted.

I laughed. "I'll run to the store and get us more, Dad, don't sweat!"

He nodded and ambled into the living room to plop himself on the sofa and flip on the TV.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, but hurried up the stairs to get dressed to run the grocery store.

I steered the buggy through the isles, completely nonchalant and bored out of my mind, looking at all the foods. I had reached up to grab a box of Pop-Tarts when I saw a flash of gorgeous strawberry blonde hair.

_Oh, my God!_

"Tanya!" I called to her, surprised.

Tanya whirled around. "Oh, hey, Edward!" she called back when she spotted me, walking towards my direction.

"What are you doing here at this time in the morning?" I asked.

She laughed. "Well, my dad burnt the waffles – basically our last particle of food - we'd be famished if I didn't come here."

I laughed, too.

"What about you, Edward? Why are _you _here?" Tanya asked, one eyebrow raised and her smile still in place.

"Oh, same reason you are. Except my dad burned omelets, not waffles." I chuckled lightly at the same time she did.

We stood in a comfortable silence for a moment before I broke it.

"So, I was wondering, what are you doing tomorrow night?"

Tanya's face stayed the same, but I saw her eyes light up a tiny bit.

"Nothing, really, probably just watching a movie at home or something."

I nodded my head, saying "That's cool."

What else was I supposed to say?

Tanya was confused.

"Was there a reason for your asking?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if you would like to go out to dinner with me. We could go bowling or something afterward if you want." I struggled to sound indifferent, but Tanya didn't notice.

"Oh, that would be lovely, Edward!" Tanya exclaimed. "Would you pick me up at five?"

"Sure thing, Tanya."

"Great! See you then!" Tanya stood on her tip-toes to kiss me on the cheek, glided back to her grocery cart, and continued on to the milk isle.

I stood in the middle of the breakfast isle for a second before reaching up to touch the spot on my face Tanya kissed like an idiot in a corny romance movie.

Well, that was easier then I expected.

I swiftly finished the grocery shopping, buzzed through the check-out line, and loaded the bags into the Volvo in a matter of fifteen minutes, and then I was on my way home, all the while knowing I would listen to Alice if there ever was a next time.

* * *

BPOV

The next few weeks passed with no new news whatsoever, and the days were long and boring.

I mean, there was news, BIG news, but I couldn't tell anyone, not yet.

The first few days of summer, Alice and I lulled around, doing absolutely nothing. Then the next thing I knew, I was being dragged to the mall and subjected to makeover torture. We moved on to teasing Edward for a few days, but there was really nothing to tease about, and when we tried to pull (stupid) pranks on him, he somehow always knew exactly what it was, so that plan was quickly stomped on.

Of course, I still remembered my pen pal, Insane of Mind, during all of this. We hadn't written to each other in a long time, and that bugged me, though I couldn't figure out why. It was just this nagging pull on my heart that automatically made my arms reach subconsciously towards my desk, before I realized what I was doing. I didn't even know who he was! I hadn't even responded to his last letter, which he had sent about a month ago.

It wasn't until about three weeks after the letter from Insane of Mind that I got news.

I barged into the Cullen's home without even bothering to knock; they were too used to me coming over every day. "Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen!" I called towards the living room's general direction, where I knew Carlisle and Esme were sitting, watching 'While You Were Out'.

I wandered into the kitchen, where my best friend - no doubt - was.

Alice was sitting at the table, clad in plaid pajama pants and a white tank top, eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.

She didn't even glance up at my entrance; her eyes were fixed intently on her cereal, in which her spoon was stabbing repeatedly.

"Uhm, Alice, what are you doing?" I asked, stepping closer to her.

"Mufetfadamfarfulo," she answered, her mouth filled with breakfast.

Ah, what a proper girl.

"Uh, sorry, I didn't catch that."

Alice swallowed and tried again. "I must get the damn marshmallow."

"Why?"

"Why do you think, Isabella Swan?"

Uhm.

Alice understood my silence and answered her own question. "Because the marshmallows are the best part! Aha!" Alice held up the spoon of Lucky Charms triumphantly, having caught her marshmallow, only to have it slip off again. Alice swore loudly just as Edward walked in.

"Now, Alice, really. You shouldn't be saying words like that. If you do, you should go hang out with some of the Indians down at First Beach. I hear they have a very colorful vocabulary," Edward said conversationally, as if talking about the weather. He went to the fridge to grab a Sprite.

Alice grumbled in response. "Go play with your girlfriend, Eddie."

Edward's eyes narrowed and his hand tightened on his soda can. "Tanya is busy today with her cousins, Kate and Irina."

Alice snorted but didn't press it; she had her nose in her cereal bowl again, only this time she was drinking out all the milk.

She slammed the bowl down and jumped up, padded over to me to grab my hand, and yanked me up the stairs to her room.

Alice changed in the closet while I lazed around on her bed.

"So, Edward asked out Tanya Walker?"

"Yes. He asked her out at the grocery store about two weeks ago." Alice's following snort was muffled by the closet door.

"About time. I was getting so sick of Tanya talking about him in the dressing room in Gym."

Alice mumbled something incoherent. I kept on talking.

"They're, like, best friends, aren't they? Haven't they known each other since junior high?"

"Yeah. Tanya was really annoying then, too. But, then again, she still is. She would follow Edward around like a lovesick puppy. It was disturbing." Alice made a disgusted sound. "But Edward, being as blind as he is, didn't notice anything. I'm three months younger than him, and I noticed! I mean, _honestly._"

I raised my eyebrows, but Alice couldn't see.

"Does this look okay?" Alice asked, emerging from the closet dressed in long, light brown pants and a pink sweater with a white lace camisole underneath.

"Uhm, why are you wearing a sweater?" I thought it was hot outside. I mean, in most places, summer equals sun. Heat. But, then again, this _was _Forks.

"Have you even _been _outside, Bella?"

"Yes. How else did I get in here?"

"Were you wearing your raincoat?"

"Yes. It was raining this morning!"

"Exactly."

"Aaaaallllliiiiiccccceeeee!"

"Just answer the question, Bella."

"You look fine, as always."

Alice beamed. "Thanks, Bells!" she sang, grabbing her purse and my wrist at the same time.

"Where are we going?" I asked, worried. Alice can take me to quite horrible places, and her driving_ really_ scares me.

"To the lake. We're going to go somewhere peaceful to write our pen pal projects! Duh."

Oh. "Oh…"

Alice then grabbed two pieces of paper – still not letting go of me – and two colorful pens, and then we were out the door and in the Cullen's garage.

"Oh, poodles, Edward took the Volvo," Alice sighed, using her new word (poodles). "But that means I get to drive the Porsche! Yay!"

I held back a groan: the Porsche was even faster than the Volvo.

We made small talk in the car. I realized during a silence that I had to tell Alice my secret news sometime, so I chose now.

"Uhm, Alice?"

"Mhmm?" Alice answered, keeping her eyes on the wet roads.

"Did I tell you that Mike Newton asked me out?" I asked in a small voice.

Alice slammed on her breaks, sending both of our seatbelts digging into our chests.

"He _WHAT?!_" Alice exploded. "When did this happen? What did you _say?_"

"Uh, it happened about three days ago. He called me, and I – I said yes."

Alice sighed. "Bella. Do you even like Mike that much?"

"Well, no, but he's really nice and friendly…"

"Well, as long as you're happy…" Alice trailed off and began driving again.

Well, that went a whole lot easier than I had planned. She didn't even make a big deal out of it.

And I guess I was happy… I went out for ice cream with Mike last night, and had fun, but it felt more like a friend-out-with-friend thing to me.

Alice was silent the rest of the ride.

Soon, far, far, too soon, we were at the lake, sitting on the dock with our feet dangling into the freezing water below. Alice was writing on her English binder, whilst I was writing on a lime green folder that held my first letter from my pen pal.

_Dear Insane Of Mind,_

_How has your summer been? Mine has been okay, unless you count the torture. But if I tell you what kind of torture, it might give me away. But I'm not hurt, so don't worry about that. I think that's cool how you think you can understand others better than most. I find that reading people's facial expressions is a good way to pass time when you're bored in class. And what? A pet eyebrow!? Who names their eyebrows? And a knee named Kevin?! You're kidding, right?_

_Well, since you told me two secrets, I guess I have to share with you two secrets of mine. Hmmm. Secret one: I could _live_ off Almond Joys. That is basically all that I need to survive. Most people don't know that. Secret two: I have a boyfriend. I just started dating him a few days ago. But, it doesn't feel right. All the boyfriends I've had are all just better off as friends. Aren't you supposed to, I don't know, _feel _it if you've got "The One"? What I want, is someone who could hold me when I'm sad and always make my tears stop. What I want, is someone who could calm me down merely by placing a hand on my shoulder. Someone who can make all my fears disappear with just one glance. Someone I can say "I love you" to, and really mean it. Someone who will love me for who I am, not for who they want to change me to be. Where am I supposed to find someone like that? I haven't told anyone that. Not even a diary. Not even my best friend. I'm shaking as I write this, and I don't even know you. But I am trusting you with my secrets, and hopefully you won't feel the need to share them. Anyways, I have to go._

_Quite Clumsy_

"Bella? Bella! You're shaking. What is the problem?" Alice asked, leaning over me in frustration, and, I was sure, in an attempt to read my letter. I snatched it out of her sight.

Alice was standing, waiting for me to finish writing so we could run by the post office and have the man there mail it to our pal. She looked wary. I wonder what my face looked like. Probably very pale – paler than usual.

"Nothing, Alice." I struggled to sound indifferent. "Let's go to mail these."

I climbed into the car and waited for Alice to start it up.

I really hope Insane of Mind can keep a secret.

* * *

**A/N: Review, your thoughts help so much. **

**Oh, and lots of people are wondering how they mail the letters. Well, I can honestly tell you I have no concrete answer for that. You see, I originally came up with this idea to be a Harry Potter fanfic (but then I realized I like Twilight better, plus you guys review and help me out more than HPFF), and in Harry Potter, they use owls that always somehow know where everyone lives. So, I intended owls to take care of that. But, I guess they sent it to the post office and some guy with no life takes care of all of it and sends the letters. Eh. I don't know. If that doesn't make sense, use your imagination.**

**Song: Fearless - Taylor Swift**

**-xiiluvyuhhx**


	6. Cannonball

**OMC! I'm sorry I took so long, you guys. I hope you like my awesome new character, Jesslyn. I kind of made her look like another character in my other story, Addie from "Tangles", so, hah, surprise! I have another chapter coming right after this. My plan is to type every weekend, then release the chapters I typed all at once.. you know, like the Big Bang theory!**

* * *

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to lie  
Life taught me to die;  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannonball_

-Cannonball, Damien Rice

* * *

BPOV:

"Bella, Bella, Bella!" Alice sang impatiently from the driver's window of a bright, vivid yellow sports car.

"I'm coming, Alice, would you hang on?" I yelled back.

I grabbed my phone and shoved it into my duffel bag, rushing out the door.

Alice's head was, in fact, stuck out the window of her Porsche, and she had her little pale hand over the center of the steering wheel, about to honk at me to hurry up.

She sighed. "Throw your bag in the back seat, then would you call Rosalie for me? I _hate_ backing out of your driveway," she said, putting the car in reverse.

"Sure, sure," I said, flipping open my phone.

We were heading down to the University of Washington to help Rosalie Hale shop for things to put in her dorm.

Rosalie was officially moving in - and meeting her roommate - today. Alice had pestered Rosalie into agreeing that she'd buy half the furniture and other things for her, and poor Rose had no choice but to agree.

"You buy the coffee, and I'll buy the coffee pot," was Alice's final statement to that argument.

I scrolled through my contacts until I found Rosalie's name, and clicked the "dial" button.

"Hello?" came Rosalie's voice.

"Hey, Rose, it's Bella," I said.

"Oh, hey!" squealed Rosalie. "Are you guys on your way up now?"

"Yeah, we just pulled out of my driveway."

"I knew you were the source of the hold-up, Bella," chuckled Rosalie.

"Thanks," I grumbled.

Rose laughed and then gushed, "Oh, my gosh, Bella, you and Alice _have_ to meet my roommate!"

"We do? Oh, is she already there, then?"

"Yes. Her name is Jesslyn, and she's so sweet! I think you guys will get along wonderfully."

"Cool! I can't wait to meet her," I said sincerely.

Alice snapped her fingers at me to hand her the phone.

"Hang on, Rose, Alice wants to talk to you."

I rested the handset in Alice's palm and turned to gaze out the window.

As Alice's voice turned into a confusing hum in the background, I contemplated sending that letter to Insane of Mind yesterday.

What if he thought I was some idiotic girl that whines about her boyfriend all the time? What if he found out who I was and told everyone? I shuddered at that one. Not even Alice knew that secret.

What if he stopped answering all my letters because he thought I was annoying?

Not even that, what if he didn't even read any of my following letters? What if he just sent them back to me, unopened?

No. I had a strange gut feeling that Insane of Mind wouldn't do anything like that. He would answer my letter and not tell a soul. I told myself I was positive about that.

Alice tossed the phone into my lap. "Thanks, Bells," she said. "Oh, and by the way, you might want to charge that. It was beeping like crazy." Alice rolled her eyes, pulling out a car cell phone charger. "Here, plug this in and charge it before we get there."

I fumbled with the spiral cord for a second before I fitted the charger into the hole. Hooking the cord onto my phone, I whined, "How much longer, Alice?"

"You sound like little Edward when he was four and we were on our way to the zoo," Alice chuckled. "We have another hour or so to go. We've only been in the car about ten minutes, Bella."

I sighed, staring out the window again, my mind wandering off to aimless thoughts.

Alice's squeal disturbed my stupor, and when I whipped my head around, Alice had turned the volume up on the radio.

She sang along to the music perfectly, her voice weaving in and out of the tune in a complex melody.

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes…

_You're hot, then you're cold,_

_You're yes, then you're no,_

_You're in, then you're out,_

_You're up and you're down;_

_You're wrong when it's right,_

_It's black and it's white,_

_We fight we break up,_

_We kiss we make up._

_You don't really want to stay, no,_

_But you don't really want to go, oh…_

"Hey!" I exclaimed after listening to Alice sing the chorus. "This song describes Mike perfectly!"

Alice gave me a quizzical look, and then added through her chanting, "And it has a good beat."

I laughed. But, really, lately Mike Newton, my boyfriend, as been changing his mind about every two minutes. _"Let's go to the movies! Oh, wait, no, let's go to the arcade. Let's go meet up with Tyler and Lauren! Oh, no, they're eating out with Lauren's parents…"_ It was really getting on my nerves.

I was supposed to be going out on a dinner date with Mike tomorrow night, and I was thinking about breaking up with him then. He was a good friend, but when he blew me off at the movies to get drunk with Eric Yorkie, I made an absolute decision that he wasn't a good boyfriend. He may not even be a good friend, either.

Alice stopped singing and sighed. "Are you planning on breaking up with Newton, Bella?" She spat out Mike's name acidly.

Of course, that was another reason to break up with Mike. He was clingy, and he would _always_ be with me. Once, he almost followed me into the lady's bathroom. But he hated all my other friends, so I could only be with him and _his_ lame friends. He treated Alice, Angela Weber, and sometimes Rosalie, like they were either invisible or his slaves.

I sighed, too. "I don't know, Alice. He's really been getting on my nerves lately."

The end to "Hot and Cold" by Katy Perry came to a close and Alice turned the volume of the radio down.

"You can say that again," she grumbled.

"He's really been getting on my nerves lately," I said mechanically.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Well, I think you really should break up with him. Not only is he a complete buttwipe, and not only are you too good for him, but you two don't even _look_ good together, in my opinion."

I didn't get her phrase. We didn't look good together? What was she implying? "Would you care to elaborate?" I asked.

"What I mean is, when you two stand next to each other, your beauty outshines him. It just looks… uneven." Alice made a face.

Beauty? I inwardly scoffed. I wasn't beautiful. I had simple mahogany locks that were never tame and brown eyes that never had an end. _Wow, how amazing_, I thought to myself sarcastically. The longest amount of time I've ever walked without tripping was thirteen minutes. _Tripping_ did not include _stumbling_, and in those thirteen minutes, I stumbled a lot. You can thank Rosalie for the timing part, and Alice for the laughing part.

"Okay, whatever you say, Alice."

Alice smiled. "Okay!" She pulled the Porsche into a gas station. "And what I'm saying now is I have to pee."

I laughed at her blunt statement as she gracefully rose from her car, and started heading towards the door of the mart.

She stopped and looked at me. "Aren't you coming?" she asked.

"Well, I really don't have to use he restroom…"

Alice walked back to my side of the car and opened my door, clutching my hand and pulling me from the seat.

"Alice!" I complained.

"Oh, Bella, just go buy yourself a water or something, then," said Alice, letting go of my hand.

"Okay," I said as Alice walked off towards the bathrooms.

I went to the wall where the drinks were stored, grabbing a bottle of water.

Just after I paid for my drink, Alice came skipping out of the bathroom; she bounded right past me and into the candy isle.

"Er, Alice?" I called to her.

"Here, Bella!" came her voice, sounding distant.

I walked over to the isle and found her staring intently from the regular Hershey bars to the King Size Hershey bars.

"Oh, no," I warned, seizing her tiny wrist and dragging her down the isle. "No chocolate for you, Alice. Remember last time?"

"But Bella!" she whined. "Just one! I'm not going to go crazy. Besides, I am naturally hyper anyway, what can one Hershey bar do?"

The question was clearly meant to be rhetorical, but I answered anyway. "I really don't want to answer that right now, Alice. Just remembering the horrors of last time is both hysterical and terrible enough to forbid you from doing it again."

Alice pouted, but allowed me to tow her to her car.

--

Three gas station stops, four tantrums, and seventy-one minutes later, we were pulling into the parking lot of Rosalie Hale's dorm room.

As we walked to the door, Alice noted that it was unusually warm outside. We both took off our jackets; me in a short sleeved t-shirt, while Alice was donned in a lace pink camisole.

As we walked into the lobby, Alice asked, "Bella, would you call Rose again and ask her what her room number is?"

"Sure," I responded.

I dialed Rosalie's cell phone number.

"Rose?" I asked.

"Bella! Hey, are you guys here yet?"

"Yes, we're in the lobby. We want to know what your room number is."

"Oh," said Rosalie. "We're number 615, on the fifth floor."

"Okay, thanks, Rose. We'll see you in a few minutes."

"Yup!" Rose chirped. "See you then!"

I hung up the phone and shoved it in my back pocket.

"Well?" Alice pried. "What's the number?"

"615, on the fifth floor."

"Okay!" Alice said cheerfully, grabbing my hand and towing me towards the elevator.

When we got to dorm number 615, Alice didn't even bother knocking on the door. She just barged right in, and I hung back in the doorway outside the room.

Rosalie and another girl looked up from a tiny portable DVD player to see who had just banged in, and Rosalie let out a squeal and rushed up to greet Alice.

Alice laughed and kissed Rosalie's forehead.

"Where's Bella?" Rose asked after welcoming Alice.

"I'm here," I said, walking into the room.

Rosalie squealed again and darted to envelop me a hug.

The other girl in the room was rising sinuously from a fold-up chair in the center of the room. This must be Rose's roommate, Jesslyn. She was very pretty – well, more like gorgeous: she had gleaming brown tresses of hair that spiraled down her back, and her eyes were a smoky gray color. She had sparkly white teeth that contrasted well with her golden tan skin, and she was wearing a yellow sundress.

It was obvious that Jesslyn and Rosalie were meant to be roommates: they were both stunning.

I also assessed Rosalie since I had last seen her on the last day of school. She looked the same as before, more or less. She still had glossy blonde curls that bounced when she moved, and piercing blue eyes. She was still just as tall and slender as before, and she was sporting dark jeans and a green tank top.

"Wow, Rose, we have lots of work to do in here," Alice mused.

Rosalie sighed. "Yeah, I know. Emmett is bringing Edward and Jasper Whitlock to come help move in the furniture we buy. And I think Jesslyn's brother, Hunter, is coming to help as well."

I looked as Jesslyn, and she was nodding at the floor, obviously feeling uncomfortable.

Alice threw Rosalie a confused look.

"Oh, right!" Rose laughed. "I haven't introduced you guys. Alice, Bella, this is my new roommate, Jesslyn Martin. Jesslyn, these are some of my friends from Forks, Alice Cullen and Bella Swan."

Jesslyn looked up and smiled at us. "Hey, y'all," she said.

"Ooooh, you're from the South?" Alice exclaimed.

Jesslyn nodded. "Yeah. I'm from Mobile, Alabama."

"Oh, next to the beach?" Alice pried.

"Yeah." Jesslyn looked uncomfortable, and Alice didn't look like she would be done with her questions any time soon.

I saved Jesslyn from being under the spotlight by noting, "Uhm, Rosalie, Alice, we have _lots_ of work to do." That was true. The only furniture in the room was two gray folding chairs, and the portable DVD player that Rose and Jesslyn were watching earlier was sitting on the floor in between.

Jesslyn threw me a grateful look and mouthed 'Thank you' when she knew Rosalie and Alice weren't watching. I smiled in acknowledgement.

"O-M-G," Alice shrieked to Rosalie, "You know how we didn't plan for Jesslyn to be here yet? She should _so_ come with us to look for stuff. I mean, this is her room, too, right?"

"Yeah!" said Rosalie excitedly.

"Would you like to come with us, Jesslyn?" I asked gently.

"Sure, I'd love to," Jesslyn smiled at me, and we all walked out the door.

* * *

EPOV

"You called?" Emmett asked, bowing mockingly to Rosalie Hale.

I was standing in front of a monstrous moving van at Washington University next to Emmett McCarty and Jasper Whitlock. Apparently, we were helping Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend, move into her new dorm. Rosalie was currently leaning against the moving van watching Emmett with an amused expression. To her left side was my sister, Alice, Bella Swan, and another girl I did not know. Bella and the girl were whispering and giggling with each other, and Alice was picking at her nails.

While Emmett was conversing details with Rosalie, I looked around at my surroundings.

We were standing in the parking lot of an enormous brick building, and all around that construction were identical structures. The grassy areas were glutted with foliage, and the sidewalks congested with college students.

"Okay, boys, time to get rolling!" Emmett cried, clapping his hands together.

Emmett, Jasper, and I hauled the furniture up the elevator and to Rosalie's room, with the help of the girls. I learned that Rosalie's roommate's name was Jesslyn Martin, and that she and Bella Swan had gotten to be very close.

Soon, Jesslyn's older brother showed up to help us out. His name was Hunter, and he was a sophomore, at Washington University on a baseball scholarship.

"You have an accent," I noted as Hunter and I lugged a mattress down the hall.

"Yeah, I know," said Hunter. "Jessie and I moved from Alabama. We lived next to the beach there." He sighed wistfully.

"Really? What are you studying here, then?" I inquired.

"I'm studying law enforcement right now. I want to be a firefighter."

"Seriously? That's cool."

"Yeah, it really is. You look like a college-aged kid. Are you a student here?" asked Hunter.

"Nah," I said. We set the mattress down for a second to catch our breath before picking it up again and continuing to carry it down the corridor. "I'm a senior at Forks High School. See that short little pixie behind us? – Well, maybe not, because we're carrying this stupid giant mattress – but that's my sister. But I'm planning on applying here, and I think Alice is, too."  
"I think y'all should. Y'all seem nice. I just wish they had a Zaxby's around this place."

I felt my forehead crease. "Zaxby's?"

We had reached Rosalie and Jesslyn's open door. Hunter and I placed the mattress gently on the ground and slid it over the threshold, making sure it fit through the door.

"Oh, nevermind. I always forget people here don't know what that is. Zaxby's is pretty much the best fast food restaurant in existence. It's a chicken place," Hunter added, seeing my quizzical look.

"Oh," I murmured.

"Don't forget their amazing toast, Hunter!" Jesslyn called from behind us, her voice distant. She must be able to hear our conversation. A few seconds later, Jesslyn and Bella rounded the corner, both of them carrying a bunch of boxes.

Bella nearly walked into me. "Whoa!" I said, grabbing her wrist with one hand and steadying the boxes with my other.

She bushed and mumbled, "Thanks," before scampering away into the kitchen of the room.

Jesslyn rolled her eyes and followed.

"Hunter, Edward, Emmett needs your help downstairs. The refrigerator is all we have left to move up; the girls already brought up the small stuff," said Jasper, coming into view from within the room and walking towards the elevator with us.

--

After the girls (or, rather, just Rosalie and Alice) had us set the room up just the way they liked it, we all flopped onto the huge rug in the large living room.

We had been like that for about two hours, and I had gotten very close to all the girls and Hunter. We were all practically best friends now, if you didn't include Alice being my sister and Rosalie being Emmett's girlfriend. I learned that Jesslyn was here on a scholarship as well, for dance.

"Ooooh, let's play Truth or Dare!" Rosalie cried, clapping her hands together excitedly.

The rest of us groaned. "Please, no, Rose, no!" moaned Bella. "Your dares are the _worst!_"

Rosalie sniffed. "I won't go first."

"I will!" Alice volunteered enthusiastically. "Okay… Hunter. Truth or dare?"

"Uhm. Dare," said Hunter confidently.

"Okay. I dare you to…" Alice thought for a moment, "I dare you to walk into the lobby wrapped in toilet paper!"

I laughed after we had ambushed Hunter; he now resembled an Egyptian mummy. It took him fifteen minutes to waddle out of the elevator and to the other side of the room and back again. By the time Hunter had unwrapped himself in the safety of the flat, the rest of us were crying with mirth.

"Okay, okay. Enough amusement at my expense. Jesslyn, Truth or dare?"

Jesslyn deliberated for a minute before answering, "Truth."

"Hmm, how about a serious question? How about…" Hunter paused. "How about: In a fire, what would be the two things you took with you to save from the flames?"

"My Bible and my cell phone," she answered automatically.

Hunter shrugged and Jesslyn stared intently at Jasper. "Jasper. Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Jasper replied.

"Okay. I dare you to kiss Alice."

Jasper do what now? "Say what?" Jasper gasped.

"Kiss Alice," Jesslyn repeated calmly.

Jasper snapped his open mouth shut and shrugged indifferently. He grabbed Alice around the waist and kissed her full on the lips.

We all whistled and hooted, but Jasper and Alice didn't break apart.

"Oi!" Emmett called after about two minutes of this. "You need to come up for air sometime!"

And with a sound like a plunger, the pair unlocked their lips and stared into each other's eyes.

"Good one, Jessie!" Bella complimented.

Jesslyn laughed lightly. "I knew there was a relationship waiting to explode under _that _surface."

Rosalie giggled. "Wow, my roommate is a genius!"

"I do what I can!" Jesslyn said, chuckling.

Jasper stopped looking at my sister, remembering it was his turn. "Edward. Truth or dare?"

I didn't want a dare like any of the previous ones, so I chose, "Truth."

They could ask me anything.

Jasper's face was completely serious. "Do you honestly like Tanya Walker?"

Just kidding. They could ask me anything but that.

I sighed. I knew the honest answer to that question, and I really didn't want to say it out loud. Tanya was getting _very_ whiny, and she was incredibly annoying. The more time I spent with her, the more I realized that she had no personality. At first, her beautiful face hid her boring character. But now, I found myself lying to her over the phone to get out of going someplace with her. I closed my eyes and whispered, "No."

It was dead quiet. I opened my eyes and found everyone staring at me. Well, not everyone. Bella Swan was looking down at her feet, her face pensive and thoughtful.

"Emmett," hurriedly asked, changing the subject. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Emmett snickered.

"I dare you to ask out the receptionist at the desk downstairs."

"Sure thing." Emmett got up and left. Hunter, Rosalie, and Alice left behind him to go watch.

While they were gone, I thought about another secret I wouldn't tell. The secret of Quite Clumsy.

When I had first read her letter, I thought she was a girl who moaned about her boyfriend; kind of slutty, really annoying, and wanna-be popular. But by the time I had _finished_ reading the letter, I realized she was completely the opposite. Quite Clumsy, whoever she was, was someone I was beginning to admire. She was exceptionally brave for telling me that, and trusting, for depending on me to not share her secret. It must have taken a lot of courage to inform me to her feelings - and feelings that _deep!_ It now felt like this pen pal project was turning out to be less of a project and more of an emotional outlet: for both Quite Clumsy and myself.

Emmett announced his return after a few minutes by exclaiming, "I just got a date with Cheryl Buckner on Saturday night!"

Rosalie sighed, rolled her eyes, and folded her arms across her chest. The four sat back down in their spots on the floor and we continued playing games until we started seeing dawn crack through the room's window.

* * *

**Please, please, please review. **

**Okay, so when I wrote this, I had a HUGEEEEEEE supermassiveblackholey craving for Zaxby's chicken/toast. This chapter was halfway just to vent out my feelings of being home alone with no one to call and ask to retrieve my food, and not old enough to drive. I wish Zaxby's had take-out. *grumbles.***

**Song: House Carpenter-Nickel Creek (dance insider)**

**(start reviewing... here!)**

**-xiiluvyuhhx**


	7. Love Story

**Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, do you think I would be wasting my time writing this? I'd be working on Midnight Sun.**

**Okay, so the song (Love Story) for this chapter doesn't have anything to do with the chapter. I just really like the song. Heh...**

* * *

_And I said: _"_Romeo, save me,_

_I've been feeling so alone._

_I keep waiting_

_For you but you never come._

_Is this in my head?_

_I don't know what to think."_

_He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring…_

-Love Story, Taylor Swift

* * *

_Quite Clumsy,_

_I appreciate you sharing that with me. Actually, I know what you're talking about. My girlfriend is really getting on my nerves. That really bugs me: is there really true love in this world? Everyone is getting divorced or breaking up left and right... It seems like true love only exists in cheesy movies or romance novels. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, we need a lighter topic. _

_How about: what is your favorite type of music? Band, genre, whatever. Pick one. Send me back, I'm seriously about to be bored out of my mind!_

_Sincerely, _

_Insane of Mind._

--

_Insane of Mind,_

_I do know exactly what you mean. I've always wondered what it feels like, to be in some pool of true love… but I'm getting sappy. No reason for that._

_Ha ha, my favorite band would be Red Jumpsuit Apparatus or Boys Like Girls. I also like to listen to Taylor Swift, but my favorite genre is classical… don't ask me why! What's yours?_

_Why don't you just break up with your girlfriend? I've been planning on breaking up with my super-clingy boyfriend for ages, but I keep chickening out and procrastinating. I'm also positive he's cheating on me as well; he keeps calling me Jessica! So I'm making him sweat a little by changing my back-ringtone, so that every time he calls, the music will freak him out. But if I tell you what song, you might guess who I am, and the results of that might be terrifying._

_What did you do with yourself this weekend?_

_Sincerely, _

_Quite Clumsy._

--

_Quite Clumsy,_

_My favorite bands are those, too! I also enjoy Secondhand Serenade and Three Days Grace. I guess you know my favorite genre is classical as well, because I play panio. I especially like Yiruma; he's a solo panist. I think you would enjoy his works, too, judging by the little persona I've uncovered about you._

_I have the same feelings about breaking up with my girlfriend as you do about your boyfriend. I know that when I do break up with her, she will slap me. Because she's just one of those girls with no personality that only shows emotion when she picks it up off the TV. _

_This weekend, I went to a college and looked around, and hung out with some friends until about five A.M. I also made some new friends! Ha, ha, I should be jumping around my room like a thirteen-year-old girl right now, just because of the way I phrased that. Oh, well. What did you do this weekend? _

_Sincerely, _

_Insane of Mind._

--

_Insane of Mind,_

_Your girlfriend sounds really… peculiar, especially since I'm trying to imagine what kind of girl she would be like judging by what little I know about you. Why would you choose to date such a girl?_

_I think it's cool that you went to a college and met new people, because that's exactly what I did, too! I'm really exhausted from _that_ rendezvous, because we stayed up chatting until we could see sunlight. Let's just say it was a long drive back from the campus. Ha, ha, if only you could have seen my best friend and I. We had the windows all down, the sunroof open, and the music blaring like you wouldn't believe! No one saw us though, because a few of my friends stayed at the college and the other half rented a hotel room – and it was about six A.M. on a Sunday morning, so there was no one on the streets._

_Oh, right, there's another secret that only about three people know about: I love to draw. I'm including one of my pictures in this letter, but it's not very good. My best friend, one of my other really, really close friends, and my dad are the only ones who know about my artistic abilities. I've really been working on drawing landscapes this summer. _

_Like I said, it's not very good. I'm still working on it._

_Sincerely, _

_Quite Clumsy._

* * *

EPOV

I slowly picked up Quite Clumsy's drawing. _Not very good?!_ This drawing was amazing, remarkable, stunning. It was a pencil sketch of the lake down the road. Quite Clumsy had illustrated the raindrops as they plummeted into the calm waters, upsetting the lake with its droplets of liquid. She had sketched the trees beside the lake in flawless detail, and had drawn every single twig that was swirling around the lake in the downpour in striking factors. She had exemplified all the masses of clouds, and filled in their majority with small gray lines with her pencil. How could she possibly think this was not good? It could very well be one of the most astonishing sketches I'd ever seen.

I flipped the drawing over. On the other side, were the initials "IMS". Obviously, Quite Clumsy had tried to erase the initials, but with an effort, you could see that they were still there. I raked through my memory and tried to remember any female in the now-senior class that had those initials, but nothing came up.

Scowling at my non-responsive memory, I set the picture down on the table next to all the rest of the notes.

Quite Clumsy and I had been passing notes to one another practically every day. There was always this strange throb that always pounded in my chest when I realized I had a letter. The throbbing kept getting more and more frantic each time: at first I thought it was a heart attack. Then I soon realized that the explanation must be adrenaline. Simply the thrill of sharing secrets with an unknown female, unknown person. That has to be the vindication for the reason my fingers tremble as I open the envelope, the reason some faint emotion licks my bowels.

I picked up my folder in which I store the letters, and gently stowed them inside the pockets, making extra care not to smudge the drawing.

A light knocking from my door made me whirl; Bella and Jasper walked in my room and sat on the black sofa.

"Hey, mate," said Jasper, nodding to me and grinning.

"Hey Edward!" Bella sang, waving.

"Hi, guys," I said, placing the folder in a drawer of my desk.

Bella Swan had now become one of my best friends. Ever since I had gotten very close to her over the weekend, we both did almost everything together. It helped a lot that _my_ best friend and _her_ best friend were officially a couple and practically inseparable, but I still felt like I had known Bella for much longer than a few days. We had a lot in common, too, and I found that I could talk with her easily, and that she was very easy to be around.

Alice suddenly sprinted into the room and chucked herself into Jasper's arms. Bella drew away from the pair in alarm, her eyes widening. As she was scuttling out of their way, she fell off the couch and flopped onto the floor with a little "oof!"

Jasper leaned around Alice to stare at Bella, and I ran over to her to help her up.

"Are you alright?" I asked in concern, offering her my hand.

She looked at me and smiled, muttering, "Yes, I'm fine, thank you."

As Bella took my hand, blushing profusely, and clambered to her feet, I had the most peculiar sensation shoot up my arm. I didn't know what it was; it was like the feeling I get when I get a letter, but a hundred times more compelling. This time I could identify the phenomenon: it was like embers racing through my veins, like flames lapping at my insides. Bella's hand, still in mine, made my fingers and palms tingle and burn where she touched them. What was this? I looked at Bella's face. She was staring at our intertwined hands, her face confused. Could she have possibly felt that just as strongly as I had?

Bella looked up, feeling my stare, and her face turned a darker shade of red. I chuckled at her expression; it sounded shaky and breathless, like I had just gotten punched in the stomach.

"Erm…" Bella started mumbling incoherent words, one pool of blood in her face mixing in with another.

I let go of her hand quickly, still marveling at the strange feeling. Bella's deep brown eyes flashed to my face, and I smiled at her, acting indifferent.

Alice sighed dramatically from Jasper's lap. "If only Jesslyn was here. She would know exactly why you two were holding hands for about three minutes."

Jasper chuckled. "Well, why don't you go send her a message?" he suggested, much to my embarrassment. "Edward's computer is on." Jasper gestured with his head to my laptop sitting idly on my desk.

Alice hopped daintily off his lap and skipped to the desk. She paused, before shouting, "Edward! You have an instant message from Tanya."

I walked to stand next to her, and, sure enough, I had one unread IM.

**TangerineWalker77: **_edward! U wanna go out tonight? _

**EdwardC: **_Erm. Isn't Gossip Girl on tonight?_

**TangerineWalker77: **_Yes, but it's a rerun. ive already seen the episode._

**EdwardC: **_Oh…_

**TangerineWalker77: **_edward, do u wanna pick me up my house for dinner or not?_

**EdwardC: **_Tanya, I would appreciate it if you spelled my name with a capital E._

**TangerineWalker77: **_oh, Edward, u no correct grammar isnt necessary. Were not in skool!_

"Well, obviously," snorted Alice. "I don't know what you see in her, Edward. Honestly!"

"Yeah, you can do better than Tanya Walker," contributed Bella. "She's pretty, but she's really airheaded."

I ignored their jibes and sighed. "I think I should tell her I'll pick her up for a dinner date in Port Angeles, and then break up with her there."

"Good choice, mate!" called Jasper from the couch. "It's a good decision to have witnesses."

"Thanks," I grumbled.

Bella and Alice giggled.

**EdwardC:**_ How does 6:00 sound? I'll pick you up at your house, and then we'll eat out in Port Angeles._

**TangerineWalker77: **_sounds good! C u in an hour!_

_**TangerineWalker77 has signed off.**_

"Well, that's that," I said, switching off the computer inconspicuously when I knew Alice wasn't looking.

"Bella!" Alice was shrieking. "You have that Seattle date with Mike Newton tonight! It's at seven, we need to go now!"

"Aaallliiiccceee!" Bella whined. "We have _two hours_, what can possibly be accomplished in two hours that can't be done in thirty minutes?"

Alice pretended to think. "Um, let's see." She ticked off the list with her fingers. "Hair, make-up, picking out an outfit, finding shoes and/or accessories to match, and applying things like perfume or last-minute make-up."

Bella pouted. She knew as well as I did that throwing a tantrum to Alice was a waste of breath.

Alice smelled an easy victory. She grabbed Bella's wrist and hauled her towards the doorway. On the way out, Bella mouthed to Jasper and I a "help me!"

I chuckled, and sighed. Time to get ready to pick up Tanya.

* * *

BPOV

I quickly stashed my drawing in the middle of a book as Alice came bounding in through the door.

"Okay, I think this outfit will do, because you're breaking up with Newton tonight, right?" Alice asked, holding up the outfit. It was a ruffled black skirt and a yellow sweater.

I took it from her, shooing her out of the room, and changed in the ensemble.

"And here," said Alice when I opened the door. She thrust a thin, pale, purple headband in my face. "Put that on. I've decided that your hair looks good enough today to not do anything to it."

I slid the headband behind my ears, and slipped my feet into some matching purple flats.

"Where did you find purple shoes, Alice?" I asked as I grabbed my car keys. Yeah, Mike couldn't even come pick me up. No doubt already at the restaurant with _Jessica. _I scowled as Alice replied, "I found them at Chi."

"Ah," I answered, only half interested.

"Bye, Bells! You go kick Newton's butt tonight!" Alice called as I walked out of my room.

Unfortunately, Charlie, who was sitting on the couch in the living room, had heard Alice's comment. "Who's butt are you kicking, Bella?" he asked.

Damn, Alice. "Mike Newton's," I answered lightly, hoping to blow it off.

"Oh, okay. You have fun, kid."

I held back a snort of laughter and walked to my car.

--

"Hey, Jessic-Ella!" Mike yelled as I waded through the tables.

"It's Bella," I said acidly. I sat down across from him, folding my arms.

"Oh, er, I know that, Bella," said Mike.

"Uh-huh."

"You're just a little late," Mike commented lightly.

"I know," I said, smirking. "I wanted to make sure little Miss Jessica made it out without getting caught."

Mike paled. "I, uh, enjoyed your new, erm, back-ringtone, Bella."

My smirk grew wider. "What back-ringtone, Michael?"

Mike was visibly sweating now, knowing I was taunting him. He tried to keep his cool. "Oh, you know… Here, I'll let you listen to it. It has a good beat… and such…" He trailed off, taking his cell phone out of his pocket. He fumbled with the buttons, and then held it up to my ear.

"_Please enjoy the music while your party is reached,_" an automated voice said.

Then "Should've Said No" by Taylor Swift started playing.

"_It was a moment of weakness and you said Yes…_

_You should've said No, _

_You should've gone home, _

_You should've thought twice before you let it all go!_

_You should've known that word_

'_Bout what you did with her_

_Would get back to me._

_And I should've been there,_

_In the back of your mind,_

_I shouldn't be askin' myself why!_

_You shouldn't be beggin' for forgiveness at my feet…_

_You should've said No, baby, and you might still have me."_

"Yes, very good beat," I commented nonchalantly.

Mike closed the phone and gulped. "Bella, listen, there's something we need to discuss."

My smirk vanished, replaced by a confused expression. Was he about to admit he was cheating on me?

"Jessi-Cella," Mike began. Wow, what a way to begin an important discussion, yeah? "I think we should break up."

Wait, what?! _I_ was supposed to be breaking up with _him._ Not the other way around.

Mike was now smirking triumphantly. I gaped at him.

Regaining my composure, I hissed, "Fine. Just don't come crawling back to me when precious _Jessica _won't _sleep_ with you!"

My voice had risen to a yell by then end of my verdict, and the entire restaurant was watching us bicker. I snatched my glass of Coke and flung it directly at Mike's face, storming out of the eatery impressively. I already had a plan forming, and I thought it out as I drove home, victorious.

* * *

_...And said, "Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone._

_I love you, and _

_That's all I really know._

_I talked to your dad, _

_We'll pick out a white dress,_

_It's a Love Story, _

_Baby, just say yes."_

* * *

**Song: Love Story, Taylor Swift (again)**

**If you review, I'll love you even more than I love you for reading how much I love you. (:**

**

* * *

**

** SOMETHING TO NEVER EVER DO IN YOUR LIFE.**

**John Michael: What are you doing...?**

**Me: What's it look like?!**

**Bailey: We're trying to drown a fish.**

**Me: Obviously.**

**John Michael: Um. You know you can't really drow--**

**Bailey: Shut up!! We've been at this for two hours.**

**Me: I think we've made some progress.**

**John Michael: You can't _drown _a fish.**

**Bailey: And why can't we?!**

**John Michael: Because it's already underwater...**


	8. I Heart Question Mark

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

**"I Heart ?" is a good song for this chapter. Just saying. Taylor Swift, once again!**

_

* * *

__Wish I had concentrated,_

_They said Love was complicated,_

_But it's something I just fell into._

_And it was overrated, _

_Just look what I created:_

_I came out alive,_

_But I'm black and blue!_

-I Heart Question Mark, Taylor Swift

* * *

_Quite Clumsy,_

_You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. How can you possibly say that your picture is bad? It's the complete opposite: it's excellent, astonishing, and breath taking. I honestly can't see how you can possibly think that it's awful._

_Have you broken up with your boyfriend yet? _

_Wow, this is strange. I'm having these strange urges to hit something as I think of how you've described him. You haven't really said much, but he seems to strike me as the kind of guy who seems to be going for a very intimate relationship – a summer fling, if you'd rather call it – and that's obviously not what you want. You're not that kind of girl, I know it. I knew it from the time you described what kind of relationship you __did__ want. _

_But you don't have to answer that question if you don't want to, because I know it can be very personal._

_Anyway, Sincerely,_

_Insane of Mind._

--

_Dear Insane of Mind,_

_Thanks, but it honestly was just a sketch. I just felt like I needed you to see it. You see, absolutely no one on this planet knows I can draw, except for you. I think my mother might guess, but she hasn't said anything for seventeen years, so…_

_I appreciate you for wanting to defend me with my boyfriend, and yes, we are over. The break-up was unexpected, and only a handful of my close friends know the details. But, as it turns out, I have a revenge plan. But the minutiae of the separation I won't share with you, as I do not want you to guess who I am. _

_What about you? I thought you were planning on breaking up with your girlfriend? Again, if that's personal, please don't feel obligated to answer._

_Sincerely,_

_Quite Clumsy._

* * *

EPOV

"_Edward_!" There it was. Alice's wrath.

She banged into my room, and I didn't even bother trying to stuff my letter into the folder so she wouldn't see it. I knew she would be too mad at me to notice much of anything else. I shrugged off the atrocious thought of Alice finding Quite Clumsy's secrets, and with a sigh faced my sister's rage.

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN," Alice screeched, only just beginning her speech. I flinched back from the waves of sound coming my way, and recoiled from the use of my full name.

"Alice," I said, placating, "you're blowing this way out of proportion."

"Me?" Alice shrieked. "_I'm_ not the one who chickened out when they were supposed to kick their dumb-ass girlfriend to the curb!"

I winced at Alice's choice of words. "Tanya is not a dumb-ass," I sniffed. "She's just… tedious."

Alice snorted, and I knew her explosion wasn't finished. Last night, when I went out to eat with Tanya, I had planned on ending our relationship. She wasn't right for me, I wasn't right for her, there really was no sense of… desire, or aspiration, need, longing, whatever you want to call it, in our affiliation. Just a simple summer fling, that was all. (When I got around to telling her) it wasn't like I was going to mention how boring I thought she was. But instead of breaking up with her at that dinner, I lost my nerve and forced a smile every time she gossiped about Irina, her cousin, and Laurent's "obtuse" relationship (of course, when she was describing the actual rapport, she used a much more dull and unintelligent word). Now, at nine o' clock the next morning, I was getting yelled at by my tiny sister in regard of my actions last night.

Stupid sprite.

"Look, I'll do it later. I promise," I said, walking away from my desk to make my bed.

Alice huffed. "You better. And please, Edward, break up with her soon. I hate her. Do you have any idea how she treats Bella and I? We ran into her at McDonald's yesterday, and she glared at us as if we were gum on the bottom of her stiletto."

I chuckled darkly at her analogy, but didn't retaliate. I knew that was true. I could always see the green glow of jealousy in Tanya's blue eyes every time she looked at Bella and Alice laughing with one another at school last year. I grabbed a corner of the sheets and yanked it upward toward the headboard.

"Soon, Edward," Alice growled, pointing a finger at me.

I dropped the sheet I was holding, holding up my hands in a surrender gesture in reply.

Alice's eye suddenly caught my letter, and her mood went a complete one-eighty. I saw her skip towards my desk, and she was too close for me to stop her.

She picked up the epistolary and I ran towards her, completely forgetting about my still-unmade bed. I pelted myself into her side, but she was just as fast. Alice danced out of my way at last second, her eyes never leaving the lined paper on which Quite Clumsy's messy and untidy handwriting was scrawled.

I stood straight, running a hand through my hair. "Alice," I growled, "give me that letter back."

Her head snapped up, brown eyes meeting green. "Why should I?" Her voice unnerved me; it was shrill, high-pitched, a squeak. Her eyes were wide, ample with shock, discernment, and some other emotion I couldn't place.

"I _knew _this was going to happen," she muttered to herself. Her eyes traveled down to Quite Clumsy's signature, her small, pale fingers tracing over the indents. Her lips barely quivered as she spoke, and I had to strain to hear her last few words. "But do they know…?"

I felt my body freeze in place, a habit I always used when under stress. Alice usually didn't act like this; inhibited, demoralized, timorous. Only when she knew something that other people don't, something that really frightened her, was she this reserved. Her ever-present smile and bubbly outlook was absent, replaced now by a brooding frown. Her brow was puckered over her pensive expression, and she was talking so fast and so low to herself, that I didn't even bother to try and hear.

"Alice, what's the problem?" I asked apprehensively after a moment of listening to her mantra.

She laid her gaze on my face, scrutinizing my expression. "Do you honestly not know who this is?" she whispered, grazing her fingers along the dents in the letter once more.

"No," I mumbled, wary. "Am I supposed to?"  
Alice laughed weakly, her eyes trained on the epistle. "I guess not. But it's only a matter of time…" She trailed off, her gaze moving from the letting to looking thoughtfully at the floor. Her stare wandered around my room contemplatively, lingering on the black folder full of other Quite Clumsy letters and her drawing.

"Am I – am I missing something here?" I stuttered.

Alice looked at me suddenly and beamed. "No. You're not missing anything at all. Your puzzle is just beginning here, actually."

I felt my eyebrows knit together, and Alice's hand hesitantly reached for the folder. "May I?" she asked, throwing a meaningful look my way. I shook my head. I knew that Alice wasn't looking for gossip, but I didn't want her reading the letters. As I felt that familiar tug in my chest that always came with thinking of my pen pal, I knew Quite Clumsy's secrets were more important to me than Alice's feelings were at the moment.

Alice frowned at me, her eyebrows shooting up into her hairline.

"There are secrets she's shared that aren't mine to disclose," I explained, my voice a murmur.

Alice nodded mutely, brooding again. "This is happening far faster than I expected…" she whispered.

I froze once more, frazzled and dazed.

"I have to go," said Alice sharply.

"What?" I demanded. "I haven't gotten any answers from you yet! What's going on? Do you know who she is? What is the problem? Why can't you tell me?" The frustrated questions tumbled from my mouth without any time to answer them, and Alice simply stared at me until I threw my hands up in the air, exasperated.

"Fine! Leave!" I snarled, snatching the letter out of her grip and pushing her out the door.

"This 'Tanya' conversation isn't over, Edward," Alice said, looking over her shoulder to stare at me reproachfully. "Although there are more important matters that you must not know about" I growled, annoyed, and pulled her faster towards the door "you still need to boot her soon. And that letter proves my point!"

I slammed the door in her face adversely, needing time to think.

I ambled to my golden bed, finished folding the covers, and flopped down on it.

"Damned pixie!" I grumbled to no one.

* * *

BPOV

"_Hi! You've reached the cell of Bella Swan. I'm not answering because: A) I'm busy being tortured by Alice, partying, working, or otherwise, B) I'm sick and don't feel like talking to anyone, so don't get your feelings hurt, or C) I just don't like you. So leave me a message after the beep, and if I feel like it, I'll get back to you later!_"

My annoying voicemail beeped, and Mike's voice resounded throughout the room for about the forty-seventh time that day.

"Bella, baby" I cringed, scowling at the phone "you know I wasn't cheating on you. That's not the reason I broke up with you." Mike's pleas were all the same, weren't they? All the other forty-six unanswered calls started out just the same way. "But I would like to tell you face-to-face why I ended it. Would you please meet me tonight at the Lodge for me to explain?" Mike's voice begged. I got the sudden mental picture of a golden retriever imploring for a doggy bone. I chuckled darkly as I angrily grabbed my phone off the countertop, about to yell at Mike to shut the hell up.

"Newton!" I barked acidly. "What do you want from me? Three more calls – that is, once you've called me exactly fifty times in the past seven hours – and I'm calling the police for harassing phone calls."

"Bells, I'm sorry," said Mike, sounding relieved I finally picked up. I laughed grimly at his words: he wasn't really sorry.

"Words," I growled. "Just like when you said you loved me – a love which you knew I didn't need, nor did I ever return – and just like when you claimed you only had one girl hanging on your arm like a Prada bag." I smirked, knowing how proud Alice would be of my comparison.

Mike sighed on the other end of the line. "Look, I know you're mad. About me breaking up with you" I snorted, thinking of my revenge plan "about you _thinking_ I have another girlfriend" he stressed the word too much for me to actually believe "and about the fact it only took about three seconds to wipe that soda off my face" I huffed "but I do think we should get together tonight to sort things out and possibly fix this. We can still be friends, right?"

Wrong. "I don't think that's the best idea, Mike."

My attempt at getting Mike off my back laconically was clearly not turning out the way I planned, but I knew Mike wouldn't shut up until I finally agreed to meet him out for dinner tonight.

"Okay! Thanks for this, Jessi-Cella!" crowed Mike, once again getting my name wrong.

I grunted in reply, before pressing end and quickly redialing Alice's number.

"Hello?" she answered, sounding distant.

"Ugh," I immediately groaned. "Psycho ex-boyfriend alert, seven o'clock, the Lodge."

Alice gasped. "He didn't!?"

"He did."

"Holy crow, he feels guilty."

"Guilty?" I shrieked.

"Why else would he call you not even a day after the separation?" Alice retaliated.

"He must be pissed off that I flung Coke in his face."

"Hopefully some landed in his eyes."

I laughed. "Hopefully."

Alice, Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, and Jesslyn were the only ones on the planet – besides Mike and anyone he told – who knew the full story of my dramatic break-up with Mike. At first I was hesitant about telling Jesslyn, but then I remembered how easily we got along and how many secrets we shared that time before.

Was moving in Rosalie really that long ago? It seemed so much had changed, even though that escapade was merely a month ago. My friendship with Edward and Jasper, my break-up with Mike, my intensified, unexplained hatred towards Tanya Walker…

But I was pleased with the handful of people I told: my best friends. Jesslyn – even Hunter – I now trusted with my life. I was very close to sharing even the minute details with Insane of Mind, but then thought better of it. What if it was one of Mike's friends that he told? That wouldn't be good.

"Are you going to put your plan in action tonight?" Alice inquired.

"Yup!" I sang. "So I need you over at my house A.S.A.P. to help."

"Sure thing, Bells!"

I set the phone back down from where it had been originally and hoisted myself out of my bed.

After I had taken a shower and dried my hair, I waited in shorts and a camisole for Alice to come barging into my room, just as she always does.

I was staring at my desk beseechingly, willing a letter from Insane of Mind to come and ease my chaotic thoughts, when Alice arrived.

She tossed the door open so it banged and rebounded against the wall, hollering, "Okay, Bells, it's Go time!"

I bit back a groan as she scraped a comb through my hair, making it all frizzy. One she had it styled the way she liked it, she moved on to my make-up.

"Alice, is all this really necessary?" I asked as she stroked mascara along my eyelashes. "Really, all I'm doing is destroying Newton's ego."

Alice giggled, but continued her prodding.

Twenty minutes later, I was in my truck on the way to meet Mike.

"Bella!" Mike exclaimed when I walked in the restaurant. Well, at least he got my name right.

"Hey, Mike," I said curtly.

I opened my menu and looked at all the salads. I felt Mike's eyes on my face – well, actually, I felt them on my chest, but let's pretend they were on my face – but I decided to ignore him, training my gaze on the food choices.

"Hi!" a nasal voice chirped. "My name's Lauren, what can I get you to drink tonight?"

I looked up to see a girl with hollow cheekbones, murky, dull blue eyes, and cornsilk hair staring intently at Mike.

"Yeah, I'll have a Beer," said Mike.

"What?" I hissed. "You're seventeen!"

"Chill out, Bel-essica, I'm only going to have one."

"Okay!" Lauren twittered, writing it down on her notebook. I snorted. _What, no ID?_ I thought.

She grudgingly turned towards me. "And you?"

"I'll have a Coke."

"We're out," said Lauren coldly.

Out of Coke? Pfft. "Fine. I'll take a water." _Someone_ needed to get Mike home once he was wasted.

Lauren nodded, turning once more to shake her cleavage inconspicuously to Mike. I saw him wink to her as she sauntered away towards the kitchens.

"I'm glad I ended our relationship," I commented lightly, playing with a bracelet on my right wrist.

"What?" Mike spluttered. "No, no, Bella. _I_ ended the relationship. Not you."

"But then why did you ask me here, begging me to get back together?"

"I – I – Erm…" Mike muttered a few more unintelligible words before the words I'd been waiting all night to say tumbled gracefully out.

"Wake up, and smell the break up… Realize that we won't make up. It didn't go the way you planned." I placed my left hand on the table, showing him the three words written on the flesh in pen. "And you'll know you didn't beat me, when you look down and see: I got an _I Heart ?_ written on the back of my hand." _(I Heart ? – Taylor Swift)_

"Bella!" Mike whined, horrorstruck. "Is that why _you_ wanted to end it? Because you love someone else?"

I smirked, watching his over-inflated ego shrink. "Well, that, I suppose… And the fact you're a lying, cheating, egotistical, conceited, arrogant, snobby, stuck-up butt-wipe whose ego is so big it can keep you company!"

I realized abruptly that I was on my feet yelling at the top of my voice. Huh. Funny how it always ends like this. Mike was shrinking back into the booth, cringing away from my rage.

With a huff, I stalked out of the restaurant.

As I walked out into the cool air of Forks, I realized I was freezing cold. All I was wearing was a beige skirt and a short-sleeved maroon polo, and some matching flats.

My stride quickened to a run, and I sprinted into a dark alleyway with little light.

I heard footsteps behind me, and I whirled, turning to see who it was. My breathing accelerated, and I put my hand over my mouth the muffle the sound. There was a handful of horror movies that ended this way, with the victim stranded in a dim street and an unknown stalker following, waiting, and looming, elusive, invisible, but ubiquitous.

"Jessi-Cella," the voice said.

I blanched silently. Mike.

"Where are you, baby?" he said. His voice was slurred. Big surprise there. He probably drained about eight beers while I was running away.

"Why did you follow me?" I asked clearly, monotonously.

His footsteps shuffled forward towards the sound of my voice, and I could see his silhouette in the dim illumination coming from the normal street.

I looked behind me. Typical. Nothing but a tall brick wall.

Mike's hot breath was suddenly right at my throat; stale, musty, and quick.

I gasped, backing up into the wall. I could see Mike's teeth gleaming in the darkness as he followed me, pushing me against the cold brick.

My breathing was coming in gasps, and I hoped someone on the street could hear the frantic sounding of my heartbeat.

Mike placed both his hands on the wall by my head, and he crashed his lips to mine.

I tried to scream, but that only allowed him access into my mouth. His tongue shoved on top of mine, and he dropped his arms, moving them to my waist. I shoved against his chest, trying to force him off me, but my attempt was futile. Mike only tightened his grip on me, pulling me closer to his body.

I desperately needed air, my head was becoming fuzzy from lack of oxygen and using too much energy trying to heave Mike off of me.

He removed his tongue from my throat, obviously needed air as well. "Do not scream," he slurred in warning when he saw me gulping in a large quantity of air. His lips sucked on my collarbone, and I whimpered helplessly. I knew he would physically hurt me if I _did_ scream.

Ouch! Mike bit through my flesh, and I moaned in pain. I tried to move my hand up to see if there was any kind of blood, but Mike was pinning my arms down to my sides.

Mike clearly thought my whimper was to grant him more admission, so he began undoing the buttons on my polo. All I could think was _don't scream, don't scream, don't scream. You're probably going to be raped by your ex-boyfriend. Do not scream._

I bit my lip to keep from crying out, but I could not control the sobs shaking my whole frame. Mike had torn off my shirt now; I could see it lying in a puddle on the ground. My wrists twitched in Mike's grasp, longing to thrust him away, and my lip was bleeding because of the force of which I was biting into it.

Don't scream, don't scream, do not scream.

Mike unlatched my bra, and it cascaded to the floor. Tears were streaming down my face, and I unhooked my teeth from my bottom lip. I yearned to scream for help, but I was doing good just to keep breathing. My breath was coming in and out in painful gasps, but not as painful as Mike biting down on my breast. I pursed my lips together as hard as they would go to keep from screaming, and my hands balled into fists by my side. Mike's clasp around me was hurting my wrists and I could feel bruises in the shape of his fingers forming on my skin.

Mike's lips moved from my breasts to my stomach, trailing a long line of saliva. I grimaced, but Mike was too preoccupied to notice.

_DO NOT SCREAM! DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT!_

Mike let go of my wrists to open the zipper on my skirt. I huffed to hopefully get some much-needed air, and pushed him away from me. He staggered, and I took the time to put my bra back on. I was shaking with sobs and from the cold air on my exposed skin…

He came back at me full-force, bolting his lips to mine. I could taste the beer in his mouth, and I heaved against his chest and head to get him off.

He let me breathe for a second, biting sickeningly at my ear, and I sucked in a huge gulp of air.

_DON'T SCREAM, DON'T SCREAM, YOU CAN'T SCREAM! DON'T DO IT!! – _I screamed as loud as I could, hoping that someone – anyone – could hear me.

Mike growled, swearing under his malodorous breath, and he raised one of his hands to slap my cheek.

"Hey!" a honey-sweet, musical voice roared loudly.

Another set of footsteps came running down the alleyway, and Mike was pulled off of me.

I sunk slowly to the ground, shuddering violently with sobs, and placed my head between my knees. When that didn't help me keep my calm, I decided to put my shirt on again. I curled back up into a ball, not caring who saw up my skirt.

I felt unclean, as if I hadn't taken a shower in months, and I could taste Mike's putrid breath in my mouth. It would take seven tubes of toothpaste to get that out, and I wasn't looking forward to doing that. My eyelids, heavy with make-up and tears, were threatening to close and never open, and my head was still spinning out of control.

I was sexaully assulted by my ex-boyfriend.

What had started out as a simple night out to get revenge, turned into a horrendous night of harassment.

I leaned my head back against the wall, closed my eyes, and controlled my breathing as my savior with the beautiful, velvet voice took care of everything. I hoped. I was too terrified to peek through my lashes to see what was happening, but I could hear the sound of knuckles on flesh as they hit one another.

That made me sob even more than before.

A few minutes later, my vehement shudders ceased and the ground had stopped rotating. A hand came down lightly on my shoulder.

"Bella?" the musical voice asked.

I opened my eyes to see a pair of emerald green orbs scrutinizing my face.

"Oh, Edward!" I blubbered, throwing my arms around his neck. He sat down on the ground next to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, rubbing comforting circles on my back.

I buried my face into his side, his scent automatically calming me.

We sat like that for a while, in complete silence. He held me until my sobs had turned to sniffles and my breathing became more even.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward asked, his eyes full of concern.

"Yes, I think so." My face and wrists ached from where he touched me, and I desperately needed a shower, but at the moment I was perfectly fine where I was.

It took me a minute to realize, but everywhere Edward touched was on fire. It was the same feeling I felt when he helped me up off the floor in his room yesterday…

"How can you handle this so calmly?" he demanded.

I shrugged, laughing weakly.

He sighed, pulling me closer to his chest. This did not scare me like it would if anyone else held me. This was comforting, even after I was just assulted. "What am I going to do with you?" he whispered into my ear.

I laughed again. I was beginning to feel more and more like myself again. I was imagining a Hollywood-scenario for this – becoming unsociable and brooding, never moving on in life and never laughing again. I found myself slowly forgetting tonight, though I could still tangibly remember Mike's abuse. I was more than happy to think of this night as more of a ghastly nightmare rather than a reality.

"Come on, Bella," said Edward, pulling me up to my feet. "Let's get you home. The Chief's probably worried." He smiled a crooked smile that made my heart splutter. I couldn't help but grin in reply.

The car ride home was mainly spent in a comfortable silence. I knew I was a mess; I wiped off all the make-up and threw my hair up in a messy ponytail.

"Would you be okay with me asking," Edward began slowly, "what happened, exactly?"

My jaw tightened, but I answered. "We got into another theatrical fight. I stomped out of the diner and into an alleyway. Mike had ordered a beer, and in the amount of time it took for me to run away, he'd had enough time to drink twenty of them. He followed me, and you can guess the rest." I tried to smile, but it turned more into a grimace.

"Why didn't you scream for help earlier?" Edward's knuckles were white against his steering wheel. He looked like he was fighting himself not to break it.

"I knew Mike would hurt me."

Edward looked at me then, his long fingers trailing down the side of my face where Mike had hit me. "And that's where you got this? There's a handprint on your cheek, Bella."

I put my palm over his hand, holding it there. I looked into his eyes, not caring about whether or not we crashed. "Thank you," I said with as much sincerity I could muster.

Edward chuckled darkly. "Anytime…" he muttered, looking out the window.

--

Edward dropped me off at home, and I stumbled my way up the stairs and to the bathroom.

After about a three-hour shower, I spent another hour and a half brushing my teeth. Charlie came up to knock and see if I was alright more than once, but I always blew him off.

I finally strolled into my room, and I saw that Charlie had left a sheet of paper sitting on my desk.

I walked to it, curious, and then I saw it was another letter from Insane of Mind.

It read:

_Quite Clumsy,_

_I have not broken up with my girlfriend, though I know I should._

_You see, I love someone else now. Not that I ever __loved__ my girlfriend in the first place, it was merely an infatuation. _

_As I write this, it's almost midnight. If you get this before the morning it'll be a miracle, but I feel obligated to tell you what I'm about to say. I can't tell my sister, as she's so preoccupied with something unknown that no one can get a straight answer from her at all, and I know you won't tell anyone, so..._

_But recent tragedy with a close friend of mine really made me think. _

_If you repeat this to anyone, I'll joyfully kill you in your sleep, but I'm going to burst if I keep it in any longer._

_I think I'm in love with Bella Swan._

_Insane of Mind._

* * *

**Ta-da! I love reviews like Emmett loves bears.**

**Anna Claire: *trips***

**Me: Oh, are you okay?!**

**Anna Claire: Yeah, I just tripped over the phone cord...**

**Me: Um, AC... The phone is cordless....**

**Song-Kiss the Rain, Yiruma**


	9. Invisible

**Disclaimer: Once, I had a dream I owned Twilight. That was the longest night of my life. I own Jesslyn. I mean, she's pretty cool and all, but I'd rather own Alice. I also don't own any of the zillions of Taylor Swift (and other) songs I've used. So, I'm gonna leave now, because I know you don't read these things anyway. **

**BTW. This chapter is really confusing to me. I don't see how y'all read this story. It's so... scatterbrained. Anyway, I'm happy you read it, so ignore me and continute on with you life.**

* * *

_And I just wanna show you  
She don't even know you  
She will never love you like I want to  
You just see right through me, but if you only knew me  
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible._

-Invisible, Taylor Swift

* * *

**EPOV**

Shit.

_Shit._

Shit.

SHIT, **SHIT, **_**SHIT!!**_

Why, oh why, did I tell Quite Clumsy I loved Bella?

Spur-of-the-moment, perhaps? Sudden impulse? Undenying truth?

Whatever it was, I was now mentally pounding myself. Linkin Park was blasting through my speakers, causing the bed on which I lay to shake.

If anyone ever wrote a biography about me, this would totally be in it. "Edward Cullen, a young man with a thick skull, fell in love with the girl he was aware that he couldn't have. He knew he wasn't good enough for her. So now he sits moping around his room with a ten-foot-long beard his forty-seven cats like to play with, watching _Golden Girls_ reruns with his favorite felines."

I grumbled and scowled at nothing in particular.

Why was I such an idiot? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I glared at my pallid white ceiling.

"Edward? Honey, are you alright?" Esme's voice sounded worried through my locked door.

"I'm fine, Mom," I assured her. I didn't remove my glower from the ceiling.

I heard her muffled sigh before I listened to her footsteps retreating down the stairs.

I closed my eyes and blocked out the music. The only thing I saw was Bella's face. First it was a joyful face, the first time I really _saw_ her at Washington University. Her smile glowed with true happiness, and she exonerated confidence, though she herself did not believe it. Second it was her face last night, petrified, nervous, mortified, broken. I thought of the car ride home. Bella looked so fragile, like a porcelain doll sitting with fearful, ample eyes.

It was very hard keeping myself from slaughtering Mike Newton. Alice had burst into my room numerous times that day (hence the locked door) to warn me not to do anything rash. Of course, the first time that happened (about seven o'clock this morning) Alice had no idea what my fantasies of pain were for. I was guessing she and Bella had conversed over the phone some time afterward, as she hadn't come in to bother me for a few hours.

Bella was probably traumatized. I wished I could go help comfort her, but I knew that most likely that wasn't the best idea. Sure, Bella and I were basically best friends, but this was something I recognized needed to be talked about with Alice, Jesslyn, and Rosalie.

So that left me plunked on my bed, staring at the tile on the ceiling, drowning my outlook with music, and pondering the negatives of this whole entire situation.

I sighed again.

The next few minutes were spent with me telling myself I was an idiot. Which was true. I reflected on that moment before school had ended when Alice had called me an asshole, and when she punched me in the stomach. That was true as well.

So the _next _few minutes I pondered all the brainless things I'd done.

I'd fallen for Tanya. I'd asked her out. We'd had good times, I guess, but she just wasn't for me.

Story of my life.

I'd befriended Quite Clumsy. That was a foolish act; Quite Clumsy started all this agony I was feeling now. But even more so now because Quite Clumsy was no longer just a eleventh grade English project. She was an outlet, an ally to the drama of summer flings and memories. And possibly more than that. Quite Clumsy's letters were a reassurance every time I saw it sitting in the mailbox, and thinking about her sent an electric shock through my veins. I had told her almost every aspect of my life.

Including telling her I loved Bella.

I scowled at the white foam on the ceiling. Biggest mistake of my existence.

The Linkin Park CD continued to thud through my eardrums. I was aware of the vibrations yet I could not hear any sound. Bella's face last night chimed around in my head. Gaunt. Terrified. Ashen. Her features were strained, and her skin was stretched across her cheekbones severely. Her eyes – her beautiful, cavernous, lively, brown eyes – struggling to stay open, filled with tears, and empty. I felt like I was looking at a corpse then, while I held her in my arms after I punched Mike's face inside out. I wondered what she looked like now, even after she'd spoken with my sister and the others, and after she'd cleaned up.

_Moron, moron, moron!_ I sang to myself in my head, letting every notion lick my conscience.

I wondered if Quite Clumsy was going to respond. Probably not. I sighed and clambered off the bed, ambling to my desk.

After rummaging around for a few moments in the drawer, I pulled out the folder with the letters inside. I opened it carefully, delicately, as if each sheet of paper was a weak leaf that would crumble with the faintest form of pressure. I noted vaguely that each time I moved a paper, a scent would waft up to my nose and fill me with an aroma that seemed familiar to me.

I gingerly slid the sketch out of the pocket and held it in front of my face.

I memorized every stroke her pencil must have taken, and traced my fingers finely on the dents the instrument made.

I flipped it over to the back, and the odor struck me again. Something flowery, like something Bella would wear.

I looked at the initials. 'IMS'. I stared at them for a long while, before the truth struck me.

Alice's nonsensical babble about "not knowing", the well-known handwriting and scent, the familiar initials.

IMS.

Isabella Marie Swan.

Well, shit.

* * *

**BPOV**

I woke up the next morning feeling sore and tainted; thoughts of last night rushed up to my memory before I could do anything about them.

I was, most of all, pissed off. Mike the loser, Mike the pig, Mike the bastard, Mike the git. Gay Mike, Slimy Mike, Drunk Mike, Dead Mike… I let the feelings vent out. The last thing I needed on my conscience was a murder. _Just let someone like Emmett McCarthy do it and you'll be set!_ an overly-chipper voice suggested. I grimaced and halted all the thoughts of homicide. Hmm, there were so many words for the word "murder"…

Stop. That wasn't halting any thoughts at all. I frowned and got up to take another super-long shower.

--

After I was all nice and clean (still not feeling uncontaminated, yet feeling more in-character than I knew I should), my first thought was Alice. Telling Alice about this was not something I wanted to do; I knew Alice would figure it out, and I knew she'd call the cops.

Sigh.

I threw on some old sweatpants and a t-shirt, flinging my hair into a wet ponytail. I walked to my drawer where I kept my paints and brushes, and opened my closet to retrieve a blank canvas.

After I was set up, I let all my thoughts out onto the illustration.

I threw color after color onto the canvas, smirking with satisfaction once I heard the _splat_ of the paint meeting the embodiment. I didn't k now what I was painting; I was looking with my eyes but not really seeing anything.

Gah! I hated Mike. I hated him with a passion that should send him to be locked in a foul pit in hell.

_Splat._

I hated my body, for revealing the bruises Mike had made. Revealing them for everyone to see.

_Splat._

I hated Mike even more for saying he loved me, though he never did.

_Splat._

But someone else did.

The splatter did not come.

The thought of Insane of Mind's letter sent a shiver along my spine that I did not know the source of. Excitement, fear, lust? I didn't know.

I was conscious of the brush in my hand slowing to a stroke, but my eyes were so glazed and clouded with feelings that I didn't have any kind of idea what the picture was.

I really didn't know what to think of Insane of Mind's letter. Of course, he didn't know that Quite Clumsy was _me._ Or at least, I hoped he didn't, because if he did I was meat.

But I also felt a twinge of jealousy towards myself. I was becoming very… attached… to Insane of Mind's mail. So fond of them, in fact, that I was sure it was unhealthy.

Each time I noted there was a letter addressed to Quite Clumsy in the mailbox, written in Insane of Mind's neat, loopy writing, the sheer ecstasy of hearing from him made me skip up to my room, many times earning strange looks from Charlie if he was home.

I was quite sure that Insane of Mind was very best friend close friend: maybe even more so than Alice now.

I frowned: the thought of Alice had my other thoughts all jumbled up. The thought-bubble that was Insane of Mind bursted with a tangible _pop!_

I was aware of my hand holding the brush coming to a stop.

I stepped back to look at my painting for the first time, and then scowling.

I had unintentionally painted an almost life-like portrait of Edward Cullen – but of course, no painter could capture the absolute perfection that was Edward.

I had gotten as close to perfect as I could have. Somehow, my subconscious had structured flawlessly the angular face and features, the auburn hair, the alarmingly green eyes, and the pale, glowing complexion.

I gasped aloud when I realized how amazing Edward truly was, both physically and mentally. How he had held me last night, how he drove me home, how his emerald eyes filled with genuine concern for me.

I was aware that there was some other emotion, something I could not identify, in his eyes last night, but I was too distracted to notice. How Edward had saved me from IT while he had his hands all over me.

Shuddering, I shook my head, trying to clear it.

This was stupid. These thoughts of Mike, Insane of Mind, and Edward were all products of the paint fumes. That's why they were bouncing around in my brain, rebounding off the inside of my skull like an atom.

I sighed and loped to the bathroom the rinse out the brush, placing the paints back into the desk and moving the painting to dry in front of the open window.

While I was doing that act, I saw a canary yellow sports car zoom into my drive.

Dammit. Alice. I hurriedly positioned a large, dark smock over the portrait and swiftly changed outfits, removing all evidence of paint.

The doorbell rang. "Bella?" Alice's voice sounded timid, though muffled. That worried me. Did Alice know?

"Coming!" I called, struggling to make my voice casual, as though I had not been raped twelve hours ago.

I rushed down the stairs to open the door, in the process tripping over my feet and ending up rolling down. I landed in a heap on the ground, moaning. This was good; it could possibly be my excuse for my hand-shaped bruises. Not.

"Oh, Bella, did you fall down again?" Alice asked, sounding exasperated now. I could just picture her stance. Hands on hips, leg cocked, eyes rolling. I heard the click of the front door as her footsteps came nearer.

One look at my form on the floor and Alice sighed, sauntering over indifferently to help me up.

Yes, that's it. Help Bella up now, because this always happens. You never saw anything unusual, heard nothing about Mike Newton or Edward Cullen…

Once I was steady on my feet, Alice didn't look at me. She was gazing into the living room, her eyes pensive.

"So," she began. I didn't think she had looked at my face yet, but I hid behind my hair just in case. "Edward's been locked up in his room all day long. You didn't return with your truck from the Lodge with Mike, and Edward came home looking shaken and scandalized. He threw his keys on the table only to pick them up again with a sheet of paper and a pen. He didn't return to the house until about one this morning. He's been looking like murder all morning, mumbling words I could hear through his door that sounded awfully like the words 'Mike,' 'Bella,' and 'rape.'" Her stare moved from no where to look at my face sharply. I sucked in my breath and cringed into my hair.

"Bella, what happened to you?" Alice whispered. Her fingers brushed my hair out of my face. She placed her palm on the mark that I knew had Mike's slap-print on it; I flinched at her cold touch.

"Nothing," I lied shakily. "Nothing happened at all."

I tried to pull my mouth up into a smile, but it turned more into a grimace.

Alice saw right through me, and she pulled me in to bundle me up in her arms. I couldn't help it now. I sobbed onto her shoulder just as I had with her brother.

Alice led me up the stairs and sat me down on my bed. I obstructed the waterworks and sniffled.

"Now," Alice commanded. "Tell me what happened."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do. And," she added, letting go of me to pick up my cell phone, "we're calling Rose and Jess."

I gasped. "You wouldn't," I almost growled.

"I would, and I am. Watch me." Alice stood up, and I lunged for her. She danced out of my way, saying, "Rosalie, Jesslyn? Malfunction." I snorted. Alice would say that. "Seattle, we have a problem. Get your skinny little butts down to Forks before I come up and eat you."

I laughed a weak, dead, defeated laugh.

There were some mumbles on the other side of the line, two voices. One sounded angry and another had a worried edge to it. I could guess which voice belonged to who.

"Okay, fine," Alice sighed eventually. "But you better put it on speakerphone."

She closed the phone, but I noted she didn't press the "end" button.

"So I'm not telling Jess and Rose?" I confirmed. I was suspicious that Rosalie and Jesslyn could hear every word I was saying, thanks to modern speakerphone technology.

"Er," Alice stalled. Then her eyes looked amused and she grinned. "Actually, yes. Yes, Bella, you are."

I had to beam in response, but it turned into a sigh.

I exhaled noisily. "Hey, Rose. Hey, Jess."

Alice opened the phone. "Hey, Bella!" I heard Rosalie's voice squeal. Jesslyn said nothing.

"Okay," said Alice. "Now. Spill."

--

By the end of my story I was weeping again, as were Alice, Jesslyn, and Rose. Alice had me enveloped in a hug, allowing me to ruin her shirt.

Nothing worse than a teenage rape, eh? Bah.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Jesslyn whispered. The phone was sitting on the tabletop next to my bed, but I could still hear everything she and Rose said clearly. Alice had said nothing about the dark square shape in the corner of my room, for which I was grateful, because I was positive she's noticed it.

The image of Insane of Mind's letter flashed in my mind. How he'd comforted me all summer long, how I could tell him everything without having to worry about what he thought or if he'd tell.

The next Insane of Mind thought brought on another round of renewed howling from me, as the belief of the concept was sickening to me at the moment. But there as no point in trying to prevent the reality of it.

I loved Insane of Mind.

But he loved _me_. I was just Quite Clumsy to him, as I will always be.

If Insane of Mind loves Bella Swan, who does Quite Clumsy love?

* * *

**A/N: You know, if you review more, I'll update faster.**

**Song - The Weasley Way, by the Butterbeer Experience (Wizard Rock!)**

**Just kidding. Song change. It's "What Kind Of Name Is Hermione?" by the Parselmouths( **

**Whatever. Review, please!**

**PS-Indeed. I DO know (now) that that was not a "rape." It was a "sexual assult." But I'm too lazy to go thourgh and change it, so every time you see the word rape, change it in your mind to sexual assult. Hah. Omc. "Stop! Don't touch me there. These are my no-no squares. R-A-P-E get your dirty hands off me." HAHAHAHAHA. Dance team joke(:**

**-xiiluvyuhhx**


	10. I'm Only Me When I'm With You

_I'm only up when you're not down,_

_Don't want to fly if you're still on the ground,_

_It's like no matter what I do…_

_Well you drive me crazy_

_Half the time, and the other half I'm only trying_

_To let you know that what I feel is true._

_And I'm only me when I'm with you._

-I'm Only Me When I'm With You, Taylor Swift

* * *

**BPOV**

I watched Alice drive away, her face twisted up in anger, remorse, melancholy, and determination. For what, I didn't know, but I didn't bother to stick around and watch. I unearthed the painting, throwing the cover into the hamper, and rushed back to my desk.

_Insane of Mind,_

_Bella Swan, eh? I don't know if she's good enough for you…_

_Seriously, you've been complaining about your girlfriend for a while now. She's not stupid, she has to have noticed how you don't really care for her anymore. But you're not one of those guys who treats girls like paper planes: good for fun, yet disposable. Make sure that you don't give her (your girlfriend) that impression. _

_And don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone, so don't lose any sleep over it or anything. _

_Quite Clumsy_

* * *

**EPOV**

The phone kept ringing ominously. Of course, Tanya's backringtone would be Britney Spears. "Womanizer" resounded in my eardrums like a dirge. Was that supposed to mean something?

"Hello?" Tanya answered. I could hear the gum smacking around in her mouth.

"Hey, Tanya, it's Edward."

It took her a minute. "Oh, hey Edward! How are you?" Her voice mocked me; it was like she was talking to a three-year-old.

"Um. Actually, I just called to say something really quickly."

"Mhm…" She was only half interested. Probably caught up in the MTV drama. "And what might that be?"

"Tanya," I said slowly. "Listen. Serious talk, here."

"What is it, Edward?"

There's that true attention.

"I think…" I took a deep breath and tried again. I was too nice for this! "I think we should break up."

Silence.

Screech.

"Ungh!"

I flinched away from the phone.

"I'm sorry, Tanya. I mean, you're beautiful, and you're-" I cut off, about to say _smart_. "And you're stylish and witty, but you and me just don't work out."

Tanya sighed. "I knew this was coming. Is this about me and Kate egging your best friend's car?"

She did what now?

"Erm. What?"

"Uhhhh," Tanya stalled. "Nothing. Nothing, really. But Jasper was just really getting on our nerves, and it was just sitting there…"

Jasper? I breathed a sigh of relief. At least it wasn't Bella, who was really my best friend (and more).

_Shut up, brain! _I screamed to myself.

"Uhm, that's alright, Tanya," I said. "But we can still be friends, right?"

Please say no, please say no…

"Sure thing, Eddie!" Tanya chirped, back to being partly concerned. Her attention was focused on the television again.

"_90210_?" I guessed after a silent moment.

"Nah," said Tanya, laughing. "_The Office_."

"Ah," I murmured, my thoughts elsewhere. Like on the desk in the corner of my room, where the latest letter from Bella/Quite Clumsy sat. Quite Clumsy. Ha. Bella's penname was laughable. Of course Bella would pick something to do with being a klutz. I should have known from the beginning.

"Well, Carmen and Eleazar will be here soon," Tanya hedged.

"What? Oh, okay. Bye, Tanya." I hung up, feeling a little remorseful. That didn't last long. I sauntered to my desk and pulled out the most recent epistolary.

_Quite Clumsy_

_I just broke up with my girlfriend. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, so that's good._

_How have you been?_

_Insane of Mind._

I wanted to know how well she was coping. I folded the letter into an envelope and went to deliver it.

* * *

**BPOV**

The next day I went to visit Edward, as I owed him some explaining. I retold him the story of Mike from the dinner, and by the end I was crying again, just simply remembering it. He held me and tried to soothe me with a somewhat pained expression.

"What?" I demanded through my blubbering.

"It's nothing."

"No, really, Edward. What is it? Is it me ruining your shirt?" I asked, remorseful. "I'm really sorry about that…" I fluttered my hands uselessly and got up, noticing embarrassingly that I had been sitting on his lap while he rocked my tears away.

"No, no, Bella, it's fine. It's just-" Edward hesitated, and I could tell he was editing what he was originally planning on saying. "-It's just that I really want to put Mike on the Endangered Species list."

I laughed shakily. He laughed with me.

"But really, are you alright?" True concern laced his tone, more so than it had on the night Mike had attacked me. I looked at Edward's eyes, searching for words to go with that expression.

His eyes were brimmed with shining apprehension and sincerity, while the inside was aglow with... lust? Tenderness, feeling? I didn't know. But looking at him look at me that way brought back the inferno that raced through my veins.

"I'm fine," I breathed quickly, not meeting his eyes. He put two fingers under my chin and coaxed my face up to where I was looking him straight in the eye. He assessed my expression before sighing and letting my gaze plunge back to the floor. I was suddenly very interested in my shoes.

"I'm going to go," I said, heading towards the door.

I could feel his eyes watching me leave all the way down to my truck.

_I__nsane of Mind,_

_Good for you! Phone call? That's how my friend did it as well. He said it worked out better than he had planned, and so that reminded me of what you said, and I thought that was kind of cool._

_I'm… getting by. Mainly, I've been "feeding" off your letters, my friends, and my art. I'm certainly not ready for school to start back. Are you?_

_Quite Clumsy_

* * *

**EPOV**

Bella's voice, her face, her touch, everything. Her name echoed in my mind like the pulse of blood beneath a bruise.

_Thud, thud, thud. Bella, Bella, Bella._

Her latest letter made me laugh. "_Phone call? That's how my friend did it as well. He said it worked out better than he had planned…"_ She didn't have to know that we were the same person. She'd been "feeding" off my letters. Ha. That made her sound like a vampire or something. Ha, ha.

_Quite Clumsy,_

_I'm glad I've been able to help you._

_No, I'm not looking forward to school, either. I'm going to miss sleeping in, no homework, and, most dominantly, my friends. Classes are so boring, but at least this will be our last year. Only two weeks left of summer, right? I'm going to use it in the best way possible. You know, enjoy the moment and all that. _

_Insane of Mind_

* * *

**BPOV**

I'm pretty positive that Alice knows about my art. I've been painting every day lately to get my mind off things, and she always happens to drive by every time I do. So I rush to cover it up while she drags me to last-minute shopping trips. We've been on about – ah, what was it? Four? – four "last minute" excursions.

_Insane of Mind,_

_I agree. Classes are stupid. But the good thing about school could be that we would be friends! But, knowing that we've shared everything together, that might be kind of awkward…_

_Have you decided what college you're going to yet?_

_Quite Clumsy._

* * *

**EPOV**

"You're head over heels for her, mate," noted Jasper.

"Yeah, just tell her, Edward," supplied Alice.

"Yeah?" I practically snarled. "How in the world am I supposed to tell my best friend that I'm in love with her?!"

Alice sighed, mumbling words like "Jesslyn" and "relationships" under her breath. "I just have a good feeling about this, Eddie."

I scowled and shoved them out of the room.

_Quite Clumsy,_

_I really want to go to Dartmouth, because that's where my father went. But Washington University works, too. What about you?_

_Insane of Mind._

* * *

_Dear Bella,_

_I would really like it if you could meet me by the lake tonight at nine o'clock. There are quite a lot of things we need to… go over._

_Insane of Mind._

* * *

**BTW: Yes, Edward really did send the letter above addressed to BELLA and signed by Insane of Mind. The next chapter (or maybe one or two more after that) will be the end of book one. I'm not making a sequel, because that's just a waste of document space (I still don't know how to work those), so I'm just making a "book one" and a "book two". So, yeah.**

**A/N: Uhm. Chapter Yay!**

**Next chapter's gonna be exciting!(: It'll just take me a while to write it. Patience, grasshopper.**

**Song: Breathe, Taylor Swift ft. Colbie Caillat**

**Questions? Comments? Concerns?**

**Ha.**

**GermX: "Do not apply on any body part other than hands."**

***drop lands on Lacey's foot. She screams and freaks out, grabbing her cell phone and dialing the Help number listed on bottle***

**Random GermX Lady (sickly sweetly): Hello, can I help you?**

**Lacey (serenely): Hello. If I drop your product on my foot, will I die?**

**REVIEW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Whatcha wanna see next chapter, eh?**


	11. Breathe

**A/N: Okay, so is kinda-sorta the last chapter of Book One. Yay...? Actually, I'm kind of depressed. But that's okay, there's still one more transition chapter then we're off to Book Two!**

**Disclaimer I do not own Twilight, I do not own Isabella Marie, Mary Alice, Edward Anthony, Rosalie Lillain, or anyone else. I own Jesslyn and Hunter. I do not own any of the songs listed (mainly by Taylor Swift, her new album come out November 11!), and, so, yeah. Read now, I'll talk later.**

_

* * *

_

_And we know it's never simple,_

_Never easy._

_Never a clean break, _

_No one here to save me;_

_You're the only thing I know_

_Like the back of my hand._

_And I can't Breathe _

_Without you,_

_But I have to._

-Breathe, Taylor Swift ft. Colbie Caillat.

* * *

**BPOV**

I was dressed in a pair of jeans and a navy sweater. The Black Ghosts were playing on the radio, highlighting the mood nicely. The radio was up more loudly than most people would have set it, as the sound of my truck caused such a roar that it was hard to hear.

I passed black clumps of trees, each blurring as my Chevy lugged past. The moon was full up in the sky, accented by clusters of stars. The road on the way to the lake was completely empty.

I didn't really know why I was here. You would think, after being assaulted sexually by my ex-boyfriend, that I would have more common sense than this, meeting some random boy I didn't know out somewhere in the dark.

I did consider not coming. That was the logical way of thinking, the choice most normal people would have selected. But each time I told myself this was a very stupid thing to do, my heart would start leaping around in my chest, paining me until I instructed myself that I _had _to come.

I thought I knew Insane of Mind. I did not know his real identity, but he evidently knew mine.

So where did that leave me? Was I finding out who he really was tonight? Was I going to hear one of his infamous piano pieces?

And did that mean that he loved me?

I turned into the rocks where I was supposed to park my truck. There was only one other car there, but the moonlight hit it just so I couldn't make out the type. From what I could tell, it was silver, or blue, or some lightly sleek color.

I jumped out of my truck. The sound of my footsteps clattered around on the gravel until I stepped onto the damp earth.

The lake scene looked picturesque. The moonlight struck the calm water stunningly, causing little breaks of white light to drift along the surface. There was a mass of trees on the shore, dark outlines against the sparkling lake. I could make out a figure standing on the edge of the dock, a single silhouette looking out to the water. All I could note was that the figure was tall, motionless, and his hair was sticking up in all directions.

I walked towards the stature silently. My breathing was coming out in soundless gasps; I could feel my blood pulsing swiftly through my veins. Was I sure this was Insane of Mind?

Only when I stepped up onto the dock did the figure turn. The motion was slow, reluctant; I halted, and gasped.

The moonlight threw his sharp features into precision, making his bronze hair shimmer. His emerald eyes glistened from the outside in, scrutinizing my reaction. He stuffed his hands into the pocket of he jeans.

"Edward?" I gasped, my voice just above a whisper.

He stared at me, his eyes unfathomable.

"You – you're Insane of Mind?"

Edward nodded mutely. I took a step closer, attempting futilely to gather my now-confused thoughts. After all this time? It seemed like we knew everything about one another. Why could I never guess before? It was all so clear now. The familiar, graceful handwriting, the penname: Insane of Mind. Clearly, it was about being constantly pestered by Alice and his other friends, Jasper and Emmett. Edward had always been insightful to other people's thoughts, always fascinated by other people's perspectives. Not to mention all the stories of breaking up with his girlfriend, going to visit some friends at a college, and meeting a new best friend… me. I mentally kicked myself.

"But – but why didn't you ever tell me?" My speech was still soft; I didn't know how he could hear it. The wind whispered in my ear. I took another step closer.

"I didn't know you were Quite Clumsy, either, Bella," Edward said. "I only found out about a week or so ago."

"But why didn't you tell me then?" I demanded.

"Because we had shared so much to one another…"

I sighed. I had forgotten about all of that.

"You haven't told anyone, have you?" I asked. I looked at my feet.

"No, Bella, why would I?" He sounded indignant. I didn't glance up to see his expression.

"Because most people would…" I trailed off.

"Bella, I'm not like most people," Edward reminded me quietly. "Plus, You're my best friend. Is that what you expect of a best friend?"  
"Well, no, but…"

"Then what is the problem on your side of this mess?" he stipulated. I did not fail to notice how he said "your side."

"Edward, I don't want people to know how I feel about relationships, or my paintings."

I heard his footsteps coming towards me, then saw his shoes step into my vision. He grabbed the side of my face in both his hands and lightly lifted my head so I was looking him straight in the eye.

"Why don't you want anyone to know about your talent?" he breathed. The scent of his breath stunned me. We had never gotten this close before, except for that night with Mike…

"Because I'm not very good. And it's just a hobby, it's not like I'm going to start drawing as a living or anything," I said, not meeting his gaze, although he was still holding up my face. He coaxed my gaze back up to meet his own.

"Not very good?" Edward asked me, outraged and bewildered. "Bella, your pictures are amazing. There's absolutely no denying that." His stare burned with his sincerity. I could feel my heart bound again.

I blushed, and he dropped his hands with a sigh.

It was silent for a moment.

"Um, so, why are we here, exactly?" I asked in a small voice.

Edward grinned. The smile was lopsided, but it still exposed his perfect teeth. They glimmered in the nocturnal light; I could feel a smirk of my own creep onto my face.

His eyes were mostly filled with amusement, but beneath the surface I could see something else there. It was a mix between anxiety, reluctance, and… that one look I could never place. He grabbed my hand and yanked me towards the ominous-looking forest that outlined the lake. My tennis shoes squashed portentously in the mud.

We were still a little ways away from the trees; I began to pant as we ran towards this unknown destination. Edward's breathing remained perfectly even. I wondered vaguely how often he dragged people into threatening forests. I decided I didn't want to know.

We reached the neck of the woods, and tore through the leaves. A little after that, Edward, who was leading me, slowed to a stop. I took the time to catch my breath.

He looked back at me and winked. My heartbeat lurched.

We walked into a clearing in the trees, and I gasped. It was a seemingly perfect circle; the ground was brown, yet still covered in grass. It was solid, not too muddy or squashy, and here and there some yellow and purple wildflowers sprouted up. In the center of the clearing was a large tree stump, with two smaller tree ends planted opposite each other around it. To the left corner of the clearing was a magnificent piano, with the black bench pushed out.

I walked to the makeshift table, the largest tree stump. Placed in the center were a candle and two glasses filled with fresh water. I flopped onto one of the smaller stumps, covering my mouth with my hands.

I sucked in a shaky breath. "Edward," I breathed in awe. "This is just, too much."

Edward chuckled and sat on the other tree stump across from me. He picked up his glass, and I did the same.

"To pen-pals," he said, clinking his glass to mine.

"To pen-pals," I echoed, drinking. The water was flavored, revitalizing and fresh with undiluted minerals.

I looked around some more, feeling Edward's eyes on my face.

"This place is beautiful, Edward," I said.

He grinned crookedly at me. "Shucks. You're making me blush," he joked. I laughed; I knew it took a lot to make my best friend blush.

I gestured towards the piano questioningly. He winked at me at got up to saunter to the bench. "You said you wanted to hear me play, didn't you?"

I laughed. It seemed to me that Quite Clumsy and Insane of Mind were merely memories, just figures that meant little in my life. Passersby that I'd seen on a crowded street, or outlines that were in a remote dream.

Edward's fingers brushed along the keys once, and then the most exquisite, meticulous, stunning piece of music drifted to my spot on the tree stump. It was slow, lovely, and undoubtedly the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. I gasped.

Edward must have heard me, as he glanced at me to beam cheekily. I giggled, then shushed myself so I could hear.

A few minutes later, the music drifted to a close. My eyes felt prickly; I reached my finger up, feeling a wet tear leak onto it. I hurriedly wiped away the rest of the tears as Edward began to stretch and stand up.

"Thank you," I whispered in a strangled voice.

He smiled a perfect, flawless smile. "You inspired that one, you know," he said.

I felt my eyes wide in disbelief; Edward smirked. I stood up and ran towards my best friend, flinging my arms around his neck.

He laughed and patted my back hesitantly. I let go instantly and started walking slowly backwards from him.

Edward sighed. I stopped and stared at him.

"Bella, this is more than just a friendly outing to tell you that I was your pen pal," he began. "As you may have already figured out, there is much more to you and me than there is to Insane of Mind and Quite Clumsy."

I sensed where he was going with this, but I did not want to think it. I loved Edward, and if he had been, for some reason, kidding about liking me, I don't know what I would have done. If he was starting to say that he loved me as well, I don't know what I would do then, either. I didn't want to get my hopes up, though, so I clasped my hands together and looked down at them.

"This summer, we've both had too much drama for us to handle. Summer flings with Mike and Tanya" he spat their names "moving in Rosalie and Emmett, getting physched for being seniors and then going to college, this stupid English project, the whole lot of it. Not to mention Jasper hooking up with my sister," he added. I laughed. "But one of the big things this summer was you and I becoming very, very, _very_ close friends."

I mused how he had said "you and I" as he continued.

"That friendship was linked by verbal bonds and – though we did not know it at the time – by nonverbal affiliations. Over time – for both of us, I'm sure, though I'm only positive of myself – that friendship evolved into something more."

I kept squishing my aspirations… I could feel my heart beating erratically in my chest. I wanted to hold it and pin it down somewhere, to ensure that it's obnoxious noise did not ruin the moment.

"I know I told you in a letter once that I loved you. I'm positive that you did not think very much of it, and I'm sure you probably forgot about it." He paused. I laughed internally. Forget about that letter? Impossible. I thought about it every day. "But, Bella, I do. I _do_ love you."

My heart spluttered and stopped. I had to remind myself to breathe. Edward walked towards where I was standing, motionless.

"Every day," he said. "Every day I think about your laugh, the way the sound has a musical air to it, or the way your face glows when you're happy." I blushed and he kept going. "Every day I think about how your cheeks pool with color when you're embarrassed, or how you mumble and shuffle your feet when you're nervous. Every day I think about the feeling of that damn fire…" he trailed off, shaking his head as if to clear it, and continued. "That inferno that races through my whole being when I touch you. Every day I wonder if you could ever possibly love me back, and I wonder if you're thinking about me, too."

His eyes pierced mine. I placed that expression, the expression I'd flustered over all this time. It was love. And right now, Edward's eyes were ablaze with that love. I was astounded, wordless, going over the seriousness and authenticity of his speech in my head.

I was still trying to figure out if this was a dream. An ailing, masochistic dream.

"Bella?" Edward asked hesitantly.

I looked into his eyes sharply, became befuddled, and looked down again. I started mumbling, but I managed nothing coherent.

"Oh, Edward," was all I managed to get out. I ran straight at him, leaping gracefully into his arms and kissing him fiercely.

When we broke apart, he chuckled, a little out of breath.

"Well," he said, winded. "This worked out better than I would have ever thought."

"Yeah," I breathed. Then I laughed. And I kept laughing.

"What?" Edward asked, smirking.

"Nothing, really," I said. "It's just – look at how far we've come! At the end of junior year, we were galaxies that would never touch. Now look at this! We've created a supernova. Remind me to thank Mr. Varner next time I get the chance."

Edward chuckled again, kissing my jaw. "I'll be sure to do that, because I want to thank him, too."

I laughed, then sighed. "It's getting really dark. Charlie'll probably start worrying soon."

Edward gusted out a big breath. "Yeah, I guess so." He scrambled to his feet – somehow, we'd ended up on the ground – and held out his hand for me to take.

We walked unhurriedly through the woods and back to the dock, talking of everything and nothing. It was just one of those relationships when you can be perfectly content just being in each other's company.

Edward draped open arm around my shoulders, and one of mine snaked around his waist. As we walked, I nuzzled my face into his shoulder, inhaling his honey-sweet scent.

He chuckled and stopped, sliding out of my grasp. I looked at him; he was grinning at me. "May I have this dance?" he asked, bowing and holding his hand out.

I laughed and took his hand. He wound his arms around my waist and I entangled mine around his neck.

And so we swayed in the moonlight until the morning.

* * *

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away  
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.  
People are people and sometimes we change our minds  
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time_

_Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie  
It's the kind of endin' that you don't really wanna see  
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down  
Now I don't know what to be without you around._

_And we know it's never simple, never easy  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

_And I can't Breathe  
Without you, but I have to  
Breathe  
Without you, but I have to_

_Never wanted this, never wanted to see you hurt  
Every little bump in the road I try to swerve  
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out  
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out..._

_And we know it's never simple, never easy  
Never a clean break, no one here to save me  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

_And I can't Breathe  
Without you, but I have to  
Breathe  
Without you, but I have to..._

_It's two AM, feelin like I just lost a friend  
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me  
It's two AM, feelin like I just lost a friend  
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me._

Song: Breathe

Artist: Taylor Swift featuring Colbie Caillat

Album: Fearless, November 11, 2008

Disclaimer: Big Machine Records, 2008

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* * *

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**A/N: Okay, so. Lots to cover.**

**One: Yes, they DO stay at the lake until the morning, and Charlie/Esme/Carlisle find them together. **

**Which leads us to two.**

**Two: I'll go ahead and tell you what happens in the next [transition] chapter. Bella is banned from seeing Edward again, and vice versa. Of course, the pair pulls off a Romeo&Juliet romance, but that leads us to number three.**

**Three: Book Two is about Bella and Edward having to not see each other all senior year, and soon they're off to college. Which leads us to number four.**

**Four: You know what, screw this. I'll just tell you Book Two's summary.**

**Summary of Book Two/next chapter: Charlie and Esme find Bella and Edward asleep in one another's arms on the dock. They ban them from ever seeing each other again, and Bella and Edward continue to shamble through their classes in senior year brokenhearted; they both attend different colleges for two years. What happens when they meet again, as juniors at Washington State University? Bella is no longer the clumsy, uncoordinated girl she used to be. Now she's beautiful, graceful, and captain of the dance team; Insane of Mind is a figment lost in the back of her mind. When Edward moves to WU, he finds Bella perfectly happy with Jacob Black. Is she? Bella may not remember Edward, but he certainly remembers her.**

**Song: Well, at the moment, my speakers are disconnected (for some unknown reason), but while I was writing......**

**Full Moon, the Black Ghosts (Yes, I own the Twilight album, and got an Edward poster!)**

**PLEASE review. And Private Message me. What would you REALLY like to see in Book Two?**


	12. The Best Thing

**Sorry it took so long. This is the last chapter of book one. I'm serious this time. Okay, so, see you!**

* * *

_It's been a year  
Filled with problems  
But now you're here  
Almost as if to solve them  
And I can't live in a world without you now_

-The Best Thing, Relient K

* * *

**EPOV**

The light from the dawn peeked through my shut eyelids, and the wet morning dew clung to my clothes, but I didn't particularly want to wake up. I could feel Bella's warmth scorching my arms, sending oscillations of thrill shooting through my body. Last night had been perfect. We danced until we couldn't stay vertical anymore, and after that we started talking, completely losing track of time.

I finally had the one girl who completed me, the one girl who had wormed herself into my heart and settled in there. The one girl that I knew boys lined up to date, and she was _mine._ I was hers, and she was mine.

_I was hers. _

The thought rang through my head vigorously. Of course, that was a huge understatement; _all of me_ was hers. The saying didn't exactly cover the fact that everything belonged to Bella. My heart, my mind, my body, my life. All hers. If only she knew….

Voices bickering loudly resounded through the still air. The shrill voices irritated me – I wished they would go away.

"We found them!" a familiar female voice exclaimed, relieved. I could hear her soft footsteps stirring the tranquil grass; they suddenly stopped. "Oh, my…" The voice trailed off.

Another set of footsteps came now. "We call for enforcement and we find them at the freaking _lake_?!" the second voice roared. It was foreign; I didn't recognize the sound. It was base, scratchy, and it sounded enraged. The footsteps thundered until they were very close to my head.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the noises. I didn't want to leave my Bella.

I sighed softly, and opened my eyes to look straight up into the livid face of Chief Charlie Swan, Bella's father.

Crap.

I snapped my eyes shut again. Chief Swan huffed angrily.

Bella stirred in my arms, and I peeked down at her. She looked around groggily, disoriented. Then she sat up, looked around blearily, and spotted her father. "Charlie!" she mumbled under her breath sleepily,

"Isabella Marie!" Chief Swan boomed.

"Edward Anthony!" gasped Esme. She covered her mouth with her hand.

I couldn't understand. Why were their reactions the way they were? It was so early in the morning, too…

"What's going on?" Bella's eyes were half-open now. She yawned, stretching her arms over her head. She seemed unbothered: maybe her brain wasn't too responsive at this time of day, either. She clambered awkwardly to her feet.

"_What's going on_ is that you went out of the house last night at nine, and didn't come back!" Chief Swan's voice sounded like a hiss to me.

Esme took a few steps closer, so she was standing at the chief's side, and she raised her eyebrows at me. "Yes, and Alice told me you'd run off with Bella Swan. So soon it was almost midnight, and so I called Charlie, her father. He said he hadn't seen either of you, and we both were worried sick! How could you do this to us?" Esme took a deep breath and closed her eyes momentarily. Bella and I hung our heads in shame and shuffled our feet around the grass.

"I called the Whitlock's, the McCarthy's, the Newton's, and some of your other friends to ask if they'd seen you. Charlie Swan called the Hales', the Webers', and a few others to ask about Bella. All of them had no idea where you were, and so we called the police."

"Yeah," said Chief Swan gruffly, "so then we come to look by the lake and we find you two all snuggled up to each other. Did you two lovebirds have _fun _last night? Hmmm?"

I looked down, ashamed and embarrassed, and Bella's face heated up, either in anger, humiliation, or a mix of the two.

"You know what?" Chief Swan said hysterically after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. He threw his hands up in the air exasperatedly as if in surrender. "Bella, you listen here. I forbid you from ever seeing, talking to, or even looking at Edward Cullen ever again."

Bella opened her mouth in heated protest, but her father cut her off. "I don't want to hear it. This is just too much."

She ground her teeth together.

"Same goes for you, Edward. No more seeing Bella Swan. I don't want to hear about you talking or being with her again. If this ever happens for a second time, I honestly don't know what I'll do. Losing you, not hearing from you in so long, then finding you on the grass by a enormous lake with a girl in your arms is not something I ever want to repeat," Esme said sternly.

Chief Swan took a deep breath. "Say your goodbyes. Esme and I have to make a few calls." And with that, he and my mother stalked off to stab the numbers on their cell phones.

I turned to Bella. "I'm sorry," I breathed.

"Don't be." She laughed shakily. "That was the most amazing night of my life."

I could see tear marks streaking down her pale cheeks. I brushed them away softly with my lips.

"Shhh," I said softly. "Don't cry. It's all going to be okay. We'll be the twenty-first century _Romeo and Juliet._" I forced a smile for her benefit, but inside I was falling to pieces.

Bella closed her eyes. "I love you," she whispered, resting her head on my chest. I laid my cheek on the top of her crown, and secured my arms around her. I wondered if she could hear my heart thudding loudly as I replayed her words in my mind. Those three little words made my heart react hyperactively; it was a foreign feeling, alien. It's like it was trying to leap out of my rib cage and go straight to her.

"I love you. Forever and Always," I swore.

She turned her head and kissed my collarbone. I used my fingers to ease her face back up to mine. I needed to see her face.

"How could he do this to us!" Bella exclaimed suddenly, loudly but not so loud that the adults could hear. I shushed her, and she flushed. "How could he?" she demanded again in a whisper.

"I know," I placated tenderly, trying to keep my expression smooth and not let the agony show in my eyes. Staying away from Bella? Now? Impossible. "I know." I closed my eyes so she could not read my face.

"How could he?" Bella asked weakly, burying her face in my shoulder. "We belong together."

"I know," I sighed, fighting back the truth. I could not bear looking back at these last moments. It's not like we got up to anything last night. All clothes stayed on firmly; actually, more got set on. We put on extra coats because of the inevitable, biting wind.

Esme and Chief Swan called for us in the distance.

"This is it."

More tears welled up in Bella's eyes. I frowned. The angel should not be crying.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward."

And then I kissed her as passionately as I could, trying to communicate to her that I would never disregard her.

"Forever and always."

"Goodbye, Edward."

"I love you, Isabella Swan," I said again, brushing my fingertips down her face from her cheekbone to her jawline. And then I began backing away slowly, agonized. "Please, don't forget me."

And then I turned my back on my life.

* * *

**A/N: Hey. Let me tell you about my week. Yeah?**

**Okay.**

**Monday: No school. Read fanfics all day.**

**Tuesday: No school. Went to my friend's house, watched "Stick It" and feasted off popcorn and leftover Halloween candy. Then I had dance team. And after that, I got Taylor Swift's new CD.**

**Wednesday Morning: Got myelf grounded from the computer until Monday. **

**Wednesday night: Homework, Pointe, and Ballet. Wrote this chapter that night because I was bored.**

**Thursday: School, homework, and wrote some more. Oh yeah, and I had a dodgeball game (my team lost), then tap class. Grounded.**

**Friday: I forgot what I did Friday. I think I went out to eat at Applebee's and came back home, did some math, and wrote more. Grounded.**

**Saturday: I slept in, threw a pillow at my little brother, and did whatever people do when they're grounded. I was about to ice skating... but that didn't work out. So I'm pretty positive that I wrote all day. Then that night the power went out. I was, of course, reading Twilight again by the light of my ipod (I was supposed to be asleep), I read more and texted until the power came back on. I was foolishly freaked out.**

**Sunday: I went to church, then to Sears, then to Hot Topic to get a Twilight poster for my friend that I love, so I decided to get her one. And then I finished the chapter, then I posted it here. Whoopee. **

**I know, cool week. And I know, you're like: "why the crap am I reading this." But yeah. Just explaining that I was grounded. The long way. **

**REVIEW, PLEASE!**

**Song: Hey Stephen, Taylor Swift**


	13. Book Two

**BOOK TWO**

xiiluvyuhhx

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Summary: Charlie and Esme find Bella and Edward asleep in one another's arms on the dock. They ban them from ever seeing each other again, and Bella and Edward continue to shamble through their classes in senior year brokenhearted; they both attend different colleges for two years. What happens when they meet again, as juniors at Washington State University? Bella is no longer the clumsy, uncoordinated girl she used to be. Now she's beautiful, graceful, and captain of the dance team; Insane of Mind is a figment lost in the back of her mind. When Edward moves to WU, he finds Bella perfectly happy with Jacob Black. Is she? Bella may not remember Edward, but he certainly remembers her.

* * *

_Book One-_

_Thanks to:_

_My trusty laptop, Heath._

mskayla_, for sending me my first private message. I was so super excited. It was amazing._

twilight-is-lovee_, for my first review. Yeah, I'll love you for life for giving me a chance. And for sticking with me through my awesome speed-of-light updates._

ThePurpleDragonOfAmazingness, _for sending me a review right now about how she cried during the last chapter. That made me squeal out loud._

Bronzehairedgirl620_, I know you're probably not reading this, but, yeah, thanks. We have the best taste of music on the face of the planet. Thanks for introducing me to tons of new bands/singers. I'm pretty positive we discussed how excited I was. I owe you my life - but you'll have to wait unitl I'm not using it first. OHMYGOD you just reviewed me. That never happens. Whoa. Big day. (: Oh, by the way, you saved me in Social Studies by telling me that Annapolis was the Naval base. Just to let you know._

BubblyAmericanWriter1_, you crack me up. I'm usually banging my fist on the table with mirth by the time I'm done with more than half of our messages. You're so sweet, and hilarious! Can't wait until we start our story! And thanks so super much for Beta'ing (is that how you write it?) my stories! _

ThisIsMyDisguise, _if The Best Thing is your third favorite song, what's your first and second?_

greenbuttonsx, _finally, someone who shares my love for Taylor Swift music. _

_To my dog, _Murphie_, for being so annyoing, and my cat, Bella (no pun intended, her full name is Bellatrix), for meowing at me when I had no inspriation._

_Thanks to_ Taylor Swift_, for producing three amazing albums that I listen to over and over. And_ Relient K_, and_ Paramore_. You rock._

_Thank you _God_, for being amazing, and saving my life. _Jesus_, I'm sorry for taking your name in vain so much. I love you._

_Wow, I feel like I've won a CMT award or something. OMG I could be like Carrie Underwood! I'll improvise: "Thank you so much. We've all worked so hard this year... touring and recording albums..."_

_Thanks to_ Abby, Catherine, Jacqueline, Bailey, Menley, Hanah, Regan, Allison, Kimberly, Harukah, Katie, Crystan, Lacey, Madison_, _Pooja, John Michael_ and_ everyone_ else at school for supporting me. And everyone who knew about my obsession with Twilight/Fanfiction, thanks for keeping it a secret._

_And humungo thanks to all the readers. I mean, I know my story isn't all that popular, but thanks for sending me reviews that make my stomach flip excitedly every time it shows up on my email. I mean, yeah._

_By the way, the story isn't over yet. There's still a whole book left. So, patience grasshopper. I love saying that. But actually, my newest phrase is exclaiming "Eureka!" whenever I find something._

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**Song: Fifteen, Taylor Swift.**

**Just kidding. Now it's more Relient K ("Gibberish")**

**Would it be okay**

**If I took your breath away?**


	14. Forever and Always

**Uh... hey. This is my third chapter in one night. How nifty!**

_

* * *

_

And it rains in your bedroom,

_Everything is wrong._

_It rains when you're here_

_And it rains when you're gone._

'_Cause I was there _

_When you said_

_Forever and Always._

-Forever and Always, Taylor Swift

* * *

**BPOV**

The sound of the crowd's cheering roared into my ears. I smiled brilliantly – I loved football games. I didn't really see how much fun they could be when I was seventeen and watching them on TV with Charlie.

The sun beat violently down on all of us: the spectators (also known as the crazed football fans), the dancers, the cheerleaders, the football players, and all the other people present. I stood on the sidelines of the field and circled around myself, beaming to the energetic crowd.

"Gooooooo, Lions, go!" the crowd bellowed. A group of sophomores had painted their chests to each have a letter on them: L, I, O, N, and S. They showed up then on the big screen that usually showed replays and scores. Half of each of their faces was painted scarlet, while the other half was silver. Washington University Lions was playing against the Portland State Jaguars, the biggest rivalry to the team. The exhilaration and anticipation of this game was tangible, I could feel the pride swell in my heart for my team. My smile grew.

I looked to where the cheerleaders were stationed, next to us. I grinned at Rosalie and Alice as Jesslyn walked to my side. They waved back to us. Jesslyn bent down and reached to her toes to stretch.

"So, is this game going to change your mind about your answer to a certain someone?" she asked me, smirking.

I stuck out my chin stubbornly. "I don't know what you're talking about." I went into a lunge to warm up my muscles, straightening my back leg to get full extension.

Jesslyn laughed. "Oh, come on. You know Jacob Black has been after you for two years. He's finally asked you out, and you're still as hardheaded as ever! You know he's at the top of the Most Wanted list."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't know, Jess," I sighed. "We've just been friends for so long, and I don't want to ruin it…" I trailed off, thinking of a haunting dream that never failed to keep me from sleep at night. Every time I thought of the reverie, my heart pained me, as if someone had just stuck a knife or a needle through it, injecting hot emotion into my veins. It was just a dream, a dream in which I was searching for someone, but going no where. Just running in senseless circles, with only a picture of shocking emerald eyes to work with.

I sighed again, and at the same time Jesslyn straightened from her stretch to fall into a lunge beside me.

"Say yes," she commanded.

I smiled. "Aye, aye, Captain," I teased.

"Hey!" Jesslyn objected. "That's not fair. There's nothing I can say for a co-captain."

I laughed and did some more casual stretches. I was on the dance team (co-captain, to be exact), a junior in college, majoring in English Literature, and I thought life couldn't get any better. I shared a lavish apartment (yes, apartment, not dorm) with my best friend in the whole world, Alice Cullen, and in the floor above us was my other two best friends, Jesslyn Martin and Rosalie Hale. I was lithe, even graceful now. Clumsy little high schooler no more.

But all the time, something irritated me. Like some kind of apparition that preoccupied my mind, incessantly, an annoying phantom that always stole my thoughts. I knew nothing about the manifestation, only that its startling bright green irises troubled my attention – the same someone I kept restlessly searching for in my dreams, I was sure. Something in a corner of my mind kept telling me to _stop_ seeking this person. It kept telling me that he was insane, or else that he was dangerous, mysterious, precarious, whichever. But every time the thought of ending my search crossed my mind, my heart would start flying around in my chest, wired.

"Okay, let's line up," Jesslyn called to the rest of the dancers. "Jacob's coming down to make the honorary Captain pep speech."

The crowd went crazy as Jacob Black, captain of the football team, made his way up the podium. He got himself settled at the microphone, caught my eye, and winked. I blushed.

Jesslyn noticed. She elbowed me in the ribs and whispered over Jacob's introduction of the players, raising her perfect eyebrows. Her stormy eyes searched mine, and I looked away.

"…And now I'll turn this over to Barrett Marley, co-captain." Jacob stepped down from the platform and made way for a tall, dark-haired, muscular boy to take his place.

Jesslyn spoke over Barrett's pre-game cussing. "See? Look at those girls," she said, taking my shoulder, spinning me around, and pointing surreptitiously to a group of girls drooling, swooning, and squealing. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

I turned my attention back to Barrett, cheering. The genuine smile from the vociferous atmosphere reappeared on my face, and I couldn't even hear Barrett's swears, as the crowd was yelling too loud to hear him even over the thunderous sound system. I was glad, as I knew there were parents and children present.

Soon, the players were getting ready for line-up.

"Let's go, Lions, let's go!" the audience hollered repeatedly. To my right, I saw Alice do a perfect toe-touch, and Rosalie did a back flip. She shook her poms and yelled, "We're number one! Let's go, Lions!"

I laughed quietly to myself, moved to my correct spot in the sideline formation, and cheered on my team.

**EPOV**

I decided to meet Jasper at the Washington-Portland State game. We were there supporting Emmett McCarthy – or at least, I was. I was pretty positive that Jasper was only watching my sister, Alice, perform pikes, lifts, and toe-touches.

I was uncomfortable. I mean, it wasn't like I was not used to college football games, because I was. But I didn't attend Washington University, yet here I was, sitting in the student section. I could feel the student's eyes on me as I jumped to my feet, punching my fist in the air, urging the team that was clad in scarlet red to the in-zone.

The half-time buzzer resounded through the stadium, and the majority of the stadium decked in red and gray all rose to their feet in a massive wave. The roar rang through my ears, bring a smile to my face. The score was 37-13, with Washington in the lead. I went to University of Oregon, and Portland State was one of our rivals as well, so I was pretty excited about Washington's lead. It helped with the whole school spirit thing if the sister I hadn't seen much in two years and best friends that I hardly ever get to talk to in person went there.

A cluster of senior boys with their shirts off and silver-painted chests ran swiftly across the field after the football team trooped out, whooping and clutching soaring flags with the Washington symbol on them. The cheerleaders then did their dance, and I could pick out Alice, the shortest one on the squad. I also spotted a lean blond girl that looked very, very familiar, but I could not place how I knew her. She reminded me of a girl named Rosalie I was once friends with.

After the cheerleaders finished their routine, the dance team waltzed out to the middle of the field.

And that's when I saw her.

The way I remembered Bella Swan was a clumsy, graceless girl with high, disproportionate cheekbones, yet still attractive. _This_ girl, however, was almost the complete opposite, though I was sure it was the same Bella I'd known a few years ago, the one girl I'd given my all to. This Bella was graceful, almost floating to her spot in the center of the field. Her figure was slender and willowy, and I could see her deep, chocolate brown eyes glistening from my spot in the stands. Her gleaming mahogany hair was pulled back into an elegant bun, and she was wearing sleek black jazz pants and an iridescent crimson tank top. She struck her beginning pose fluidly, perfectly. Her smile seemed to light up the whole arena.

And then the music started. I watched Bella agilely execute her dance, completing numerous turns and sharply hitting her arms up in the air at exactly the right time.

She was perfect.

But I lost her.

And she probably forgot all about me.

I mumbled something about having to get more water to Jasper, and scurried to my Volvo to drive away the freezing, bitter pain.

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**A/N: BLAH!**

**well, it's a start. It's kinda poopy. Oh, poodles. Well, I'll be posting the next chapter tomorrow, then you'll have to wait until the weekend. OMC. It's 7:33. Well, it's super dark outside.**

**Only five days until the movie! I'm. So. Super. Duper. Freaking. Excited. I'm. About. To. Pee. On. Myself. But. That's. Because. I've. Had. Six. Mountain. Dews. Tonight. And. Has. Nothing. To. Do. With. How. Hot. Robert. Pattinson. Is.**

**Okay. Review pretty please!**

**Song: Tell Me Why, Taylor Swift**


	15. The Way I Loved You

**Inside History classroom: OHMYGOD!**

**Us: ...**

**Carly: (runs out of room) Must get paper towels, paper towels...! (dashes to bathroom, preoccupied)**

**Us: ...**

**John Michael: Hah. She _would_ spill Coke all over the floor.**

**Us: ... (returns to working)**

**You: ...**

**Me: Um. More Taylor Swift music! Yay!**

**P.S.-I'm currently eating/slurping a milkshake from Dairy Queen. And listening to Relient K. You see, I've always loved Relient K, and I pretty much listen to them every day since about the fifth grade. So, yeah. Then on the bus Ty kept playing "So What!" by Pink OVER AND OVER AND OVER (most of the time, we didn't go past the first chorus before he would go: "Whoops, gotta start over.") and so now I'm planning on deleting the song off my ipod. Rawr!**

_

* * *

But I miss screaming and fighting and_

_Kissing in the rain,_

_And it's 2AM and _

_I'm cursing your name,_

_So in love that you act insane_

_And that's the way I loved you._

_Breaking down and coming undone,_

_It's a roller-coaster kind of rush._

_And I never knew I could feel that much,_

_And that'd the way I loved you._

-The Way I Loved You, Taylor Swift

* * *

**EPOV**

I didn't drive back to campus. I drove past everything so fast that the objects blurred into a whirlwind of colors. I went straight back to Forks, Washington – a place that I'd gladly fled two years previously.

My home looked exactly the same as it had my whole life. The spacious white mansion with a deck that wrapped around the exterior sat staring at me with (what I imagined) a disapproving air, as if saying, "_Now_ you come home."

As I clambered out of my car, I could still hear the Sol Duc River that flowed through the Olympic Mountain range, a sound that automatically calmed me. The same flowers and bushes that Esme had planted when I was eight were still rooted into the ground in the same places they were a few years ago.

It had only been two years since I'd been here, but everything felt so different to me now, foreign.

For freshman and sophomore year of college, I had made my family meet me somewhere near the border for holidays – I did not want to return to Forks, the tiny town that contained the biggest heartbreak anyone had ever known.

So many memories floated in my brain, the same ones I had tried to block in the beginning, after Chief Swan and my mother had banished Bella and I from seeing each other. A few weeks after futilely attempting to hinder the recollections, I decided that only time would mend my heart as much as possible. Bella and I followed our instructions benevolently, not ever speaking to each other, or even looking at each other. We avoided eye contact each time we passed in the halls or in the cafeteria, but a lot of times during class I caught myself staring at her, mesmerized by her beauty. Of course, Esme could not stop me from dreaming about her… For months, Bella was the only thought that ever consumed my mind; just a masochistic hallucination that teased me each time I tried to shut her out.

Well, there was that one night – I had visited Bella at her house, climbing up the tree in her front yard and jumping through her window at about two o'clock in the morning.

That was the beginning of senior year, and we never talked after that. It was our official goodbye, but it finished on a bad note. We ended up yelling at each other in whispers, and I left through the window listening to the sound of Bella's tears as my heart longed to go and comfort her.

With a sigh, I opened the front door to my house and walked to the living room.

"Edward!" Carlisle exclaimed in surprise when he saw me.

"Hey, Dad," I said, smiling slightly.

Esme rushed into the room, donned in a pale yellow cooking apron. "Edward?" she gasped.

"Hi, Mom."

She rushed forward to envelop me into an awkward hug.

"Why are you home? I thought we weren't scheduled to see you until November…" Esme fluttered.

Her words sent an upsurge of guilt though me. Who _was _I? To _schedule_ times when my family could meet me. Was I really so sunk down in misery after the whole affiliation with Bella that I could not even visit the ones I loved because they reminded me of her?

"Oh, erm," I said, heading to the stairs. "I just thought it was time to see home again. You know, a new atmosphere and all that." And then I fled to my room before my parents could say anything.

I had a strong sense of déjà vu as I lay on my bed (my room hadn't changed much since I'd been gone), with my door locked. Once again, a new Linkin Park CD was throbbing throughout the room, messing with my heartbeats. And, like I had many times before, I was staring blankly at the ceiling with my thoughts consumed with memories of Isabella Swan.

I closed my eyes and let her face fill my thoughts. If I thought she was beautiful in high school, it was nothing compared to how she was now. Even in the chaos of a football game, and from up in the crowd, I could see that she was far past beautiful, she was gorgeous, stunning. I wondered if she remembered me.

I pushed that thought away fiercely. She _had _to remember.

I heaved a sigh and lumbered off the bed. I trudged to my desk and rummaged around for a bit, occasionally slicing my finger on random pieces of paper and mumbling my choicest swear words under my breath.

I delved through the drawers until my fingers wrapped around a sleek, boxy something. I pulled it out to examine it, hoping it was what I was looking for.

It was.

I warily opened the thin black binder and gazed at all our letters. In one pocket was the picture Bella had drawn a long time ago, the summer of junior year, soon to be seniors. It still stunned my mind how Bella used to think of her art as dire. I wondered vaguely if she had continued to strengthen her artistic skills throughout her college years. I made a mental note to call and ask Alice, whom I assumed was still close to her.

I barked a laugh as I remembered how Bella had given herself the name "Quite Clumsy." It seemed humorous how much she fluctuated from that now.

I held the binder gingerly in my hands as I walked slowly to sit on the large black couch. One letter in particular caught my eye.

"_Aren't you supposed to, I don't know, feel it if you've got "The One"? What I want, is someone who could hold me when I'm sad and always make my tears stop. What I want, is someone who could calm me down merely by placing a hand on my shoulder. Someone who can make all my fears disappear with just one glance. Someone I can say "I love you" to, and really mean it. Someone who will love me for who I am, not for who they want to change me to be. Where am I supposed to find someone like that?"_

I laughed hollowly after I was through reading it. Bella was describing her perfect love life. I dimly remembered Emmett making fun of me for keeping it, but at the moment I didn't care. I was thinking about how I could be every one of the things Bella had listed, how I _had_ been every one of the things Bella had listed. I may not have been her love at the time in which she wrote the letter, but I was her best friend then. Then once we discovered our feelings for each other, I had been there to comfort her when she was sad, or hold her when she felt alone. And then I groaned, remembering the current predicament. I couldn't just go and talk to Bella, especially after we hadn't spoken or anything in about three years.

I threw the binder across the room, watching with a kind of sick pride as the papers came loose from the clips and scattered across the floor. Then I flipped over on the couch and onto my stomach, burying my face in the cushions and screaming as loud as I could.

**BPOV**

Rosalie's red convertible flooded with life as we drove back from the after-party at Emmett's house, celebrating a Washington University win. Jesslyn and Rose were sitting in the front, wriggling around in their seats as they rocked out to some song on the radio, while Alice and I were throwing our hands up into the air (the top was down) and yelling at the top of our voices in the back.

"Whoo!" Jesslyn was shouting. "After-after-party at our place! Right, Rose?"

"Right!" Rosalie hollered back, grinning.

I laughed freely, enjoying the moment.

By the time we pulled into the apartment parking lot, we were a little bit more subdued. A little bit. At least we weren't drunk. Well, at least, I wasn't. I was pretty positive that Alice was, though.

"NOW I'M A FAT HOUSE CAT…" she was screeching.

"Um, Alice, I'm not sure that those are the right words…" Jesslyn began. Alice's shrieking made any more words impossible, though.

"…HAVE I FOUND YOU? FLIGHTLESS BIRD…"

She wasn't making any sense to me, so I tuned her out and slid out of the car, leading the way to Rose and Jesslyn's apartment.

I opened the door and stepped into their main room. It was a maroon color, similar to the school colors, with a copious white couch that sat in front of a spacious fireplace. On the mantle were pictures of Jesslyn and her brother, Hunter, of Emmett and Rosalie, some of me and Alice, and some of other students that were seniors. Above the hearth was a large plasma-screen TV that had a football game playing on it when I walked in.

I waltzed into the kitchen then, thinking about my other two best friends. Rosalie and Jesslyn were, of course, exactly the same, but completely different. They were both absolutely beautiful, and they both were considerate, kind, friendly, and outgoing, but their personalities could not be any more different.

After grabbing a soda from the fridge, I sauntered into Rosalie's room. It was a serene green color, and almost the whole east wall was obscured with more glossy photographs. Another wall was plastered with posters of movies, actors, and various pop singers she enjoyed. Rosalie had a monstrous dresser that held all her clothes, a massive closet to store her shoes, coats, and dresses that rivaled to Alice-extreme, and a desk that held her make-up mirror and scary-looking eyelash curlers and straightening irons. Her colossal, navy blue bed sat in the corner of the room, next to the window.

Next I wandered over to Jesslyn's room, and as I did so, I could hear Rose and Jess helping Alice into the room.

"No, Rosalie, I do _not_ want your cactus," Alice was saying. At least, that's what I thought, because her words slurred too much to make any sense of them. Not that she made any sense when she was sober.

Jesslyn's room was a golden yellow, almost glowing orange color. The northern wall was adorned with posters of Kenny Chesney, Taylor Swift, Sugarland, Carrie Underwood, Tim McGraw, Kellie Pickler, and other assorted country singers.

"NO, I'M NOT IN A PICKLE, JESS!" Alice shrieked loudly from the next room. I shook my head and examined the eastern wall. It had placards of different books and book-covers. A single wooden dresser contained all of her jeans and t-shirts, while her small closet contained her many sundresses, cowboy boots, and hats. A high, solid purple bed that had the sheets falling precariously off the edge was positioned against a wall, and more boots were shoved underneath it.

I was still in her room when Jesslyn walked in backwards and smacked into me. She squealed in surprise and we jumped away from each other, laughing breathlessly.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were in here," Jesslyn said. "I need something to smack Alice with… got anything we could use?"

I shook my head, keeping my expression solemn.

"Dang," Jesslyn sighed. Then she spotted one of the boots pushed under the bed, and went to grab one. "Good," she cheered, picking up a golden boot with a dark blue design on the side. "I outgrew these a year ago."

"Um. You're not planning to ever do anything with those again, are you? Because they're cute, and I'm pretty sure you don't want blood on them."

Jess grinned. "Don't worry, I'll be sure to clean up my mess."

My lips twitched, but I fought to keep my face formal. I followed Jesslyn back into the main room, where Alice was lying on the floor and Rosalie was lounging on the couch, her eyes trained on the TV.

Rosalie looked our way, smirking, and she rose from the couch to stroll into the kitchen, saying, "I'm getting popcorn. Want any, Bella?"

I chuckled softly, shaking my head. Rose shrugged and went to fetch a bowl.

Alice lolled on her stomach on the rug, occasionally making bizarre sounds or hiccuping, causing her body to shake. Jesslyn crept up to Alice's heaped form and raised the boot.

"Jesslyn," I whispered, biting my lip to keep from busting out laughing. "She's my best friend and I really care about her… so just to make sure, do you have insurance? Because I'm certain she'll kill you once she's abstemious."

Jesslyn made a choking sound in the back of her throat to refrain from laughing, and at the same time Rosalie rounded the corner with a large blue bowl, tossing popcorn into her mouth. Jesslyn then lowered the boot to strike Alice's backside; she yelped and started blaring numerous profanities.

Jess, Rose, and I began rolling around on the ground with mirth, and Alice resumed her sprawl on the floor.

"Ha, that was good," said Rosalie, flippant. "But I don't see the point. How was hitting Alice supposed to help her intoxication?"

"Oh, there wasn't a point, really," Jess replied, turning towards her room to put up the boot. "That was just justice for all the space her and Jasper take up when they're making out. It's disgusting." She made a face.

I laughed, flopping down onto a navy couch, and Rosalie focused on the football game again. "Go, Bama, go!" she yelled.

"Oh, my God!" Jesslyn yelled, running to the couch and flipping over the side so she was sitting on it. "Is this the Alabama-LSU game?"

"Yeah! Third quarter, and Bama's in the lead."

I tuned out. I suddenly felt very, very tired. Maybe it was just the excitement of the day catching up with me. I could hear Alice's tedious snores from somewhere near the coffee table, and I concentrated on those and lulled myself to sleep.

I was troubled by the delusion of green eyes once again as I dozed off on the stiff chair.

* * *

**A/N: as you know, I've been grounded for the past few days. So, this was the result of my boredom. Nothing. So, basically, here I was descriing to you my bedroom (Jesslyn's), and making no sense at all. Plus, I was having Alabama/LSU game flashbacks. Football is everything where I live. And God. And deep-fried chicken. Bah!**

**So yeah. This chapter was pointless, because we were doing POEMS that day at school, and I HATE poems. I got in on short story fiction. And somehow, my poetry was okay. So, poetry should die. Grrrrrr.**

**FOUR DAYS UNTIL THE MOVIE! I got really mad at my mom when she said I couldn't go to the midnight release because it was a school night. So I'm having a Twilight party instead, and going to see it Friday at 7:15. Happy, happy!**

**Okay, my day: I went to school. I tripped over the tables in the cafeteria, I failed a test in Science I didn't care about nor did I study for it, I did a cartwheel in the hallway during English, ate my sandwhich at lunch, and daydreamed about some random blue socks during History. In health Catherine got mad at me for having 23 servings of fat on Friday, and then she got even madder for me being so skinny. So. Then I came home to find my dad saying, "I have a milkshake for you!" because my brother was sick so he stayed home with him & apparently got him a milkshake as well. So, yeah. Big day. Exciting. OH Yeah! I forgot to tell you I drew a stick figure of a lion today. I called him Edward Number 274. It's a masochistic lion (gasp!). FEARMYLIONRAWR.**

**And I know you totally read all of that.**

**Okay, (enter REVIEWING remark here).**

**Song-Hysteria, Muse**


	16. Um Random Stuff?

**Okay. So this is just an author's note until I can get a new chapter out (which will hopefully be tomorrow/Sunday). It's just drabble about my week and some Twilight stuff. Blah!**

Monday: 1/26/09: School. Calsses were short because we had a pep rally! We (the dance team) performed our jazz dance, and cheered on our basketball teams. Then Bailey and Olivia [of the basketball team] were tied together by the leg with a string and had to dribble a balloon to the end of the court to shoot a basket as "entertainment." Middle school pep rallies are _nothing_ compared to the high school rallies... it's so not fair! I want to be in high school! Then dance team practice, then performing at the basketball game, then home for an hour, then back to studio dance.

Tuesday: 1/27/09: School, dance team practice, dance team practice at the studio. Sleepiest day of my life, thanks to Flood (which was AMAZING.)

Wednesday: 1/28/09: School. We had a HUGE test in History about the Romans [that no one studied for] and then, in Lit, we read, like, ten short stories that were perfect for catching up on sleep. No dance team practice. Walked with Lindsey to the bus and talked to Michael the whole bus ride!

Thursday: 1/29/09: School, dance team practice. We went to the computer lab in English and typed up our rough drafts. MLA is the gayest thing I've ever heard in my life. During P.E, we danced, rated Anna Claire's switch leaps, helped Lacey with her turns in second, and watched our fellow classmates do retarted things through the window in the door. It made us very happy that we didn't have to do it. Then Mason, Ryan, and I made fun of Bailey because she had this random balloon in her lunchbox...? It was kind of perverted, so I won't go into it.

Friday: 1/30/09: School, no dance team practice. I gave Rebekah my Kristian Stanfill CD to borrow for her ipod today. Watch her not give it back. There was a quiz that no one studied for in History on the Romans, we worked on our rough drafts some more in English, and had a test in Lit. Lacey, who is one of the two captains on the dance team, made us do all the gay things in Gym today. I wanted to slit her throat and dance in her blood. We were supposed to have silent lunch during lunch today, but my class is so bad that we just yelled and laughed as loud as we do every other day. Walked with Lindsey, Allison, and Rebekah to the bus. While we were out there, we literally ran into Lacey and Sarah. But they were deep in discussionand didn't comment. I talked to Pooja, Hanah, Blake, Kasey, and Michael on the bus(:

* * *

**TWILIGHT HUMOR!** _(I don't know if you'll find these as funny as I do. I saw Twilight Friday, November 21.)_

--

At lunch: *background info: they're making fun of my obsession. Hayden is, like, deathly allergic to milk. It's hilarious, because the lunchladies have to make him special non-dairy foods.*

Ryan: Say it. Say it out loud!

Hayden: No.

Ryan: Say it!

Hayden: ...Milk.

--

At the movie: *background info: Robert/Edward is moving something; the camera focuses on his arms*

Menley: OHMYGOD, it's Edward's arms! Eeeek!

--

At movie: *background info: Amanda and I are squealing the loudest in the room. This is not the first time we've disrupted the other people.*

Edward: "There's something I want to try..."

Amanda and I: EEEEEKKKK! *squeals/swoons*

Random girl up front: OH, MY GOD, SHUT UP!

--

At my house before the movie: *background info: Amanda and I are discussing the sweetest page of Eclipse. No, we do not need books to get the quotes perfectly.*

Me: Page 460. Most definately.

Amanda: No, I think page 340 is the best.

Me: Nope. *cue quoting* "Isabella Swan. I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

Amanda: Yeah, but I want Jacob to die. *we quote in unison perfectly; me with a sigh, and she with vigor* "But if you ever bring her back damaged again-and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head-if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs."

Me: You forgot, "Do you understand that, mongrel?"

Amanda: Oh. *she vivaciously gasps the book, and we flicker through, compeletly preoccupied.*

Menley, Sydney, and Harukah: *watching us* Um. W-O-W.

Me: 460!

Amanda: 340.

Me: 460!!

Amanda: 340!!

Harukah: *presses _Easy_ button*

Button: "Well, that was easy."

Me and Amanda: *resume bickering*

--

At the movie:

Edward: "Bella, don't you see? I'm a killer!"

Menley: Yes, but you're _my_ killer!

--

At the movie: *background info: Jackson/Jasper is, like, super-rigid*

Sydney: (whispering) OMG he's not blinking.

Me: (squealing quietly to myself)

Sydney: (loudly) Oh, my God, Jasper isn't blinking!

Everyone Else: OMG!

Sydney: ...*sigh*

--

At before-party: *background info: It's an awkward silence. Sydney has a certain song she plays during silences like these.*

Us: ...*quiet. Awkward.*

Sydney: *She pulls out her phone.*

Phone: MEET GEORGE JETSON! JANE, HIS WIFE! ...... (continues)

--

At the movie: *background info: you know how in the previous chapter, I had Alice go, "Now I'm a fat house cat"? ... Yeah. Well, that's what _I _really think the words are (Flightless Bird, American Mouth. AKA-the song Edward&Bella danced to during the prom scene in the movie).*

Edward and Bella: *dancing on the screen outside...*

Amanda and Menley: AWWWWW!

Me: *swooning and singing at the same time*

Screen: *playing Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine.*

Me: Now I'm a FAT HOUSE CAT!

Sydney: *hits me on the side of my head* Claire, no. Just shut up.

--

About a week before the movie: *background info: Alex wants to know how to get a girlfriend. He asks Bailey and I.*

Alex: UGH! I don't know how do ask her out!

Bailey and I: *...discussing Twilight, as usual...*

Alex: *to us* Ungh! Help!

Me: ...Just read Twilight. (duh.)

~Three days before the movie~

Alex: I did it! I told her that "she was my life now" and she said yes!!

Me: *cheers* Yay!

Bailey: Um. Anything else?

Alex: Um. Yeah! I told her: "Before you, my life was a starless sky. Then you came into my life and shot across my sky like a meteor..." and then she kissed me!

Bailey: *now SHE cheers*

Me: What, and you didn't get in trouble for PDA (public display of affection)?

Alex: Um, no? Should I have?

Bailey and I: *sigh...* *resumes talking about how hot Robert Pattinson is*

--

Tuesday: *In Science. Everyone knows how obsessed I am at school....*

Stephen: Claire, I'm anti-Twilight.

Me: *I chuck my pencil at him. It whizzes right past his face and lands on the other side of the classroom.* *I get up and make to get it.*

Mr. Walker: Claire, where are you going?

Me: To get my pencil. *I point at it.*

Mr. Walker: How'd it get over there?

Me: Um. I thought I could make it easier to go to the pencil sharpener...?

Mr. Walker: The pencil sharpener is over there... *other side of classroom* It looks to me that you had a fit and threw it.

Katie: Does it? Same here... (she witnessed all of it.)

*Mr. Walker raises his eyebrows*

Hayden: Stephen said he was anti-Twilight. So Claire launced her pencil at his head.

Mr. Walker: *sigh* Just go pick it up and get back to work.

(John Michael and Katie are anti-Twilight!!)

--

Thursday: *At lunch. I don't like people to know how obsessed I am, but Lacey, being Lacey, had to go and blab. And Hayden and Ryan think I'm incredibly stupid, because I'm random. But I can't hep that, I just have too many thoughts.*

Lacey: Claire's read Twilight sixty-four times!!

Hayden: What, like the word?

(Grrrr. Too bad I beat him in the spelling bee! (only at a fine arts school would you find people who actually want to win))

* * *

**Yeah. The rest of this is just babble about funny things that happened this week.**

Thursday- *background info: at lunch before the volleyball game. Auburn University teachers against University of Alabama teachers play at the game. Mr. Croom and Mr. Walker are both for Auburn. Mr. Croom's sweatshirt is grey and says 'AU' on it. Mr. Walker's is neon orange with the words 'Auburn University, since 1967' in navy blue.*

Hayden: Look at Mr. Croom. He looks so manly. *we all look* And now look at Mr. Walker.

Us: ...

Hayden: He looks like a fruit cake.

Lacey: And look at Mr. Croom drink his water. *we watch* And Mr. Walker's over there drinking his drink all dainty and stuff.

Hayden: Let's not forget to stick out our pinky! *he tries drinking his water with his pinky up. The water pours out of the cup and all over his shirt* CRAP!

--

Tuesday: *background info: at lunch. Stephen is making bizarre motions with his hands. And Ryan is the only black guy, so he makes fun of himself.*

Hayden: ...Stephen, what is that? It's like, screaming in sign language.

Lacey: *bangs fist on table in mirth* *banging upsets Stephen's drink. It inches off the table and onto the floor.*

Stephen: Oh, my gosh, Lacey, you idiot! *scurries to get paper towel.*

Lacey: *bangs fist on table so hard she falls off her chair and directly into the puddle of water on the floor*

Us: HAHAHA!

Ryan: ....Yeah, that's right, laugh at the black kid.

Us: ... Haha, Lacey!

Lacey: Ohmigosh my butt is SOAKED!

Us: HAHAHAHA!

Ryan: *annoyed huff*

--

Monday: *background info: In English. Ty is whispering around the teacher while she's lecturing.*

Ty: Pssst. Claire.

Me: *I ignore him.*

Ty: ...Ccccllllaaaaiiiiirrrreeee.....

Me: *doodles idly on notebook paper...*

Ty: *whisper-yelling* Claire, are you deaf?!

Me: *sigh* *I look at him* What?

Ty: Hey. *he waves.*

Me: *rolls eyes and returns attention to teacher.*

Ty: Claire!

Me: *Ingores.*

Ty: Claire! Look at me...!

Me: *I sigh and look at him, biting my lip.*

Ty: Hey. *he waves again.*

Me: *Looks back at paper. I'm wishing him to go away...*

Ty: Claire! Hey! *he waves vigoriously*

Me: *sigh* Hey, Ty. *looks away.*

Ty: Claire!

Me: *annoyed. Whisper-yelling.* WHAT?

Ty: Wave back! *he keeps waving*

Me: Um. Why?

Ty: *shrugs.* *keeps waving.*

Me: *I don't wave back. I listen to the teacher.*

Ty: *throws paper ball at me*

Me: *whispering loudly* Holy crow! Ty, you moron! *I glance swiftly at the teacher.*

Ty: Well, wave back, dunderhead!

Me: *I chuck my doodle-drawing at him* *I wave.*

~Later on the bus~

Ty: Claire, what's Edward Number 274...?

Me: Erm...

Sydney: ...*sings* Meet George Jetson!!

--

Friday: *background info: In science. I'm making random faces with my hands - index finger and pinky up, with the other two fingers meeting my thumb, like a rock sign.*

Me: Happy llama ...*moves hand*... sad llama... confused llama...*yelling in deep voice*... ANGRY LLAMA! GRAWAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Mr. Walker: Uhh, Claire? Back to earth.

Me: *blush*

--

Monday: *background info: English. Hayden doesn't know how to spell 'whiney'. Mills explains.*

Hayden: ...Uh. *scratches head.* How do you spell "whiney?"

Mills: Um, I dunno. Try W-H-I-N-E-Y.

*Lacey walks by with a stack of papers*

Hayden: Kind of like "whinny?"

Lacey: Oh, poo! *drops papers*

(Haha, geddit? Winnie the Pooh...)

--

Tuesday: *background info: in Typing. We're on computers, and we were supposed to be doing something on Excel, but we're on Paint instead (and we aren't supposed to be).*

Anne: *on Paint* No, Jamie, change it to GREEN.

*Mrs. Graham walks by.*

Jamie: *in charge of computer* *opens Calculator program* ....Yes, Anne, that is why 63 times 82 is 101....

(63 times 82 is 101?!)

--

Monday: *background info: at lunch. Lacey just got up off the ground (she fell off her chair again, squashing her head on a brick pole) and went to throw her lunch away. Hayden has a little aluminum ball in his hand.*

Hayden: *tosses the ball from his left ahnd to his right hand* I really want to throw this at someone.

Stephen: Then throw it.

Hayden: I can't, my aim sucks! *delierates for a moment* Ahh! Bailey, throw this at John Michael.

*he tosses it to Bailey conspiratorially. She catches it flawlessly.*

Bailey: Okay. *calls* HEY, JOHN MICHAEL!

Stephen: Way to keep it on the down-low, Bailey.

--

Tuesday: *background info: in Writing. Emma and Katie are discussing two other people at our school's relationship.*

Emma: I bet they have nicknames.

Katie: Shnkooms.

Emma: Apple Dumpling.

Katie: Cheese Pie.

(cheese pie?!)

--

Monday: *background info: before school started. It's, like, negative four degrees outside, and cloudy. Yeah, keep in mind that Robert Pattinson always wears these certain sunglasses...*

*Menley shows up to school in dark sunglasses*

Me: Uhm, Menley? What the hell are you doing?

Menley: I'm wearing Trademark Robert Pattinson sunglasses.

Me: Oh, really?

Menley: Really.

Me: Er, then why do your sunglasses have a Coco Chanel symbol on the side in rhimestones?

*Menley takes off the glasses and examines them*

Menley: *sighs* Damn.

--

Wednesday: *background info: in the car, on the way back from the Rockettes. It's all quiet, and it's about eleven o'clock at night. I have my ipod.*

Car: ...*silence*

Me: *rocking out* INTERGALACTIC PLANETARY, PLANETARY INTERGALACTIC!

*mom turns up the music, annoyed and tired. Next on my ipod is classical music. I'm quiet. Everyone is peaceful and sleepy.* *Except me.*

*Mom turns off music once she thinks I'm tired.* *next on ipod is Disturbia.*

Car: *absolute silence.*

Me: MY MIND'S IN DDDDIIIIISSSSSSTTTTTUUUURRRRRBBBBIIIIAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! *yelling incoherently*

(it was one of those you-had-to-be-there moments.)

--

Monday: *background info: Charlie is cold.*

Charlie: I'm cold.

Me: I'm Claire.

(...)

--

Tuesday: *background info: in Science.*

Me: *I accidentally squirt Germ-X into the electric hole puncher.*

Everyone Else: *Talking randomly...*

Me: *anticipating it's going to blow up. Cue screaming.* Oh my god, I just squirted a liquid into an electric substance! We're all going to explode and die! Eeeek!!!

*I run to my desk and crawl under it. Mr. Walker begins taking roll.*

Mr. Walker: Uhhh, where's Claire?

Hayden and Katie: Under the table.

*Mr. Walker peeps at me. I rise from under the desk sheepishly.*

Mr. Walker: Claire, are you present?

Me: ...Huh?

Stephen: Just say here.

Me: *whispers to Hayden.* Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

--

Thursday: *background info: in English. Our teacher is handing out Twilight/Breaking Dawn stickers. Me, Lacey, Sarah, and Bailey all rush up to her to get one. The rest of the class soon swarms in, and none of them have read the books.*

Ty: I got a "My heart belongs to Edward" sticker.

Ty: .....Who's Edward?

(ahhhh!)

--

Friday: *background info: day after Thanksgiving. I'm reading New Moon for the sixty-third time, and my uncle begins asking me about vampires.*

Dan: So, do vampires turn into bats?

Me: No.

~about a hundred questions later~

Dan: So, do your vampires wear cotton or polyester?

--

Saturday: *background info: I'm watching Annie.*

Dan: I have a question.

Me: *ignore him*

Dan: Do you reckon vampires watch broadways?

(I dunno, do they?)

--

Monday: *background info: In English. There's a Grand-daddy Longleg on the floor. Lacey and Sarah are roaming around the room passing out papers, and Mason is sweeping the classroom randomly with a broom he stole from the cafeteria.*

Mason: Oh, my God a spider!

Lacey: AHH! Spider! Where?!?!

Aliex: Gah, that thing looks like a freakin' Black Widow!

Grand-Daddy Longleg: *continues scurrying across the classroom. *

Lacey: Moron! Kill it!

Sarah: Yeah, someone smoosh it!

*Mason sweeps it up*

Alex: No! You swept away my lover!!

(....)

--

Wednesday: *Emma needs energy.*

Emma: *slurping Hi-C juice boxes*

Me and Lacey: What are you doing?

Emma: I NEED TO STAY AWAKE!! *she looks deranged*

Lacey: Well, Hi-C definately isn't what you drink.

Emma: Caprisun?

Lacey: No.

Emma: Do I need to eat granola bars?

Lacey: No...

Emma: Granola bars _and _Hi-C?

Lacey: No!

Me: *sigh* Lace, I think we need a field trip to Starbucks.

Emma: Do they have Hi-C there?

(snack time!)

--

Monday: *Megan is asking me random questions over the phone.*

Megan: Favorite Song?

Me: Come In With The Rain.

Megan: Okay. *writes* R-A-Y-N-E...

Me: Um. "Rain" is spelled like R-A-I-N...

Megan: Oh. Since when?

*billions of questions later (she couldn't spell John, Swift, eighteen, or my.*

Megan: Favorite book?

Me: _Eclipse._

*she writes, silently this time.*

Me: And if you spell _Eclipse_ with a 'k', I swear I'll eat you.

Megan: Oh, hang on, let me fix that.

Me: ?!?!?!

Megan: And you know, if you eat me, you'll be a cannibalist. And cannibalism is frowned upon by most of society.

(Okay then...)

--

Wednesday: *In English. Lacey fell asleep.*

Teacher: Can someone please wake up Lacey?

Me and Alex: We can!

*we run to her and shake her roughly, screaming in her ear.*

Lacey: *wakes with a start* WHERE'S MY SHIELD?!

*feels around her desk blindly*

Lacey: I GOTTA FIND MY SHIELD!!

--

Tuesday: *In History. We're learning about the Battle of Salamis (sal-a-miss).*

Me: Mr. Dearwent? What's the plural of salami (sa-la-me)?

Dearwent: ...Salami.

Me: So you're sure it's not, like, salam**i **(sa-la-my)? So you don't open the refrigerator and excalim, "_Sacre Bleu_! I have no more salamies!"?

Dearwent: Nope. It's kind of like moose. You don't say, "The meese live in Africa," do you?

Haruka: Mooseseses live in Africa?!

Dearwent: It's moose. No moose live in Africa. They live in, let's say..., Canada.

Me: Like fishies!

Katie: YAY! Fish! Ffffffiiiiiisssssshhhhh......!!!!

--

Thursday: *In English. It's absloute silence (which is VERY rare in my class).*

Lacey: OW!!!

*We all turn to stare at her.*

Lacey: Something hit me!!

Bailey: It was _that_!! *she points*

Lacey: *looks around* What is 'that'?

Bailey: That green crayon!

*Lacey picks it up and stares at all of us.*

Lacey: MASON!!!!

Mason: I didn't throw it!

Lacey: Oh, so the crayon _flew_.

Mason: Exactly!

Lacey: That REALLY hurt! Ow...!

Teacher: Okay, okay, settle down...

~Later at Lunch~

Lacey: OMG Mason, look, you left a bruise!

Ryan: Lacey, that's a vein.

Lacey: No! It's green! See?!

Ryan: No, Lacey, just shut up. That's your vein.

(Ha. I thought that was hilarious.)

--

Wednesday: *At lunch. Bailey and I are trying to alphabetize our M&Ms.*

Ryan: ...What are y'all doing?

Me: Organizing our M&Ms by letter.

Bailey: You're messing up my concentration. Go away.

Ryan: ...Uh, so, you're trying to put your M&Ms in alphabetical order?

Me: Yup.

Ryan: That's not possible....

Me: You're being pessimistic. Be happy. Bailey and I are Epicuraneans. You know, from History, the Greeks who do whatever they want to make themselves happy.

Ryan: But, all the M&Ms start with "M"...

Bailey: Nah-uh! Some start with a "W"!!!

--

Wednesday: *In Writing. Catherine's making a Quote List on a sheet of paper.*

Catherine: Yeah, well, most of the quotes on there are by me, Allison, and Abby saying things like "Claire, shut up," or "Yes, Claire, those are your pants," or "Claire! Dont look! I'm bleeding!"

Me: Well, okay. Pick on the vampire!!

--

Monday: *In Science. Stephen is yaking about how someone posted a Hit List on the internet with his name on it.*

Stephen: Yeah, apparently someone put you on my hit list, John Michael.

Mr. Walker: Um, Stephen? You have a hit list?

Stephen: No! Someone just made one online that said it was by me.

John Michael: Was that what it was called? "Stephen Moorwood's Hit List?"

Stephen: No, it was called "Stephen Moorwood's World Domination Plan."

(Claire Bryman's World Domination Plan is turning everyone into vampires. Well, everyone except Ryan. He can die.)

--

Wednesday: *at Abbys house. We are trying to decide what Lamo means.*

Abby: Lmao... Laughing myself a coma.

Me: Um... I doubt that's what it means.

--

Thursday: *at lunch.*

Bailey: When we grow up and get married, we'll sleep in two different beds, because that's nasty!!

* * *

Now: *background info: you're reading this author's note going, "What the heck?" because it's not funny to you. And you're also going, "oh my God what about Edward! We don't care about you!"*

You: WE HATE YOU, CLAIRE. WE LOVE EDWARD. CONTINUE ON WITH THE EFFING STORY!

Me: EAT SLUGS, MALFOY!!! *blasting sound...*

You:_ Avada Cardvra_!!!! Die, die, die!!

Me: Ahhh! Find a happy place find a happy place!!!

* * *

Guess what?!?!?!

I'm listening to 12-year-old Taylor Swift! Whoo! (Lucky You)

The song for the next chapter is "Everytime It Rains" by Charlotte Martin (I KNOW, IT'S NOT TAYLOR SWIFT! HOW EPIC IS THIS?!).


	17. Everytime It Rains

_Every time it rains, I listen to the sky  
I wonder what's so great about sunshine.  
So everybody lives, and everybody dies  
And no one's gonna love you like I do.  
And when it was getting dark  
I didn't need a match  
I never need a light to see you  
You thought I'd disappear __  
But I was always here._

-Every Time It Rains, Charlotte Martin

* * *

**BPOV**

The clanging of pans and other various cooking utensils pealed through my dreams. I groaned and shifted, intending to return to sleeping, and heard my back crack.

"Ungh," I moaned, fluttering my eyes open.

The rigid loveseat I'd fallen asleep on creaked as I roused. I stretched and blinked, letting memories of yesterday saturate in my mind. I looked around. Alice was still sleeping on her stomach, her cheek squashed against the floor, her arms and legs lolling ubiquitously, and her hair poking in every direction. Rosalie was emerging from the little purple bathroom in a housecoat and a towel wrapped around her head, and I could hear Jesslyn dancing around the kitchen, causing the clamor that had woken me up.

Rosalie peered at me. "You look like you could use some more sleep," she noted.

I rolled my eyes and yawned, shrugging. Rosalie chuckled. A huge snort came suddenly from beneath me somewhere; Rosalie jumped and I nearly fell out of my chair. Alice twitched her nose and returned to her stupor.

Jesslyn then rounded the corner, clad in low-rise blue jeans and a cream-colored short-sleeved shirt. She padded right past Rosalie and didn't glance at me, vanishing into her room.

I shared a quizzical glance with Rosalie, and she shrugged. Jesslyn came back through her doorway, silently throwing me another one of her boots. This one was suede purple, and I examined it slowly. Clearly, Jesslyn meant for me to do something to Alice with it, but I didn't know what to do, as I did not want to _really_ hurt my best friend. So I settled with chucking the boot at Alice instead of smacking her with it; she grunted and rolled over onto her back.

Rosalie covered her hand over her mouth to keep in her laughter, while I had no reaction at all. Jesslyn resumed to making her waffles in the kitchen.

Rose and I watched Alice snore for a moment, and then Rosalie turned on her heel and retreated into her room to dress.

I reached for the remote and turned on the TV. I found a show about piano – I didn't particularly want to learn to play, but I'd caught myself on more than one occasion thinking about one certain song, so remarkably and incredibly melodious that I couldn't ignore it. I don't remember where I'd heard it, but since I arrived at college I had been listening for it on various TV shows and on the radio.

I settled for doing that for a while, occasionally hearing pans randomly clang from the kitchen. Pretty soon Alice had woken up. Rosalie's music thudded under her door from her room. I turned up the TV a little.

"Ugh," Alice groaned. I looked at her; she hoisted herself up onto the couch and put a hand to her head. "My head is killing me."

"Well, that's what you get for getting yourself drunk." I turned off the TV.

"Ugh," she groaned again.

"We should probably go back to our apartment," I said. We were still dressed in the same things we wore to the after-party yesterday.

"Yeah," Alice agreed. But she made no move to get up.

I heaved myself off the chair and slipped my feet into my shoes. Alice did the same.

"Bye," Alice called to Jess and Rose, opening the front door.

"Come by later," Jesslyn sang, her voice muffled.

"Afeoofisoforboom!" Rosalie yelled.

"Um," I whispered to Alice. "Did you catch any of that?"

Alice shook her head. "Nope."

And then we walked out the door.

--

It felt nice to be in fresh clothes again. My jeans fit snugly, as did my orange shirt. It also felt nice to be back in my own blue room, that had an assortment of clothes strewn across the floor, and an enormous bookshelf that lined the back wall. A typical-sized (especially compared to Alice's) bed was pushed against the west wall, donned with a pale yellow comforter. Most of my walls were bare, because the bookshelf took up most of the space in the room. A bulletin board that hung over my desk was the only thing on the wall, and I liked it that way.

When I walked into the living room, Alice was lounging on the brown couch typing some essay on her laptop. She had iTunes open; _Go All the Way (Into Twilight)_ by Perry Farrell blared through the speakers.

"Hey," I said, striding past her and to the fridge, grabbing a cup and some milk.

"Hey," replied Alice, preoccupied. "Jasper's coming over later. That okay?"

"Yeah, sure." I didn't mind Alice's boyfriend, Jasper Whitlock, coming over. I actually was really good friends with Jasper. Apparently, Alice and Jasper had been high school sweethearts. The sad thing was that I was evidently there when they got together, but I don't remember any of it. Actually, I do know that Alice and I were really, really, really close in high school as well, but everything else about high school is gone. I do not remember if I had hit my head or something, or if I purposely forgot everything related to my high school in Forks, Washington, but I had no recollections of those times at all.

One thing I know about high school was that Jesslyn had told me that I was best friends with Alice's brother. But I don't remember that, either. I don't even know his name! Every time Alice talks about her family, she'd say "my mom," "my dad," or "my brother." Neither Alice nor anyone else I knew said the name of any of the Cullens.

For instance, Alice and Rosalie would be discussing the old days. Supposedly I'd went to school with Rose, too.

"Yeah," Alice would say, "do you remember the time E…rm… my brother put a salamander in your hair?" And her and Rosalie's would flash to my face and away, too quickly for me to understand the expression.

So now I stood in the kitchen, thinking of what to do with my day. I deliberated while Alice typed away on the laptop, the clicking of the keyboard and the thrum of the music was the only sound in the room. I chugged my milk slowly, pondering. I supposed I would go down to the where we practiced for dance team, or maybe go paint somewhere.

The phone rang shrilly. I went to go answer it, glancing at the caller ID. It was a cell phone number tracing from Forks, Washington; I didn't recognize the number.

"Alice," I called laconically into the living room. "Phone."

I heard Alice's answering grunt before the springs of the couch groaned as she got up to retrieve the call. She rounded the corner and looked at me malevolently, as if saying, "_Why didn't you answer it?!"_

I smiled apologetically and handed the phone to Alice.

"Hello?" she said.

It was quiet for a moment as Alice listened to the caller and I let my eyes roam around the little pale yellow kitchen. The wooden cabinets had brass handles, and the pastel green curtains over the window cast jade sunbeams onto the tiled floor.

I was trying to make shapes in the sunlight patterns on the flooring when there was an ear-splitting scream from Alice, and the phone dropped from her hand and clattered noisily to the floor. My eyes flashed to her face; it was frozen in a mask of horror, astonishment, and revulsion.

"Alice?" I asked. Alice didn't move.

I blinked at her, and she soon recovered to bend down and pick up the phone. She brought it up to her ear and hissed something unintelligible into it, then silenced herself so she could hear the person on the other line.

This was very uncharacteristic for Alice.

I suddenly felt too restless and anxious to paint, so I decided I would go dance. I wheeled around myself and strode into my room, grabbing my dance bag and stuffing in my pointe shoes, my jazz shoes, and my dance paws **(A/N: dance paws are kind of like little toe socks that fasten with elastic around the center of your foot, with holes where you stick in your toes so the paw stays on)**. I slipped my feet into some flip-flops, yelling "I'll be at the studio, I'll see you later" to Alice, and then I disappeared out the door.

I jogged to the studio, passing by other people driving by in their cars and couples walking by hand in hand. The studio was a spacious square building towards the end of the road, with brick exterior and one large window in the front that displayed the waiting room. I knew the inside would have six different-colored dance rooms, with glossy wooden floors, iridescent mirrors, and a smooth wooden barre would wind around three of the walls in the room.

When I opened the door to the building, I was pleased to see that the studio was completely empty. The lights in all six studios were off, so I chose the purple-painted room to my right to practice in. I lobbed my bag to the side of the room; it rebounded off the wall and slid back into the middle of the floor. I stared at it for a moment before going to stuff my flip-flops into it and sliding my feet into the dance paws. Then I dug through one of the side pockets for my ipod. Once I found it, I ambled to the stereo and plugged it in, turning up the music so loudly it meddled with my heartbeat.

But I couldn't shake off the abrupt feeling that I was forgetting something very important. I also had the feeling that someone was watching me, or thinking about me, and I was sure it wasn't Alice.

The first song that played was fast and upbeat, getting my blood racing through my veins as I stretched briefly and began to dance. And after that, the songs were meaningless. I spun, leaped, and slid across the floor. My _fouettes _**(fuou-tae) **were perfect, my toe pointed and my eyes never leaving my spot, and I ended in a flawless _illusion_. I reached my _jète_ **(jet-tay) **to its full extension, and landed my _romberse_ **(rhom-ber-say)**in the splits, succeeding in some more floorwork and making up dances to various songs that played.

Eventually I got tired of doing that, so I removed my dance paws and slid my feet into my pointe shoes, gliding to the barre. I looked over my shoulder, foolishly edgy, feeling like there was something out of place here. But the waiting room was still dark, and there was no one in sight, neither inside the building nor out.

I played some classical music, and that really helped me clear my head. The cryptic call Alice had received had been bothering me since I saw her petrified face.

I practiced my _pliès_ **(plea-yay) **and my _battements _**(baut-maws)**_, developpes _**(devlopae)**_, brise _**(bri-say)**_, arabesques _**(ara-bes-qua)**_, _and _por de bras _until it hurt to go on _releve_ **(rel-a-vay) **any more. I stretched in the studio until the playlist was almost over, and I had been there for three hours.

"Eyes On Fire" by Blue Foundation was the last song that played. I decided to cool off to that, knowing I should leave soon. Sweat was pouring down my face, and all my muscles ached, effectively exonerating my mind from all stressful thoughts. When I took off my pointe shoes, my toes were blistering, and one was bleeding (as they normally did when I wore pointe shoes without covers in the insides). "_I'm taking it slow/ Feeding my flame/Shuffling the cards of your game/And just in time, in the right place/Suddenly I will play my ace."_

I shimmied into my sweatpants, grabbed my flip-flops from their spot, and lumbered over to the stereo to unplug my ipod. A peculiar feeling shot through my spine, and my brain became confused; it searched frantically for a recollection that was not there.

I exhaled noisily and picked up my bag, turning off the stereo and the lights as I walked out of the studio. I strolled back to the apartment, hesitating at the door. Of course, I knew Alice would be off the phone by now, but knowing Alice and her mood swings, I wasn't positive of how her outlook of things were right now.

With a sigh, I opened the front door.

* * *

**EPOV**

I was sure that this was a bad idea. But holding the phone in my hands, I knew I had to tell her.

Once Carlisle had been able to talk to me long enough without having to leave (as he always had to do before), he had me convinced that Washington University offered a better curriculum in advertising and music than the University of Oregon. So here I was, about to call the sister I hadn't talked to in years that I was moving to her school.

The same school Bella attended. My heart heaved; I balked. I was petrified.

The number of Alice's cell phone was already punched into the phone and was shown up on the little screen. I hadn't pressed "send" yet – procrastinating. I was ambivalent of the outcome of this conversation, as I knew my sister's reactions always varied. What I really felt like doing was smashing the phone against the wall and sprawling out on my bed, as I had been doing for the past week and a half. I had dropped out of Oregon about three days ago, the day of the conversation with Carlisle.

Actually, I was sure that I had only agreed to go to Washington because I wanted to talk to Bella again. My Bella. I hadn't been able to get her out of my head: the way she moved, how beautiful she was, the feel of her in my arms, the feel of her smiling against my lips, everything about her.

I pressed the call button. The phone rang ominously, and after a moment, Alice picked up with a grumpy, "Hello?" I knew that I had made her get up from something imperative, because that's the tone of voice she always used in high school when a text message made her get off of Jasper Whitlock's lap. I shuddered and took a deep breath.

"Alice?" I said. "Uh, hey, it's Edward."

There was a piercing scream from the other side of the line, and a loud crashing sound. I held the receiver away from my ear for a minute until the clamor stopped. I put it back to m ear in time to hear a muted, melodious voice say, "Alice?"

I mulled over Bella's voice in my head, committing it to memory, as I waited for Alice to pick the phone up again.

And so I waited for a few more minutes until Alice murmured, "Oh, my God, Edward, what do you think you're doing?"

"Uh, I have big news," was my genius response.

"What of your news might I be interested in?" she hissed.

"Ouch," I said. "That hurt."

"I'm sorry," Alice apologized sarcastically. "But you call me after _two effing years_ and you expect me to care?"

"Yes."

Alice huffed. "Okay. What is your 'big news?'"

I kept quiet, thinking of ways to tell her. In the background of Alice's side of the call, I could hear faintly someone calling out something, but I couldn't make out the words.

I settled on telling my sister bluntly. "I'm moving to Washington University."

Her line was quiet.

"You _WHAT?!_" Alice exploded.

"I am moving in to your school."

"What – but – can't you – here – I – you – what?" she spluttered.

"It was just a spur-of-the-moment decision," I said.

Alice growled. "When?"

"When what?"

"When are you coming?"

"Oh," I said. "I don't know. Next week, maybe? I'm going to share an apartment with Jasper."

"Wait," Alice said slowly. "You're moving in with Jasper? Jasper Whitlock?"

"Yes."

"Huh."

"Huh, what?"

"Huh, as in: 'Huh, Jasper never told me any of this.'"

"Well, when was the last time you saw Jasper?"

"Yesterday."

"You two are still dating, then?"

"Of course. He's coming over again in about ten minutes."

"Oh."

"Oh, what?"

"Oh, as in: 'Oh, I don't know what else to say about that.'"

Alice puffed again. Both lines were quiet for a while, as both of us were lost in our own thoughts.

"Bella doesn't remember you, you know," Alice whispered after a moment.

I was sure I could physically hear my heart breaking. I could feel it, that was for sure. It was like someone had punched me in the gut and broken my ribs, only this was more numbing. I ground my teeth together to keep in the overwhelming emotion.

"When did that happen?" I asked in a strained voice.

"In high school," Alice explained. "After you two couldn't see each other any more, Bella was a mess. She wouldn't talk to anyone, she wouldn't eat anything, and she wouldn't keep up with her schoolwork like she used to. She would read on her own unless she had to, and she constantly had massive circles under her eyes. I had to go over to her house practically every day for about four months to make sure she didn't do something drastic to herself. A little bit after that, she knew she had to move on, and be herself again. So she forced herself to forget everything about you, and she found a new refuge in dancing. Of course, she still kept up her painting, but she didn't think I knew. She still doesn't think I know. After school, she'd drive straight to a dance studio and not come back to her house until late at night. She took up a job there, at the studio, helping little kids and cleaning and things like that. I think that the frustration that was leftover from not being able to see you was lost in the busywork with the children, and I'm sure that's only one of the reasons she liked it so much there."

I dropped the phone on the bed and buried my face in my hands. I could still hear Alice continue her story, though her voice was more muffled, and I had to strain to hear her.

"Then over the summer, the studio was closed, and we were getting ready for college. Bella was still a wreck, but the bags from sleep deprivation weren't as prominent as they were that year. By the end of the summer, Bella had forgotten every high school memory she had, only remembering Charlie, Renee, and Phil. Rosalie, Jesslyn, and I got with Emmett and Jasper before freshman year started. We decided it was best not to ever say your name around Bella, not wanting her to slip back into the shambles she was before. So no reference of you, Mike Newton, Angela Weber, Mom, Dad, or anyone else from Forks was mentioned around her, and so she's lived all these years oblivious."

I was quiet. After a minute of silence, I picked the phone up again, pinching the bridge of my nose with my other hand. "Why?" I croaked.

"It was best," Alice said quietly.

"Well, that all goes out the window now." I sighed. Alice sighed, too.

"Is she there?" I asked.

"No."

"Where is she?"

"Dancing," Alice explained. "When she's frustrated or confused, she flees to the studio, or she goes and flirts with the landscape and her paintbrushes."

"Oh." I should have known that one.

I could indistinctly hear the sound of a door opening.

"Um," said Alice. "Jasper's here now…"

"Okay," I said quickly. "Tell him I said hello, and that I will see him soon."

"Okay. Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Alice." And then I hung up the phone.

I sighed and collapsed on my back, groaning.

I promised her I'd never forget her, but she forgot me.

I moaned.

"Forever and always" must have been misunderstood.

* * *

**A/N: Bada bing, bada boom. Chapter.**

**Sorry about all those ballet terms in the beginning. Just ignore them and move along. If you want to know what they are, review/PM me and I'll tell you. But I bet you don't care. So.**

**11/25-I had dance tonight. So Lacey brought with her these random maracas..... "I found them in my mom's drawer. One has a chili on it, and the other has a lizard on it. See?"**

**Song: Go All The Way (Into Twilight), Perry Farrell / Eyes On Fire, Blue Foundation. **

**Okay. I have to go dance now.**

**REVIEW. Please?**

**QUOTE OF THE WEEK: **

**Lacey- Jacob, I swear, if you don't shut up I'm going to slit your throat and dance in your blood!**


	18. Paradise

**OHMYESME! Something exciting happened this morning. **

**I was curling my hair with a curling iron, and then I burned myself, because I don't have the right kind of coordination for curling my hair (which is why I don't ever staighten my hair). So. **

**Anyway, the curling iron made a burn, right above my eye, but it looks really really epic and, like, nifty. So this way, when someone asks "Claire what happened to your eye?" I could say "I was burned by a fire-breathing dragon! GRAHWAH!!!"**

**Yeah, I say that's pretty exciting.**

**Sorry for the late update, by the way.**

* * *

_Once upon a year gone by  
she saw herself give in  
every time she closed her eyes  
she saw what could have been  
well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds  
when covers tucked in tight  
funny when the bottom drops  
how she forgets to fight..._

_-_Paradise, Vanessa Carlton

* * *

**BPOV**

Walking into the living room, I saw the back of Alice and Jasper's heads on the sofa. I cowered, preparing for the outcome of the mysterious phone call.

But when Alice heard my footsteps, she just turned around and smiled at me; I relaxed.

But there was something wrong with her eyes. Alice's face was perfectly smooth and cheery, but her eyes were clouded with anxiety and an odd, conspiratorial look.

"Hey, Alice," I said cautiously. "Hi, Jasper."

The tall blond twisted around on the couch to grin at me. That same mysterious expression was much less evident on his face, but I could still see it. I stared at his face for a moment, trying to decipher the expression. The same feeling from the dance studio, which had disappeared momentarily in the apprehension of what I would find in my apartment, returned at full force. I felt like I forgetting something of vital importance.

"Oh, Bella! I almost forgot to tell you," began Alice casually. I looked at her in enough time to see her plaster a cheeky smile on her face. "A young man by the name of Jacob Black called about an hour ago. It seemed it was imperative; you might want to go check the land line."

"Jacob called?" I verified.

Whatever it was I was forgetting, trepidation and delight replaced the feeling. Jacob Black had been one of my closest friends since I began classes at Washington. Jacob was a burly, tall, and russet-skinned boy that looked more like the type to beat someone up rather than make them cry laughing. His smile was the kind that could enliven anyone, and his jokes usually reduced me to tears. But since the beginning of this year, Jacob had been acting really – there was no other word for it – weird. Then a few weeks ago, Jacob had asked me to a date with him, but I'd dodged that one. It would just be too awkward – for me, at least.

I saw Jasper frown. "Jacob? Jacob Black?"

Alice turned to face him and nodded. She stared at his face for a long time, as though trying to tell him a confidential statement without me hearing.

I didn't feel like sticking around to see if Jasper got the message. I slipped my bag dance off my shoulder; it landed on the hardwood floor with a noisy _thud._

"I'm going to go take a shower," I stated, and walked into my room to wash off.

The scalding water eased up my tense muscles. It felt good to wash off all the sweat that had gathered up from dancing. I felt like staying in the shower for ages, if the unease of the hectic day would only go away.

After I toweled, I threw on a white short-sleeved t-shirt. After digging around in my jean drawer, I soon realized that I didn't have any washed jeans to wear. The only things in my dresser were khaki pants and a few blue jean mini skirts.

This was a difficult decision.

On one hand, I really did not want to wear a short skirt, nor did I want to wear a nice, formal pair of pants. On the other hand, I didn't essentially fancy sacrificing something clean for a pair of blue jeans that I'd already worn that week.

Deciding that I did not want to wear dirty jeans, I put on one of the mini skirts.

It felt weird. I did not particularly like to wear skirts – I was still very self-conscious. Though I could do whatever a dance called for in front of massive crowds, when it came to clothes, I preferred to burn all tight-fitting and short garments. This particular skirt reached about my mid-thigh – which was good, I guessed, compared to what I'd seen other girls around campus wearing.

After drying my hair and unsnarling the tangles, I walked out of my room, intending to check the messages on the phone and hear what message Jacob had left.

But doing that involved passing through the living room, where Alice would undoubtedly comment on the skirt.

I considered staying in my room, thinking Jacob could wait, but then I realized that was stupid. Who was I to be afraid of the little pixie, anyway?

I strode warily into the living room, creeping so that Alice may not hear my footsteps.

That didn't work.

I was nearly to the door of the kitchen when Alice shrieked, "Oh my Hairy Popper! Isabella Marie!"

This was too serious a situation to laugh at her absurd saying. I gulped and rotated on my heel slowly to face her**:** a rabbit in the eyes of the tiger.

"Mhm-hmm?" I said, not daring to open my mouth. However, I did note that the cloudiness in her eyes was not quite as conspicuous as they were before.

Alice's dark eyes zeroed in on my legs, narrowing. "Would you mind telling me exactly what you're wearing?" she asked.

"Well, er..," I stuttered. I looked around for a minute, thinking of ways to escape. I was always amazed at what kind of trivial manias caused Alice and I to bicker, and now was no different. I picked up the hem of my tee shirt, twisting my face up into what I hoped was a smile rather than a grimace. "Er, I'm wearing my favorite Spill Canvas tee-shirt?" My uncertainty made it sound like a question.

"No." Alice shook her head, her spiky black hair bouncing. "What I meant to say was: Why the hell are you _willingly_ wearing a mini skirt?"

"Er, well, I really wouldn't call it _willingly_… it was against my better judgment… but all my jeans are in the wash, and so I didn't really want to wear a _dress _or anything, so…" I trailed off feebly. Jasper snickered.

To my complete surprise, Alice beamed at me. "Well," she said, "You look stunning. Right, Jasper?" She looked at her boyfriend expectantly, before saying, "Oh, wait. Jazz, don't answer that."

I snickered and slunk away as quietly as possible, thrilled that this didn't end up with Alice on the computer ordering thousands of other mini skirts for me. Sighing, I decided I would go check to see what Jake wanted.

Ambling into the kitchen, I picked the phone off the handset and viewed the caller ID to get Jacob's number.

The first caller on the list was a toll-free number. The next was Jesslyn and Rosalie's apartment number, and after that was Caleb Gibson, Alice's Biology partner.

After Caleb, my finger on the "down" button slipped, scrolling through the callers at a rapid pace.

"Crap!" I hissed to myself, removing my thumb off the button completely.

And then, looking at the screen, I almost dropped the phone entirely.

The display showed the number of the caller that had phoned Alice earlier, and I was extremely tempted.

Who could possibly have caused that kind of reaction from Alice? Just one little call wouldn't hurt anyone. All I would do was listen to the voice mail to see who it was, not a big deal. It wasn't like the person was someone who tried to murder me or anything.

What was the likelihood of the caller picking up the phone, anyway?

It was dead quiet in the kitchen while I deliberated. Alice and Jasper's whispers from the other room did not carry through under the door; the only sound was the increasing of my heart speed, and my harsh breathing.

I felt my finger move to press the "call" button without my brain realizing it. I heard the shrill ring coming from the phone, but I did not place it up near my ear. I was listening carefully to make sure Alice and Jasper didn't know what I was doing.

_Don't be stupid,_ said a voice in my head. _They'll think it's you calling Jacob. What are you freaking out for?_

The phone rang again, and this time I moved it up closer to my ear so I could hear it.

It rang twice, then once more. My heart seemed as though it was trying to leap out of my chest and bound off to something I could not see.

A melodious, smooth, velvet voice answered, and I was sure it was no answering machine. "Hello, this is Edward Cullen."

My heart gave one last, heaving thud, and then everything went black.

* * *

**EPOV**

I didn't know what I was going to do with the letters from high school. Just thinking back to that romance, that romance that was fused by an anonymous letter; it made my heart crack just to remember…

To remember…

I could remember with perfect clarity the warmth Bella supplied when I was holding her in my arms. I could remember faultlessly the ardent feeling of her lips on mine, a memory that still sent trills of fire down to the bowels of my stomach – hers were the only lips that had ever touched my own since then. I could remember the exact melody of the song, her song…

Her song…

"Edward?" came Carlisle's voice on the other side of the door.

I scurried off the bed to open the door for my father. "Hey," I said.

"Son, you know you don't have to go to Washington if you don't want to," Carlisle began.

"I want to, Dad, so don't worry about that," I interrupted.

"I understand that you have classes you're leaving behind at Oregon," continued Carlisle, "and that you have friends that you may not get to see again, but I sincerely think that moving to Washington University would be the best for your curriculum."

"Okay, Dad," I said. "I understand. And I'm ready to leave Oregon, you know, to go start over somewhere new. I could pack now, and maybe drive up there within the next day or two…"

"No, no, our mother and I like you being here," said Carlisle. "Just stay a few more days."

I looked down guiltily, scrunching up my face. I thought of Bella, of how I so longed to see her face again, but also how I did not. Somehow, Bella had locked me away somewhere in the depths of her mind, and the outcome of her viewing me was unprecedented.

"Okay. I'll leave on Tuesday, then."

"Sounds good, Edward," said Carlisle. He made to leave the room.

"Oh, wait, Dad!" I called.

He turned. "Yes?"

"You and Mom can come visit me at Washington at any time, right?"

Carlisle beamed at me. "Any time, son." He turned to leave again.

"And Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"I promise I'll come stay home on the holidays."

Dad grinned, his face glowing. My heart squeezed proudly. Maybe one problem I'd made over the past few years could be solved.

Once Carlisle closed the door, I dashed to the desk. Opening the third drawer on the right, I grabbed the binder storing the letters and flung it on my bed. Then I sprinted to the closet, throwing the door open and reaching up to look on the top shelf.

"Damn," I snarled to myself when what I was searching for wasn't there.

So I looked on the floor of the closet, rummaging through various garments that had fallen off coat hangers, pushing chess sets and board games out of the way until I found all the empty shoe boxes.

"Ah-ha!" I proclaimed to the olive, size 9 1/2 shoebox, holding the box in the air triumphantly. "I found you!"

And then I felt incredibly stupid, standing in my closet and holding up an empty shoebox – no need to mention I was _talking _to it. I would like to think that it was just the stress of the morning's information that was making me loopy.

I walked back to my bed where the binder was lying, feeling faint. I slowly opened the binder, and, one by one, I placed the letters tidily into the box.

My phone rang, sending vociferous choruses of "You Had Me At Hello" blasting into the air. I rushed to where it was sitting on the coffee table next to the couch; in my haste, I did not look at the caller ID.

"Hello, this is Edward Cullen," I answered, somewhat breathlessly.

There was a loud breathing on the other line, followed by a sickening _splat._

"Oh, shit!" someone's muffled voice yelled. I was bewildered, and I had no idea who I was on the phone with.

"What's happened?" a high-pitched voice shrieked.

"Hello?" I asked cautiously. "Hello? Who is this?"

There was a clattering sound as someone picked up. This sound gave me a strange feeling of déjà vu, from this morning and the phone call with my sister. "Hello?" said the soprano voice. It sounded worried – and familiar.

"Alice?" I asked in disbelief.

There was a gasp. "Edward? Oh, no, why in the world are _you_ on the phone?" Alice cried.

"Um, because… wait, didn't you call me?"

It was silent for a moment. I could hear a deep voice in the background yelling, "Bella? Bella! Wake up, Bella, come on, wake up!"

Bella? "Alice," I said. "What the hell is going on?"

"Er, um…" she began. "Well, I _think_ – I can't be positive – but I think that _Bella_ called you…"

I clapped a hand to my mouth to stop myself from screaming. Then I took a deep breath.

"Bella? Bella, please wake up!" the male voice pleaded.

"Who's with you?" I asked Alice after a moment.

"Jasper Whitlock."

I could have guessed as much. I kept in touch well with Jasper and Emmett McCarthy.

"Oh," was all I could say.

"Bella? Bella! Wake up! Come on, Bella! Wake up!" Jasper implored. "Alice, can you get me some water?"

"Yeah, hang on," answered Alice. The phone went quiet for a moment, but I could hear the activity occurring on the other line.

When Alice picked up again, I demanded, "What happened to Bella?"

"She fainted." She said it really casually too.

Fainted! "Fainted?"

"Don't freak out, Edward, she'll come round."

"I'm not freaking out," I said.

"You are," Alice contradicted.

"If you say so." I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and my forefinger, sighing. "I guess I shouldn't be on the phone when she wakes up, then." It was amazing how much it pained me to say those words, when I desperately yearned to hear her voice.

"Nope."

"Okay, then. See you in a few days, I suppose."

I thought I heard Alice sigh, but it was too quick to be sure.

The line went dead.

"Bye to you, too," I grumbled into the receiver, snapping the phone shut.

I repositioned the top on the box. Carefully, I placed the box vertically under my bed, so that every time I tried to sleep, it would poke my ribs to remind me of the girl I loved.

_Beta'd by BubblyAmericanWriter1_

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**Author's Note: Yeah.**

**Life Lesson Number One: NEVER PUT COOKIES IN THE MICROWAVE.**

**Just about two point seven seconds ago, I decided I didn't want to eat hard chocolate chip cookies, so I stuck it in the microwave to make it warm and smooshy again.**

**Bad idea.**

**My cookie went Kaboom.**

**So anyway.**

**I can't even tell you people how much I love BubblyAmericanWriter1 (Leah) right now, for being friendly, supportive, kind, and just amazing. I thank her so effing much. !**

**BIG NEWS.**

**My new favorite song is officially "You Had Me At Hello" by A Day To Remember. They have a load of other amazing songs, but that one was the first one I heard, so therefore it's my favorite. Officially my favorite song.**

**Officially.**

**--**

**REVIEW!**

**And be amazing.**

* * *

**Beta Note: Okay, so. This is like the part where I'm supposed to say something totally supportive.**

**Wrong.**

**I'm going to go all random since Claire did up there.**

**Okay, so, like..I went to the Twilight movie for the 1st time the 2nd day it came out. Well, when Emmett came on I yelled "WOOH MAMA" out loud. People stared. I blushed. Life goes on.**

**When Edward came on everybody went nuts.**

**After, though, I said (really loud) "Psh, Emmett's hotter."**

**Life Lesson Numero Dos: Never Argue With Someone Across a Theater.**

**This one chick yelled, "NUH UH!"**

**Me: "YEAH HUH!"**

**Her: "OH YEAH?"**

**Me: "OH! YOU WANNA GO?"**

**Her: "NO, I WANNA WATCH THE MOVIE!**

**Me: "THEN SHUT UP AND WATCH IT!**

**Her: "MAKE ME!"**

**Me: "I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO WATCH IT!"**

**Her: "I DO!"**

**Me: "THEN SHUT UP AND WATCH IT!"**

**Her: "FINE THEN!"**

**Me: "OKAY!"**

**Yeah..I almost got kicked out of the theater...missed like half the words being said too.**

**Anyway**

**Review or I'll personally shove you in a microwave and you mite go BOOM like that cookie.**

**Nahh I'm kidding.**

**Seriously.**

**Review. :D**

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**A/N: Song - This Week The Trend, Relient K**


	19. Come In With The Rain

**Hey. It's like, 10:25 at night.**

**I had major issues writing this chapter. So, you'll read it. You'll read it and you'll LIKE IT!!! Or else I'll send my giant flesh-eating chipmunk on you.**

**OMG. Anne has a pet squirrel!!!**

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_

_I'll leave my window open,  
'Cause I'm too tired tonight to call your name.  
Just know I'm right here hopin',  
That you'll come in with the rain._

-Come In With The Rain, Taylor Swift

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**BPOV**

Five words. Five words seemed to be all it took to leave me absolutely breathless. I was so under the surface of consciousness that my defense had entirely disappeared; all that was left in me now was the memories.

Recollections flickered through my mind like a slide show in a jumbled order, one after the other. Each memory struck me with a piercing feeling, as though ice had been injected into my veins, carrying the frost throughout my body, freezing up the heat of life. They flashed in my brain acrimoniously: eleventh grade English teacher, Mr. Banner, walking around a vast white classroom with a patched, old top hat filled with slips of paper; curly-haired Jessica Stanley, urging me to pick a pen name; smacking into an unyielding object, but feeling the fire; Alice Cullen, chatting importantly with her brother; three tragic words – _Insane of Mind._

Multiple envelopes addressed in loopy, elegant writing; a large lake with raindrops trickling onto the smooth surface, my pen flying across a blank sheet of paper; Mike Newton, his foul breath, his painful assault; one pair of strong, pale arms and shining emerald eyes comforting me until it was all a dream.

A tall boy wrapped in white toilet paper, but one pair of green eyes stayed trained on me throughout all of it; a small girl and a blond boy kissing enthusiastically, but I could feel the burning stare; one note: _I think I'm in love with Bella Swan._

The crunching of feet on gravel, the silvery light on the water; the dock, the figure, the tousled auburn hair; the candlelit clearing, the trees; the grand piano, the magnificent lullaby; dancing in his arms in the moonlight; fitting perfectly into his side, lying seamlessly on his chest; waking up only to heed the words – _"Forever and Always."_

The tears; the heartbreak; the sounds of his footsteps thudding softly through my window; his touch, the last touch… _"this should be easy, we lasted for seventeen years without each other, right?" _The screaming, the fighting, the dodging each other in the halls…

The tear-jerking, heartbreaking, excruciating, agonizing, aching, throbbing, burning, freezing feeling; the way my stomach would heave every time we passed each other, and the way my heart would shoot up into my throat while at the same time it sunk down tediously to the edges of my toes, the feeling of pricks in the corner of my eyes every time I even _thought_ about what we'd had, what we'd shared…

Even on the threads of unconsciousness, his name brought back the poignant feeling, only ten times worse. My heart felt like it was shooting out of chest double-time, but I knew that in reality it was slowing; every part of me felt as though I was coming apart at the seams, and every hole in me was left gaping – if anyone happened to slit me open, there'd be nothing to see inside of me.

And I knew all my pain came from two words: Edward Cullen.

"Bella? Bella! Please wake up!" a deep voice begged.

I was too incapacitated by my stupor to even register the fretful tone of the speaker's voice.

"Should we call the nurse?" asked a female voice anxiously.

"Well, we splashed water on her face, but she didn't even move. Her face just got all scrunched up like she was in pain, so we didn't try that again," said another soprano voice.

"Gehursorum," mumbled a voice from a distance, as if there was something in the speaker's mouth.

"Jesslyn," the female voice criticized. "One of your best friends is, like, in a coma on the floor, but all you can do is eat?"

It was quiet for a moment. I could feel someone's hand gripping my arm, and another, warmer hand resting on my cheek, but I didn't open my eyes to see whom they belonged to.

The muffled speaker commented again. "Well, there was just this random piece of bread just sitting there… Aw, come on, Rose. You know you want some."

"Bella, Bella, Bella!" the high-pitched voice pealed.

The voices around me fuzzed my brain, and I really wanted them to be quiet. I knew they wouldn't settle down until they knew I was okay, so I made an "unguh" sound through my lips.

It was silent, and I smiled to myself.

"Jesslyn?" the male voice asked after a moment. "Was that you?"

"What?"

"That noise."

"No…"

I could feel everyone's eyes flash to my face. The silence I had aimed for exploded in my face.

"Was that Bella?"

"Someone smack her in the face!"

"What the hell? Really, Rosalie?"

"No, not really, Jasper."

"Oh, my God, you made me drop my toast!"

"Wait, why did she pass out in the first place?"

"You've been here for forty-five minutes and you really haven't asked that yet?"

"Um, no?"

"She called… someone… accidentally – we think – and his voice just gave her a shock."

"But that's just what we thought happened."

"How do you know?"

"Because I talked to him!"

"Really? How is he? Doing well, I hope."

"Jess, really?"

"Sure, sure," the trilling voice said. "He's coming up to WU to room with Jasper in a few days."

"_What?!_"

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

"I've already cleared out the room for him to stay in," said the male voice.

"Oh, my God."

Ugh. Too much noise. Every comment bounced around in my brain, but nothing really registered except _his_ face, too perfect to be real. I moaned again.

"Bella?"

"Bella! Wake up!"

"You should command her!"

"Isabella Marie, I demand you to make another sound. Just so I know you're alive."

Groaning, I fluttered my open: they felt as though a ton a bricks were on top of them, though that was, naturally, impossible. I blinked a few times, and blearily looked up to see four faces leaning over me apprehensively.

"Bella, are you alright?" asked Alice fretfully.

"Of course not," scoffed Jesslyn, her tan face glowing oddly. She was smiling. "She was just unconscious."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," said Alice sarcastically. "Oh, Bella! I was so worried!"

"Yeah," supplied Jasper, " I was helping her write her essay when we hear a beeping sound, and then this loud thudding."

It was silent, but it took me a minute to disclose what he'd said. "Thudding?" I murmured. I then realized that talking made my head spin, so I picked up my hand and clapped it to my forehead.

"The thudding was you hitting the floor," said Alice. Rosalie threw her a warning look.

"Oh." I tried to hoist my self up to a sitting position, but Rosalie's and on my shoulder and Jasper's hand on my face made it hard.

"We think you should rest for a bit, Bella," said Jasper. "Jesslyn, will you get her some water?"

"She sure seems friendly with the fridge, that's for sure," muttered Rosalie darkly under her breath.

Jesslyn's face above me disappeared as she went to grab a glass from the cupboard. It was quiet.

Then something suddenly clicked in my head, and I shot up straight. Rose and Jasper's hands fell off me in surprise.

"Alice?" I asked. "Did you say that… that Edward," I choked and stuttered out his name, "was coming… that he was coming _here_?"

I didn't miss a familiar secretive look that Alice gave Jasper. I realized suddenly that it was the same look that they had shared just before I went to take a shower. Could it really have been only a few hours ago?

"Well, er," began Alice nervously. "Um… I… er… Jasper?"

Jasper's face was grave. "Don't freak, Bella, okay? He and I planned this yesterday. It's all set; I've already cleared out his room."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the frenzied beat of my heart.

I heard footsteps coming closer, but I didn't open my eyes. I was thinking about _him_ coming _here_. What would happen? How would he react? Would he remember me?

Then I considered the fact that _I_ hadn't remembered _him_. How would it be fair for him to have to recall me, when I had forced all memories of him into the back of my head? Thinking of him used to hurt _so_ much… But really, at the time, what choices did I truly have? I could remember him but be in pain all the time, or I could disregard him and move on? Maybe I was just young, naïve, in love; I got lost in his eyes and let him take all of me. Maybe, now that I was older, I would know better. I had convinced myself once before that Edward and I didn't belong together: that I didn't mold into his side perfectly, that I wouldn't smile when I thought about him, that my heart wouldn't jump every time he touched me…

Well, surely I could persuade myself again, if I tried _really, really _hard.

"Bella?" Alice's voice sounded tentative. I snapped my eyes open. Jesslyn had returned, and she was sitting cross-legged on the floor next to my foot, a blue cup in her hand.

It took me a moment to realize that Jesslyn was not _just_ glowing, but _positively_ glowing. I looked at her curiously, but didn't comment.

"Are you okay?" asked Rosalie.

No. "Yeah." One-worded answers were good – no one could hear my lie.

Jesslyn handed me the cup, and I sipped it slowly. I drained all of it.

"Do you want some more?" Alice fretted once I was finished.

"No, thanks, though. Honestly, I'm fine." Not really. "I just need some normalcy."

I scrambled to my feet, but then I had to grab the counter for support when the walls started to spin. Jasper, Alice, and Rose had all stood with me, and they grabbed my arms and shoulders to keep me steady. Jesslyn remained on the floor, smiling serenely. It felt nice to know that she thought I was strong enough to get through this swoon by myself.

"I'm fine," I promised, biting back a sigh. I set the cup on the surface, and leaned against the counter.

I coughed, feeling awkward. Once again, I felt a prickling feeling on the back of my neck, like unseen eyes were watching me. Everyone in the room was staring at me, and my heartbeat, which was bounding around in my chest like a tennis ball, seemed to be the loudest sound in the room.

"Um…" I said. I made a face, not knowing what to say. Alice snorted, and I suddenly felt better. I decided to distract myself from the stabbing feeling in my chest by examining Jesslyn's buoyant expression. While everyone else looked grave and wary, her expression was exultant and joyful. She met my gaze and stood up, coming to sling her arm around Rosalie.

"Jesslyn, why are you so… happy?" I asked. My question didn't sound rude, just merely curious.

Jesslyn beamed, and her whole face lit up. "I swear, I'm going to _marry_ Chase Duncan!"

I squinted at her for a long time. Her smile never faltered, and she stared off into space dreamily.

"You're getting married?"

"No. I'm just his girlfriend," said Jesslyn. "But I hope I get married."

"Who's Chase Duncan?" demanded Jasper.

Rosalie and Jesslyn both arranged their faces to looks of horror. "We talk about him _all the time_, Jasper, where have you been? On Pluto?"

"Uh, isn't he the tall, blond runningback on the football team?"

"That's the one."

"Okay, yeah, I know him."

"Oh, he's _so_ cute," squealed Jesslyn. She spun around herself in a circle, and then I realized she was wearing a dark brown sundress.

"Jesslyn, are you insane?" I asked incredulously. I was pretty positive it was about negative six degrees outside. It was December last time I checked.

She stopped spinning to peer at me. "I dunno. Probably."

Rosalie turned her face to the side so Jesslyn wouldn't see her mouth _Yes_.

I stifled a giggle, then asked, "Wait, what day is it?"

"It's December fourteenth, Bella," answered Alice.

"But Jesslyn's wearing a sundress! That means she needs _sun_."

"I know," sighed Alice. Then she turned to Jesslyn. "Jess, look what you've done!" she accused. "You're probably going to make Bella's brain plug up!"

"Yeah, she just woke up from a blackout, can't you try to act human for at least an hour?" contributed Jasper.

Jesslyn frowned and shook her head. "Are we human, or are we dancers?" she sang. **(Human, the Killers)**

"Oh, Jess," said Rosalie brightly. "Are you going to tell Bella about the parade now, or later?"

Alice made an annoyed sound. "Is now really the time, Rose?"

Rosalie's smile slipped off her face. She made a face.

"What parade?" I demanded. This was good – one more thing to distract me.

"Oh yeah," said Jess happily. "You have to perform in the campus Christmas parade on Tuesday."

"Tuesday?" I said. "When's that?"

"The day Edward comes back," answered Jesslyn causally.

My stomach heaved at the sound of his name. Jasper and Alice threw dark, frantic looks between Jess and me, but Rosalie seemed smug.

"Oh, quit fussing," huffed Jesslyn impatiently. "I know everything between Bella and Edward will work out."

"Jess, your 'feelings' about relationships are not always correct," hissed Alice.

"Oh, please, who hooked up you and Jasper, eh, Alice?" said Jesslyn, laughing. "Quit worrying. Everything will be the same as it was before."

"Before… as in, before they became… an 'item?'" asked Jasper.

"Sure."

I had to move the conversation away from Edward as soon as possible, or else I felt like I might throw up.

"What are you so pleased about, Rose?" I said to Rosalie.

"Oh," said Rose, "I'm just glad that I can finally say Edward's name out loud around you. It was a pain to have to avoid it."

_Please don't say his name_, I wanted to tell her. But that would sound mean, so I didn't say it.

It seemed Alice could read my agonized expression, because she said, "Uh, let's go make some hot chocolate. A new episode of _House_ is on today that Bella and I have been wanting to watch for a while, so let's go in the living room and see it." She bustled everyone out of the kitchen.

"Bella," she said when everyone was gone, "are you positive you're okay? I'm sorry to say that I can't stop my brother from coming, and I don't want you to move because of him. You two can still be friends, right? I mean, Charlie and Esme won't know, or they won't remember, or something…" She trailed off. I sighed.

"But, hey," said Alice cheerily, "even if that doesn't work out, I'll be here! And I'll be here for you, just like I was before. Okay?"

I didn't meet her eyes. I knew her voice was optimistic only because she wanted to comfort me. I was glad for my best friend being here, but I really just wanted to be alone. Now that everyone was gone, there was nothing to preoccupy myself with.

Alice patted the top of my head and pranced out of the room.

I sank to the floor and buried my face in my hands, feeling the tears leak out of my eyes. There, in the dead quiet, the sound of my ragged breathing seemed to overwhelm me. I concentrated on regaining my composure, but all the while trying to ignore the way my heart jumped around inside of me, longing for the one person I refused to let it have.

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**EPOV**

The next day I decided to pack for school. The massive red suitcase lay overflowing on my bed, and my mother flitted around it, throwing in various garments and objects while I observed her progress on the couch.

"Do you have all your books?" Esme fretted. She rummaged around in the bottom on the suitcase bravely.

"Yes, Mom," I said for the millionth time.

"All your pants? Ties? Shoes? Belts?" She peered into the luggage circumspectly.

"Yes, Mom."

"Shirts? Underpants? Crayons?"

"Yes, Mo – what? Why will I need _crayons?_"

"Just in case you get bored!" Esme answered gleefully. She dashed to my desk and returned to my suitcase with a green pencil pouch that I used in the seventh grade. "Oh, you used to _love_ your purple play-dough, too, maybe I'll stick that in a plastic baggie later…"

I held back the urge to scream. I honestly wasn't two years old anymore.

"Mom, too much stuff won't fit into my trunk," I pointed out.

"You'll always have room in the backseat, unless you feel like… getting up to something… back there, which I hope you don't, because I don't think you'll use protection…"

"_Mom_, really?" I said weakly. My cheeks burned.

"Okay, well, sorry," she said.

I could help but to feel angry with my mother. I just wanted to be alone, but here she was, making sure I had dress pants and basketball shoes packed. _Let's not forget Mr. Potato Head, or the Barrel of Monkey_s, I thought sardonically. Of course, I had been angrier at her… But I didn't want to think about that right now. So I hauled myself off the couch and ran a hand through my hair.

"Okay, the only problem now will be zipping this up." Esme stood back to examine the suitcase thoughtfully. I watched her blearily, as I was still clad in my plaid pajama pants and white tee shirt.

Esme nodded, and then walked backwards, as though she was about to attack me. I stepped back a few paces, but she ran right past me and launched herself at my luggage. Then she animatedly zipped up the suitcase, and I watched her unblinkingly. She reminded me of Bella just then: running and flinging herself at inanimate objects used to be a quirk of hers. Then I backtracked – I didn't want to think of Bella now. But I couldn't quit wondering if Alice or Jasper had told her that I was coming yet…

"There," breathed Esme. "You're set. But I'm not carrying this to your car."

"That's okay," I said. "I can get it."

Esme nodded again, and left so I could change quickly into my green sweater and khakis.

When I was done, I picked up the suitcase easily and began to walk out my room and down the stairs. I would do anything to get out of my room as soon as possible. The golden confines of my room had seemed to suffocate me the past few days. But maybe that was because I spent almost all day locked in there, brooding.

I opened the front door, walked to the back of the Volvo, and threw the luggage into the open trunk. Then I walked back inside to say goodbye to my parents.

"It was great having you home, Edward," said Esme. Her face was still flushed from her little fling with my baggage.

"Yeah, it was great," I lied merrily, hugging my mother.

"I'm glad you chose Washington," said Carlisle pensively. "It's the best for you. I think you'll like it better there."

"Yeah," I said, looking at the floor. That sure was a nice carpet, I wonder when they got it…

"…And it was nice seeing you again. Be sure to come back soon."

"Okay, Dad, I will."

Carlisle smiled at me, and Esme waved goodbye. I smiled in reply and hurried out the door and to the car.

Clambering in, Bella returned to the center of my focus. I buckled myself in and backed out of the driveway quickly, driving through the jade forest in a daze. It seemed everything reminded me of her; the large oak tree we had kissed behind so many times; the trail where we would ride our bikes together, so long ago… But then I remembered that Bella probably still didn't remember me. I really hoped the situation would change once I got to the school, but at the same time, I didn't. I just wanted what was best for my Bella.

But this was a two-day long drive for me, and if all I could do was think about Bella, I was going to have some serious problems.

I sighed heavily. This was going to be a long ride.

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_Beta'd by BubblyAmericanWriter1_

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**Beta Note: This totally AWESOME chapter was BETAd by the one, the ONLY...SKITTLES! (Me, Leah, The totally AWESOME Beta. XD)**

**So, You guys. You see that button?  
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**Yeah. Down there.**

**NO not the button that says, "ADD TO FAVORITE AUTHORS" or something like that (Although, that's a good idea too.)  
**

**Click the button that says REVIEW**

**:D**

**Claire Bear will be very happy!**

**(Although, not so sure about the Claire Bear thingy. Idk if she wants me to call her that. :o)**

**Even if she doesnt? Too bad. Mwahahaha XD**

**Oh. I'm rambling again, right?  
**

**REVIEW!!! **

**Cuz the Totally Foshizzle Beta said so.**

**Ha. I always wanted to say Foshizzle. XD  
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**Author's Note: Hey.**

**REVIEW.**

**Song: Bleeding Love, Leona Lewis; and four entire Relient K albums (Let It Snow Baby Let It Reindeer, Be My Escape, Hello McFly, Four Score and Seven Years Ago).**

**IMPORTANT STUFF:**

All the funny things that happen in my life are going in chapter sixteen,

because they take up too much room here.

**You don't have to read them, because most of them are moments of Lacey being stupid or Hayden being allergic to milk or me being absloutely retarted.**

**[[chapter 16 people(= exciting stuff. I'll update the top part with my week sometimes, so that'll be fun... (not)... so. Yeah. Bye.]]**


	20. I'd Lie

**This is exciting. I'm drinking a Gatorade and eating an orange.**

**I had this weird dream last night, that if you ate nothing but oranges and drank nothing but orange juice, would you turn orange? Would you dye your hair orange? Would you paint your room orange, and wear orange clothes?**

**These are the questions of life...**

**OH! And if you actually go to my profile and look at Jesslyn and Bella's parade outfit, PM me, with your thoughts. I'm pretty sure I didn't describe it to fabulously, so go look at it. Thanks, you're a doll(:**

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_Yes, I could tell you his favorite color's green  
He likes to argue, born on the seventeenth  
His sister's beautiful, he  
has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him,  
I'd lie_

-I'd Lie, Taylor Swift

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**BPOV**

"Bella, you need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

Alice shoved the bowl of cereal under my nose.

"A healthy breakfast is the way to start the day," she sang.

"Go away." I attempted to push the food away, but Alice's strength was not to be underestimated – the only thing I really accomplished was managing to slop milk and Fruit Loops all over the table.

"Bella," Alice said sternly. "You've been doing well coping with this situation for a few days. Don't ruin your good work with this one problem. So what? My broth – I mean, Edward is coming today. Big deal. Or is this just nerves of the parade?"

"The second one," I lied. I attempted to hold back the hyperventilation – the only thing I had been doing over the past two days was obsessing over my ex-best friend's (and ex-boyfriend's) return. How would he react? How would I react? And then there was this stupid Christmas parade Jesslyn had scheduled. I swear, if I was strong enough, I would strangle her right now. Or, I would send Emmett to do it for me. But what if… Edward (I flinched thinking his name)… came to campus _during_ the parade? What if he stopped to watch it? What if he recognized me? Or, even worse, what if he _didn't_ recognize me? I couldn't decide which one was worse at the moment.

"Well," said Alice apathetically, "Rose and I have to perform in it, too, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Of course the cheerleaders would be in the school parade.

Alice scrutinized my face for a moment.

"Oh, my God," she exclaimed, "quit moping around and eat your damn cereal!" And she slammed the bowl on the table, causing more milk to spill over the edges, and stomped off to her room. The white liquid of the milk trickled off the side of the surface and slithered into a big puddle on the floor. I stared at it.

I wondered if Edward would like it at Washington. If he didn't, would he leave? And if he left, how would that effect me? Would I fall to pieces again, or would I be collected enough to move on? Would Edward be in any of my classes? Would we have to work together? Or sit next to each other? Would he come over to visit Alice when he got here? Would he remember Rosalie, or Jesslyn? Did he even keep in contact with Jasper or Emmett at all? Weren't they his best friends since the seventh grade, before junior year when I came along snatched him away? And what had happened to his old junior girlfriend, Tanya Walker? Did she and Edward ever even talk anymore? Did she resent me for taking her boyfriend back in high school? Did she still? And did Mike Newton and that Jessica girl ever get together? Wasn't she the one that he cheated on me with? Had Edward had any other girlfriends in college after Tanya? When Edward got settled into campus, would he try out for the basketball team? Did he even still play basketball? Did Edward still play the piano like he used to? Did he still remember the song he had played for me that one time in the woods? Did he keep all the notes we had sent each other? Or did he turn all of them in to the teacher when we were seniors?

The questions seemed to swarm my mind and overwhelm me, and I could feel my heart pound against my chest and my breathscome out in serrated gasps. _This is no time for a trip down Memory Lane,_ I reminded myself firmly, _Get a grip on yourself, Bella. _

Oh, shut up, Brain.

"Are you gonna clean that up?" a voice asked.

I started and snapped my head around to stare at Jesslyn, who had let herself in the apartment. In her hand she had two garments enclosed in zipped-up protection cases, which I assumed were our parade outfits.

"Probably not," I answered. I tried to smile, but it felt anomalous.

Alice bounded in then, her short hair limp with water. She had on a vibrant pink bathrobe, and frog house slippers that Jasper had bought her for Christmas last year. She skidded to a halt in front of Jesslyn and demanded, "Where's Rose?"

"Well," chuckled Jesslyn, "hello to you, too, Alice." Jess seemed oblivious to Alice's glare.

"She's supposed to be bringing my uniform!" Alice fretted, scrunching up her nose and dashing to the front door.

"There you are!" I heard her yell, and then a minute later she and Rosalie had returned to the kitchen where Jess and I stood. I could have laughed at the bewildered expression on Rosalie's face, but the sound seemed to get stuck in my throat. It went unnoticed.

"Okay, so you two are getting ready with Bella and I, right?" Alice verified.

"Right."

"Yup."

"Okay." Alice sucked in a deep breath. "Oh, poodles, I'm just so nervous!"

Why should Alice be nervous? She didn't act like this last year. She was normally the one calming me before a performance. But of course, I reminded myself, the brother she hadn't seen in over two years was revisiting. That was bound to present anyone with a bit of anxiety.

"Hey, Bella," said Rosalie, smiling warmly at me.

"Hi."

Rose studied my face and made to step forward towards me, but ended up slipping in the puddle of milk on the floor, cursing.

Alice tried to help her up, but Rosalie pulled Alice down on the floor, too.

Jesslyn was laughing her head off, while I watched with a carefully composed expression.

"Ha, ha, ha, y'all have fun getting ready for the parade!" Jess said, and then she grabbed my hand and towed me to my room.

She closed the door, muffling the sounds of Rose and Alice's squeals and laughter.

"Okay, our outfits this year are _so_ amazing," gushed Jesslyn.

"Hey, I'm a co-captain, right?" I argued. "Aren't I supposed to have a say in what we wear? I personally don't want to be wearing a sleeveless sundress in the middle of December."

Jess frowned. "We're not wearing sundresses, or boots," she said coolly. "Actually, we're going be wearing long sleeves, tights, and character shoes." **(Character shoes are like tap shoes without the taps)**

"Oh," I said. "Well, let me see this outfit, then."

Grinning, Jesslyn unzipped the first protective cover. **(Picture on profile) **Inside was a velvet, crimson red and white uniform. The sleeves were long, and the skirt was short, reaching maybe a little higher than mid-thigh. One thing I didn't fail to notice was the there was a matching red leotard attached underneath, and I learned that was because the outside was acting like a coat; the right side and the left side of the dress joined in the middle, opening the crotch up slightly to expose the leotard, and a skin-colored cloth was placed where the top made the v-neck. White feathers lined the bottom of the skirt, the cuffs on the sleeves, and the outer edges of the coat, as well as the collar, and plastic snowflakes had been sewn in various places on the dress.

"Jesslyn," I choked. "I _cannot _wear this."

"Sure you can! People will think you look adorable in this!"

"I seriously doubt that. People will think I'm a little slut, that's what they'll think."

"Really, have you ever doubted me?"

"Uh, yes, I have."

"Okay, let me rephrase. Have you ever doubted my fashion sense?"

"Well, no…"

"Okay, well that's settled. And don't freak about the crotch thing," Jess said. "The skirt and the feathers cover it up. Plus, we're wearing tan tights, so that'll take that way, too."

"Well, it's not only that. I'm going to freeze my _ass_ off in this."

"Bella, really?" Jesslyn was evidently getting irritated. "Cut the melodrama. Just put it on, and if you don't think you look hot in it, you don't have to dance with us."

I sighed, and Jesslyn triumphantly stuffed me into the full outfit – tights, white hairpiece, and the dress. She led me over to the mirror.

"See?" she asked me, smirking. "You look stunning."

I really couldn't argue with that; I really did grudgingly admit that I looked okay.

"Okay?" snorted Jess. "Bella, you're going to break hearts."

I raised my eyebrows and frowned.

"Especially Edward and Jacob's," she added.

"You just couldn't keep yourself from saying that, could you?"

"Nope."

I looked at my shoes.

"Oh, Bella," Jesslyn said sympathetically, "I'm sorry. But you really need to get over this. You and Edward will be friends again soon enough."

"How do you know?" I still kept my eyes downcast.

"Because I can feel it. And usually my guesses are right. So, there." I looked up at her smug tone, and she stared me down until I starting laughing, feeling better about today that I was before.

"Okay, okay," Jess laughed. "I'm going to curl your hair and put on your make-up, and then I'm going to make you check on Rosalie and Alice while I get ready."

"Okay, I will."

After all the cosmetics were on my face, Jess glued on fake eyelashes that I tried to rip off (she slapped my hand away every time), and curled my hair. Overall, taking the snowflaked dress, curled hair, and the flamboyant red lipstick into consideration, I looked very, very Christmas-y.

"Now," commanded Jesslyn, "go check to see it they're ready. I'll be out in a few minutes."

Then she heaved me out of my own room.

I knocked on Alice's door.

"Hello?" two voices answered.

"Hey guys, it's Bella," I said. "Can I come in?"

"Um." There was a loud crashing sound and then Rosalie's face peeked through the crack in the door. "Can you hang on a sec?" she asked.

I nodded, and the door shut. There was another dull thudding sound, and Alice opened the door all the way.

"What are you doing in here, starting World War III?" Looking around Alice's shoulder, everything in her room looked normal. No tanks or residue of recent bombings were visible. Then I examined Alice and Rosalie, who both looked perfect, as usual. Their preppy uniform – a scarlet tank with a matching pleated skirt, trimmed with silver, and their sweatpants and turtlenecks – made them seem as if they belonged in a boarding school for high schoolers.

"No. We just dropped something," replied Alice. Then Rosalie came up behind her and mumbled something in her ear, and Alice turned her back to me to answer. I watched them bicker in whispers, curious. When Alice finally turned around to face me again, I cocked my head to the side. She smiled at me angelically, but the rest of her face was completely inscrutable.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"Nothing," said Alice. "We're ready now." She walked out of the doorway and down the hall.

"Okay." I waited for Rosalie to come out before I made to sit in the kitchen, too.

"Is Jess ready?" Rosalie said as we walked down the hallway.

"Almost," I answered. "Did you clean up the milk?"

Rosalie laughed. "Yes, we did. Not thoroughly, though, so the floor might smell rotten for a while."

"Great."

We had reached the kitchen now. I flopped myself down in a chair next to Alice, who was texting on her cell phone. Rose studied my face again.

"Nervous?" she asked. There was something peculiar about her expression, but I couldn't place it. Maybe I just wasn't good at the whole reading-people's-faces thing, that would explain a lot.

"Yeah."

"Don't be," said Rosalie. "You look gorgeous."

"Thanks."

"Oh, my God, Bella, just get over yourself already!" Alice exploded. "You see Edward, you talk, you become B-F-F, and then everything is just a cup of tea, okay? Ugh!"

I stared at my best friend, wide-eyed.

"She's been PMSing with me, too," muttered Rose after a moment. "Then she starting yelling some nonsense about serial killers. It was mental."

"Serial killers?" I raised my eyebrows. "Are you sure it wasn't about cereal?"

"I dunno, I guess so."

I laughed. It sounded slightly breathless to me, but hopefully no one noticed. Alice had gone back to texting furiously, her fingers flying.

"Okay, I'm ready. Let's go dance for three miles!" Jesslyn called enthusiastically. She rounded the corner, clad in velvet and feathers, her curls bouncing, beaming excitedly.

We all grabbed our coats (Alice reluctantly left her phone in the apartment) and headed down to Lion Street for the parade.

* * *

**EPOV**

Just after I pulled into the student parking lot, the police began blocking the streets. I wondered if this was normal at Washington, blocking the main road at ten o'clock every morning.

I only had one suitcase, so it only took me one trip from the car to the lobby of Jasper's apartment. He was room number 284, so I rode the elevator up to the second floor and knocked on the door.

Jasper opened seconds after I knocked. His blond hair was disheveled, and his eyes were peering at me blearily.

"Hullo, how can I help you?" he mumbled sleepily. His eyes closed and he swayed on the spot, before beginning to fall face-forward. I dropped my luggage and caught him before he squash his face on the ground.

I laughed. "Hey, Jasper." I set him on his feet in the doorway.

He blinked a few times, and then he yelled, "Oh shit! Edward! Hey, man!"

I chuckled at how disorientated and befuddled he was. "Hey."

"Come in, come in, your room's ready. Alice attacked it yesterday, so it should be utterly perfect." He rolled his eyes at the same time I did, and we laughed, remembering how in high school we would do that all the time. "Emmett's been looking forward to seeing you, man. You two haven't seen each other in who-knows-how-many years."

I grinned, stepping into the apartment. The front door led into the white living room, which had a hallway connecting it to the open yellow kitchen and a bunch of doors.

"Your room is the red one, or the… Hang on…" Jasper made two right angles with his left and right hand, shutting one eye. "The third door on the right. Go settle yourself in, and then we're going to the parade."

"Parade?" I asked.

"The Christmas parade," Jasper explained. "WU does it every year. Mainly, it honors the football team, the band, the cheerleaders, and the dance team. The other teams, like the chess club and the drama club, sometimes have floats, but no one cares about them."

"Okay then."

Jasper scurried off to get himself a Rick Krispie Treat and I made my way to my designated room. The room was a burgundy color with a beige carpet, and the only furnishings were a bed with a white comforter (which I was sure to get dirty faster than I could unpack all my stuff), a forest green couch, and an enormous bookshelf. Too bad I forgot to pack most of my books, but I did bring my favorites, and I would definitely buy more once I got settled in at campus. I didn't even bother to unpack, all I did was throw my suitcase on the bed and amble back to sit on a couch in the living room.

"Okay, let's go," said Jasper, emerging from his room.

"Alright. Are we going to walk there?"

"Yeah. 'S not far, Lion Street is just a few blocks up."

We brought along our gloves and hats in case it got too cold, and trooped out the door into the stinging chill. On our way there, I admired the tall, brick buildings and the areas of foliage that must have been very beautiful in the summer. Jasper and I talked as we strolled, catching up on places, people, and funny stories about friends we hadn't seen in a while. But when Jasper reached the stories about Bella, he caught the look on my face and quickly changed the subject to one of our high school friends, Tommy Agee, who had evidently tried on his girlfriend's ballet shoes and broke his ankle.

When we reached Lion Street, a fairly large crowd had already formed. Jasper and I found a good place to stand next to the rope, and we stood there for a while until we began to hear the loud thrumming of drums and tubas. Then the whole band came into view, marching in unison. The people around us in the crowd started to clap, and Jasper and I joined in, clapping and shouting.

The football team came next, running, whooping, and high-fiving various people in the audience. When Emmett spotted me, he roared, "Edward! You're here on time, man! There's a first! Yo, Jasper!" And we waved back at him, cackling. I did not miss a huge, russet-skinned boy towards the front of the clump shoot me an unexplained glare.

After the football players, a red convertible covered in pink flowers crawled by, seating a short blond girl with poufy hair and a gap-toothed, fake smile, sporting a sign that read 'Miss WU.'

And then the cheerleaders sprinted down the road, yelling, cartwheeling, and doing stunts. Jasper yelled loudly and beamed at Alice, and pointed out Rosalie Hale to me. Then, after seeing her again, I mentally cursed myself for not being able to remember her. I waved, somewhat sheepishly, to my sister, who caught my eye and sent me a look that plainly said, _Watch yourself, Genius._

Two more floats inched past us next, one with a bunch of oily-haired boys on it, and the next with a singer named Tristen Crisp bellowing out the words to "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas."

Finally, it seemed, a bunch of girls in crimson and white waltzed by in formation. Bella, of course, was easy for me to spot. She was in the very front of the line, and her dark mahogany hair was bouncing with each of her steps, yet even in the overcast sky, her locks seemed to shine. She was easily one of the best dancers on the team, along with the girl she was next to in the front – Bella's kicks were the highest, she was one of the most graceful, and her movements went perfectly with the music. She was one of the few I had seen throughout the whole parade with a real, warm, genuine smile, as though she was actually happy to be in the parade. I didn't even know where to begin with her appearance – especially in the short little uniforms, Bella looked angelic. The way that she was carrying herself, one would think that she completely owned the school. Her nose and cheeks were rosy with the cold, and just looking at her smile made my heart melt yet freeze up at the exact same time.

Then Bella happened to glance in my direction, and brown eyes met green.

* * *

**Beta Note: Seriously? I'm going to flame her for leaving such a HUGE CLIFFY! XD **

**Kidding! **

**:D**

**~L**

**REVIEW OR DIE...No wait...REVIEW OR GET EDWARD STOLEN AWAY FOREVER! :O**

**--**

**Author's Note: Nooo! You can't flame me! I AM A VAMPIRE! I SHALL DIE!**

**I have lost my fangs.**

**Now, I don't know if any of you have seen the movie "Juno," but the song "Vampire" by Antsy Pants is probably one of the most supermassiveblackhole-y songs I've ever heard in my life. Youtube it. BTW-suppermassiveblackhole-y is my alternate adjective for awesome. I'm not saying the song sounds like anything by Muse. At all.**

**Now, if you don't review, I will come bite you, and then Leah will burn you and steal Emmett. Ahhh!**

**Song: The Show, Lenka.**

**PS-If you're not a creepy old stalker guy, IM me at liveYOURlife075. It's my FF screenname, so, it's not really like I'm giving out personal info or anything. But I like to keep in touch with other Twilight-obsessed people, so IM me!  
**


	21. The Dance

**Why is it that I always tend to have to worst days on the planet whenever I get around to writing this?**

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* * *

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_Inside my mouth I can hear all the voices say,  
"Do not lean over the ledge"  
I shouldn't look down and I shouldn't have found  
That your lips I still taste in my head._

-The Dance, Charlotte Martin

* * *

**BPOV**

_Step, ball change, step, pivot, pivot, shase, shase, step, kick_. I chanted the combination to myself as we danced through the gray streets, the cold wintry air. High-heeled character shoes were not exactly helping most of the girls on the team and their moods, but I was ecstatic: I'd never been in a parade before. This was the dance team's first year at the Christmas march, so I had never done this before. I just remember when I was a little girl, respecting and admiring the other people in the parade, wishing so desperately that I was one of the girls waltzing by wearing Santa caps and black pants. Now that I was finally one of those people, I was sporting a genuine smile now as I danced, making eye contact with members of the crowd and putting enthusiasm into my movements.

I was having a pretty good time until we reached the end of the march route. _Posse, step, step, drag, step, ball change…_I was placed in the front of the formation, next to Jesslyn, and in front of a thin, ginger-haired girl named Katie Jenkins, who kept making obvious mess-up sounds. "Agh!" she'd sigh, and then I'd hear her heels scrape for a moment against the cement before rejoining the synchronized shuffles of the rest of the team. We rounded the corner from Spirit Road to Lion Street, and, unlike the rest of the team, I still had my liveliness. I mean, we'd already been dancing for two miles, so I couldn't really blame them for wanting to slack off, but Lion Street was where most of the viewers stood. As we danced, I made eye contact with each person.

A brown pair of eyes, then a blue pair, hazel, another brown, dull blue… and an astonishing shade of green. The green eyes had me entranced, as I was sure they were the same exact eyes that had been haunting my dreams for years. I took in the face around the eyes. His features were exactly as I remembered: strong jawline, pale, and a mop of messy auburn hair that fell into his eyes. He met my gaze evenly, and I became overwhelmed.

I stopped dancing completely, and Katie, the girl behind me, kept on moving, spinning and kicking. Her hard shoe came in contact with my skull, and next thing I knew, I was on the ground, in the middle of the road. Katie stopped, jumped back and yelled, "OhmiGod! Bella! I'm so sorry, are you okay? Why'd you stop? Did I hurt you? Did I leave a bruise? OhmiGod!"

I heard Jesslyn call the rest of the team to a halt. Oh, fantastic, the whole parade stopped because of me. I tried to feel my head from the inside, without moving my arms, which were sprawled out on the asphalt from the impact of Katie's foot. Apparently, she had been kicking at the exact time I stopped traveling, and – oh, great, I could feel a bruise forming, just above my left eye.

I groaned.

"Bella? Bella!" a melodic, dulcet voice said, sounding as though they were standing right in front of me.

Damn. Edward.

I looked up, and saw that there were many faces looming above me. Most of the dance team, a few bystanders, and Jasper Whitlock were standing, crowded around me with concerned looks on their faces. Then, looking to either side of me, I saw that Jesslyn and Edward Cullen were crouching right next to me.

Ungh. Fabulous.

"Edward, this is all your fault," Jesslyn said, looking over me to glare at Edward.

"My fault?" argued Edward. "I was standing practically on the other side of the road!"

For some reason, this brought back a sense of déjà vu. I tried to place it, but the only information my mind came up with was Alice pushing away a crowd with odd arm gestures.

"Yes, but if you hadn't –" Jesslyn began, but Edward cut her off.

"Let's just help Bella get up, okay?"

I saw Jesslyn nod, and they both stood, peering down at me. Then Edward offered out his hand to me.

I really didn't want to take it, because I didn't know exactly how I would react. But I did know that I really wanted to get up off the concrete, and the thought of getting up by myself didn't even enter my brain. So I reached up and grabbed Edward's hand, scrambling to my feet.

I knew it was a bad idea. The electricity that shot through my body each time Edward and I touched apparently had not dispersed, as the fire came and shocked me once again, inflaming my veins. My stomach flipped, and abruptly I was on my feet, a little dizzy, but vertical. But of course, the dizziness might have been caused by the fact that my chest was pressed up right against Edward's, my face mere inches from his.

And I didn't know what came over me – being smacked on the head, perhaps – but suddenly my lips were on his and, for a moment, everything was perfect. There was no one around us, just me and him; no parents were holding us back, we were legal adults now; I was not going to regret his later, because this moment would never end.

But of course it did.

I pulled my face away from his, flushing in mortification.

"Shit," I mumbled, tugging my hand out of his. And I didn't care that I was supposed to continue on with the parade; I just took off running, back down Spirit Road.

I was cursing myself. How could I have been so stupid? I was forbidden. But who was Charlie, to banish me from the one I loved? If it wasn't for my father, everything might have been different. Edward and I would have been together, perfectly happy. We could have been the ideal couple, the pair that every girl would have been jealous of, the romance that put Romeo and Juliet to shame. We had been together for so short a time, but everything had been so surreal, so absolutely perfect, during that time. But instead, we became two of the most avoided people in school for weeks. I could still hear the voices of my classmates in my head… _What's wrong with Cullen? He's usually so much more confident; The Chief's daughter looks really depressed, I wonder what happened; Bella's so spaced-out these days, and she was always so sensible; Edward doesn't talk to his sister anymore, or Jasper Whitlock. What's the problem? Swan looks like a zombie. Of course, she's always been pale, but now she looks sickly and pasty; Edward looks like he's going to kill me if I talk about Bella Swan did in Gym today; Maybe I should stay away from her, she looks like bad news to me…_ That was just how things were for a few months after Edward and I couldn't converse with each other.

And now I was running away from him, from everyone, hurrying away from what I knew would come. And I knew someone would follow me – how could I not be hard to spot? Dressed in a scanty Santa's-little-elf outfit, people would surely wonder why I wasn't in the parade still. I sighed, and tried to run faster, but my high heels weren't very ideal for running. They clattered against the street noisily, daring me to lose my footing.

But of course he was behind me.

"Bella!" Edward called. I sped up. He was coming closer now; I could hear his footsteps a few yards behind me. I went from a jog to a run, anything to get me away from talking to him. I couldn't do this now.

"Bella, wait!" His voice sounded distant, as though he'd stopped trying to catch up with me. I didn't pause, but I did slow down my run, but only slightly. I hoped he didn't notice.

And then his footsteps were sprinting towards me, and his hand grabbed my wrist and spun me around.

"Bella."

I didn't making eye contact with him, although I could feel his gaze burning onto my face. Instead, I fiddled with his hand on my wrist, trying to pry his fingers loose. It wasn't like he was hurting me, but I just couldn't deal with being this near to him again.

"I can't handle this right now, Edward," I said weakly. "I'm sorry about back there, I just –" What was I going to say? _I just couldn't help myself_ sounded somewhat stalker-ish, and _I just wanted to see if the way your lips felt now was the same as I remember them to _seemed like I'd spent the last three years obsessing over him. Which is something that I did not do – just because I had in the beginning didn't mean that I hadn't moved on, eventually.

"I know, Bella," Edward placated. "Trust me, I know."

How in the world could he know? A burst of anger and exasperation suddenly flooded through my body. "How in the world would you that Edward?" I demanded. "Do you have any idea how long you preoccupied my mind after all that _shit_ that happened at that lake? Do you know how many months your sister had to come to my house and watch me, just to make sure I didn't do anything stupid, like throw myself off a cliff – or worse, actually go and _see_ you? And who exactly do you think you are, to come now and live with my best friend's boyfriend? At _my_ college? Do you really think that you can just enter my life all over again like nothing happened between us at all?" The questions just seemed to tumble out of my mouth without any room to answer them. Edward just watched me as I completely broke down with an agonized expression. I growled in frustration, using the hand that was not enclosed in Edward's palm to stroke his face. I decided to take a different approach, softening my voice. "Do you not feel this? This – this _fire_ that flows through my body every time I touch you? Do you feel it as much as I do? Can you hear the sound of my heartbeat? It's like it's trying to jump out of my chest to you. Well you know what, Edward? I'm keeping my heart locked down. Did nothing matter to you at all after we couldn't speak anymore?"

"Bella, love, know that I –" Edward began, but I cut him off. My voice rose to a yell once again, and I ripped my wrist out of his grip.

"Ugh! _Damn_ it! Edward, just shut up! _You don't know anything!_ Look, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for drawing your name of that hat in the eleventh grade, I'm sorry for being your best friend, I'm sorry for sending you that first letter, I'm sorry for meeting you at that lake. I'm sorry," I said, raising my voice even louder, as I could tell Edward was about to protest, " for enjoying that one night we had together, I'm sorry for getting the both of us in trouble. I'm sorry for giving my whole damn _life_ to you, Edward, I'm sorry for thinking that you cared, I'm sorry for being the _one girl_ that actually _loved_ you. Okay? Are you happy now, Edward? And I don't want to hear what you have to say, or hear your apologies. I just want to go home."

Edward took in a shuddering breath. "Bella," he whispered. "Bella, I'm _so_ sorry."

"Save it," I said acidly. I felt my eyes well up with tears, but I forced them back down as I growled, "I apologize for being the girl that had the nerve to adore you."

And then I spun around, running back to the apartment. Now tears were pouring down my face, ruining the makeup Jesslyn had so carefully applied. My body was so cold that my whole frame was quivering… but maybe what was really so cold was my heart.

* * *

**EPOV**

I watched her run away from me, her dark curls bouncing, shoes clopping. I wished I could call her back, but I knew what she really needed was time and space. All this must be very hard for her, what with me returning, and then her insane reaction to seeing me.

_I apologize for being the girl who had the nerve to adore you, _she'd said. Too bad she hadn't let me explain how broken up I felt inside after we couldn't speak, because if she did, she might have even let the rest of my words strike a cord. How much I'd _loathed _Esme, how I wouldn't answer a question for weeks without being addressed directly… I had been so caught up in my melancholy that people wouldn't look me in the eyes for a few months, afraid that if they looked at me for too long, they'd get the same dead, hollow look in their eyes as the kind that lurked in mine. Towards the end of senior year, I had gotten better; I had to get new friends, because Jasper was always with Alice, who was always with Bella. I hung out with some guys on the varsity football team at school, and when I was at home, I locked myself up in my room with a keyboard and my music, just so I could avoid my sister.

Now, watching Bella's slinky little holiday dress spring behind her as she ran, all her words made perfect sense to me. Of course Bella would blame me. Who else was there to blame? But to see her collapse like that was something that _tormented_ me.

_Well you know what, Edward? I'm keeping my heart locked down. _Funny, how when Bella said this to me, the whole world just stopped spinning completely.

"Edward?" Jasper's voice carried around a cluster of bare trees, echoing off the empty street. His body came in to view, and he jogged towards me, clapping a hand on my shoulder. "There you are, man." He looked around. "Where'd Bella go?"

"Back to her apartment," I said, looking in the direction that Bella had run off to. "Er, she, um, wasn't feeling well. She, erm, she said she needed some ice for her head, you know."

"Oh," said Jasper, looking down. I thought I saw a blush creeping up his cheeks, but I couldn't be sure.

"What?" I asked, eyeing the pool of blood slithering into his face.

"Oh, nothing. It's just that, well, Jess and I were kind of hoping that you two would have made up, after, well, you know…" He trailed off.

"After she kissed me," I finished for him.

"Well, yeah."

I laughed humorlessly. "Don't worry about us, Jasper. I'm sure Bella will be feeling better by tomorrow."

"I sure hope so," said Jasper, "because you guys have some classes together."

"What? How do you know?" I demanded.

"Well, all the other classes are full. I'm on student council, I know these things." He puffed out his chest proudly.

"So? I'm just one student, aren't I? What's one student going to do?"

"I know, man," said Jasper. "But, really, nothing too bad'll happen, right? It's not going to be really awkward or anything between you guys, will it? Because if Bella has the guts to _kiss_ you, man, you're sure gonna be fine in a few classes, right?"

Not right. "Right," I agreed.

"Yeah, well, the parade's over now," continued Jasper, not noticing my lie. "The dance team was at the very end, so there was only one float left, and that was the Volunteer Committee."

"Yeah, that's great," I said, preoccupied. I was staring at the same boy that had given me the antagonistic glare during the parade, the tall, dark-skinned boy on the football team. He was walking in the same direction that Bella had just disappeared into, and I was sure he didn't live in one of the complexes.

_I'm keeping my heart locked down_, she said. Well, I was certainly going to make sure that I was going to be the first one to crack it.

* * *

**A/N: I made a huge plot mistake in the last chapter. Can anyone find what it is? Well, if you don't feel like it, then don't. But it's not very conspicuous, so don't waste your time hunting it down if you don't want to. And I really don't encourage you to.**

**Beta Note: I swear to God, I'll virtually smack her if she doesn't get Edward and Bella back together soon. :)  
Claireee I lurve you and all but this is getting too, well, too nerve racking! **

**Review you..you....damn. Can't think of a word! Oh well. Just review!  
**

**A/N: Song- Love Lockdown, Kayne West; Cold As You, Taylor Swift**

**Conversation of the week: (CLC)**

**Heath: New Mexico has a good swimming program...  
Lacey: What?  
Heath: Because they have to swim over the border to come to America....  
Lacey: Heath, theres no ocean between Mexico and America... and New Mexico is a state.  
Heath: Troung! You're so stupid!**


	22. White Horse

_**I just wasted ten seconds of your life.**_

**-Crayons Can Melt On Us For All I Care, Relient K**

**Disclaimer: (wow, I haven't done one of these in a long time) Stephenie Meyer's. Yeah, I went there. EAT THAT.**

**...?**

* * *

_I am not a princess, __this ain't a fairy tale  
I'm not the one to sweep off her feet,  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down  
Now it too late for you and your white horse to come around_  
-White Horse, Taylor Swift

* * *

**BPOV**

There was a knock on the door.

"Bells? Can I come in?" Jacob asked, his voice muffled.

"No," I grumbled. "Go away."

"Bella?"

"Go away, Jake. I'm not in the mood."

"Aw, Bells, come on. The parade was fun!"

There was a click of the latch as Jake let himself into the apartment. I didn't look up from my position to see the shock on his face once he saw me on the floor, curled up into a ball, with tear streaks on my cheeks. I had been in this position for about five minutes, realizing how bitchy I had been to Edward earlier and having an argument with myself in my head.

What did he do to me?

_He hurt you._

So? He couldn't help that!

_You both could have still seen each other. Real love breaks _all_ the rules._

I guess we didn't have any real love, then.

_Quit! Edward was the only person you've ever cared for so much._

Yes, because Edward is so absolutely perfect, any girl would care for him like that. He's really valuable to anyone. Being so romantic, sweet, compassionate, dazzling, thoughtful…

_Listen to you! How could you _not_ love him?_

How could anyone describe him differently?

"Bella?" I felt Jacob slide down next to me, interrupting my reverie. I buried my face even deeper into the feathered collar of my dress, hiding the tears. "Is this more PMS?" he demanded. "Because Little Miss Pixie on the cheerleading squad was being _really –_"

I cut him off by groaning, "Jacob!" and we sat in silence for a moment.

"Sorry," Jake apologized.

I didn't answer. I was wondering what Edward would have said, if I had given the chance to explain. Probably just a lot of lies.

_You'll never know unless you ask him._

But I don't want to ask him! Any communication with him whatsoever will be disastrous!

_Why are you being so negative today? _

Most people would be slightly cynical when their ex-best friend-boyfriend just happened to enter their life again.

_And your point is…?_

Why are you even here anyway? Why didn't I have such a reasonable voice in my head whenever I was drunk, and dancing on top of tables to Journey?

_That's not my decision._

But before all this, my life was perfect. Perfect best friends, perfect classes, perfect everything. I could live my life in peace, without thinking about him.

_You were only really "together" for one day._

But we were best friends for so much longer. And anyway, when he came that one night he told me to move on. So I did.

"Bells, you've got to answer me."

"Huh?" My head snapped up, and I regretted it instantly.

"Bella!" Jacob gasped. "What _happened_ to you?"

"Nothing," I said. "Just – just drama."

Jacob nudged my shoulder, looking pointedly at my tear-sodden face. "Tell me."

"You wouldn't care."

"Yes," he contradicted, "I would."

"It's kind of a long story," I sighed.

"I've got time."

"And it's kind of complicated, too," I added.

"I think I can keep up," said Jacob stubbornly.

I certainly wasn't going to tell Jake the whole thing, so I cut it all short into one, simple, sweet sentence. "My – um – my pen pal is coming."

"That's not so difficult."

"He's also the ex-boyfriend that I haven't seen or heard about for years because I was forbidden to even _breathe_ in the same building he was in."

"That's still not complicated," pointed out Jacob. "He's just coming visit?"

"Not exactly," I said. "He's coming to take classes here. He's rooming with Jasper Hale."

A strange look crossed Jake's face. "Is this guy friends with Emmett, too?" he asked.

"Yes, I think so," I answered cautiously.

"Huh."

I stared at him for a minute, but Jake never explained.

"Anyway…" I trailed slowly.

"Wait," Jacob said, "Why were you forbidden to see each other?"

"That part's not a big deal." I didn't really want to get into details.

"Well, can I see some of your letters then?"

"Nope, sorry," I said apathetically.

"Why not?"

"I burned them all."

"Oh." Jacob blinked. "Why in hell would you do that, Bella?"

I shrugged. "I wasn't in a great mood."

"I figured that out all by myself."

I laughed. It sounded weak to my own ears, vulnerable and bitter at the same time. Jacob scrutinized my face, and I looked down, watching the white feathers float and drift in the wind along the floor. I reached up to feel my forehead, pressing my fingers to the tender spot where Katie had kicked me. It didn't hurt anymore – at the moment, at least, because I was sure I was going to have an enormous headache tomorrow morning – but I knew that it should. Ungh. That was all Edward's fault, too.

_Why do you blame everything on him?_

Why not? Want me to blame it on _you_? Besides, I'm pretty sure that you're only in my brain because I got kicked in the head. On normal circumstances, I wouldn't be having a conversation with my mind.

_These are difficult times, Bella._

Oh, good one. Since when did the voices in my head start talking like Spiderman?

_Since now. _

_And you know that you don't really want to talk to Jacob._

Well, I don't think talking to Alice will be such a great idea…

_Not Alice!_

Rosalie? Jesslyn?

_No!_

Oh! I get it. You want me to talk to _Katie._ Yeah, I probably should go and apologize to her…

_Stop that! I know you know who I mean._

I don't want to talk to Edward. You aren't my conscience, and I'm not going to listen to you.

_What is Jacob going to do to help you?_

"Bella, you'll get over it," said Jacob. He patted my shoulder sympathetically. "It wasn't like you two were _in love_ or anything, right?"

He chuckled, but I didn't. I looked away, not answering.

Jake misread my silence. "Don't worry about it, Bells!" he smiled. "Look, let's go get ourselves a hamburger down at Harry's, okay? Just like old times. Just because this dude's back doesn't mean that our friendship has to break, does it?"

"I guess not," I consented, allowing Jacob to beam at me and haul me to my feet. He dried off my tears with his big hand and led me to the front door, where I hesitated.

"I don't know…" I fretted. "What if Alice comes back? She should be back by now, the cheerleaders were almost right after the football team, right?"

"Sure." Jacob squinted like he was trying to do a challenging math problem. "This guy… does he have really messy reddish hair, and is really pale?"

"Yes," I responded laconically.

"Huh," Jacob said again. Then he snorted. "Well, let's get going, Bells. We should get there before the post-parade crowd does."

We walked out the door, but I couldn't shake off that feeling, like I was being watched.

* * *

**EPOV**

"What are you staring at, Edward?" asked Jasper, peering in the direction I was staring into.

"Oh, nothing," I said.

Jasper shrugged, and then his cell phone vibrated.

"Text from Alice," he explained. "She wants to meet us at Harry's."

"Harry's?"

"It's a burger place, just around the corner."

"Oh." I looked down, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "Do you reckon Alice has heard about Bella yet?"

Jasper thought for a minute, closing his phone. "That depends on who she's with," he consented.

I nodded in agreement, and Jasper gestured for me to follow him as he set off toward the center of campus.

When we arrived at the small restaurant, we found Alice sitting between Rosalie and Jesslyn, with an exasperated look on her elfin features and her arms crossed. Jesslyn sent me an apologetic look, and Rosalie suddenly seemed entirely engrossed in her menu. Jasper and I pulled up chairs to their table, and we all just looked at each other for a while.

"Edward, this is all your fault!" Alice screeched abruptly.

My eyebrows pulled together angrily. "_My_ fault? What did _I_ do?"

"You had to come here, to screw up our life! Bella and I were perfectly fine without you!"

Ouch. It was quiet for a moment.

"Well, I'm glad Edward came here," said Rosalie.

"Yeah," contributed Jesslyn. "Me, too. It was getting really annoying having to dodge saying your name, Edward."

I glanced at Jasper for an explanation, but he just shook his head. The bell on the door pealed, and then the big guy on the football team walked in.

He turned around to talk to someone who was standing just out of eye-shot. "…Come on, you can't live in a shell forever."

A small voice tried feebly to defend herself, mumbling so I couldn't understand her.

"…Bella, really, how likely is it…"

The voice shushed the boy.

Jesslyn gasped and called, "Jacob! Bella!" and gestured for them to join us.

Bella. I didn't know how she was going to react to seeing me again, after she had just blown up and collapsed in front of me. "I, um, I have to go to the bathroom…" I mumbled, but Alice glared at me, a look that plainly said _stay where you are, or die._ I gulped loudly as Jacob and Bella made their way through the other tables. When Bella and I made eye contact, her face flushed a bright red, either in embarrassment or anger, and I immediately looked away.

"Hey, folks," said the boy, Jacob, as he yanked two chairs out of a neighboring table and slid them between me and Jasper.

Jacob flopped himself down in the one beside me, leaving Bella to take the seat next to Jasper.

"So," Jacob said, turning to smirk spitefully at me, "I've heard you're the new kid."

"Jake…" Bella warned him weakly, but he ignored her.

"I am," I said, trying to keep the rudeness out of my tone. The whole table was listening to us, but none of their faces showed it. Except for Bella, who was staring at us in anxiety, everyone was examining their menus in silence.

"I've also heard that you and Bella had a nice little fling a while back."

"Possibly," I answered offhandedly.

"Why'd you come back?"

"Because Washington has an excellent curriculum." Obviously. Was he thinking I came back for Bella? Pfft, who could possibly think that?

Jacob lowered his voice. Everyone could still hear, but he made his tone much more serious. "Do you know why Bella was a mess after she returned from the parade?"

"Yes."

"Tell me."

"No."

Jacob inched his face close to mine, and his voice was now so low that I had to strain to hear it. "If you take my Bella away from me, I will break you. Got that?"

"Yes," I said, my tone even. I wasn't scared of him, and I knew this was all talk.

"Jacob," I heard Bella say, but I didn't break eye contact with Jacob to look at her, "there's really no need for all of this."

Jacob turned to look at her. "Of course there is."

"No, honestly. I just got hit in the head at the parade. It's nothing new, really."

Jacob frowned. "That's not what you said earlier."

"Well, forget what I said earlier, Jake!"

"I didn't mean for my coming to cause trouble…" I began, but Bella glared at me.

"Edward, shut up!"

I held up my hands palms forward, as if in surrender. Alice huffed and rolled her eyes, but Bella glowered at me around Jacob just as I did to her.

"Why are you here anyway?" demanded Jacob.

"I told you already," I said. "Washington has great courses, and it would be foolish to waste the opportunity."

"Yeah, Edward, why are you here?" shouted Bella suddenly, her voice three octaves higher than usual. "Why do you think you can just come back?"

I blinked, and didn't say anything. The whole table was silent, watching Bella and I bicker.

"What about that one time, when you snuck into my house, hmm? In senior year, after we were forbidden."

I stared at her. "What about it?"

"You told me that was the last time, and it wasn't. Isn't."

"And you told me that you wouldn't forget me. And you did."

"You promised we would still see each other, even after everything. You said that our parents couldn't keep us apart. And they did."

"And you swore that pulling off a 'Romeo and Juliet' romance would be easy. It wasn't!"

"You said that if I tried sneaking through your back door that I wouldn't get caught! And I did!"

We were both yelling now. The whole restaurant was observing us now, and the sound of our voices bounced off the soundless walls.

"You said that I would be the only one for you! I wasn't!"

"Edward, you said the same thing!"

"You promised that you would keep those letters. I know you burned every single one of them, Bella!"

"You swore you would always be there for me if I needed you. Even if we were just friends at the time, it was a swear, Edward!"

"You said you'd always remember the night we fell in love. And you forgot, I know you did! You forgot _everything_, Bella, everything!"

A single tear ran down Bella's cheek. "You told me to move on. But move where, Edward? _Move where?_"

"You said you loved me, Bella. You didn't. You don't."

"Edward," Bella choked. "I – can't. I won't."

I'd had enough of this. I stood up, walked over to Bella and grabbed her hand.

Jacob made to stand up, making a growling sound, but I walked straight past him, Bella in tow.

"Edward! Where are you taking me? I _demand_ you let me go!"

"No," I said stubbornly, opening the door to the restaurant and into the frosty air. "If you're not going to remember, I'm going to refresh your memory for you."

And I tugged her straight for Jasper's apartment, room number 284.

* * *

**Author's Note: This is early. I would usually be updating, like, three days from now. I'm on a roll -- and I kept my Beta awake. I'M SO SORRY!**

**Beta Note: Yay! Edward's going to knock some sense into Bella! Woo! -cheers- ****Reviews will be the best gift you can ever giver Claire. Do it. ****Review...or I'll have Edward come and eat you...although, that might be the best way to die, by Edward Cullen! :D ****Although, his mouth...is it even clean? What the hell?? I'm still typing? God, I need a life..XD**

**A/N: I was totally going to say something but I forgot what it was....**

**Something about turtles, maybe? Gah, I forgot. OH YEAH I wanted to give a shout-out to Emily, who is reading this to tourture herself, I'm sure. Then she lies to me on Facebook about how it's good. So, Bah to Emily. ****OMG I just came back from a [petting] zoo!! It was so unexciting, I was probably about to die of boredom! Whoo! Actually, it was just Zoolight Safari, where they decorate the zoo with tons of lights and stuff. But it smelled awful, so I texted Megan the whole time.**

**...Do goats say 'bah'?**

**Review!**

**Song: Rinse, Vanessa Carlton**


	23. A Twist In My Story

**Yay! Sometimes I forget that the past three chapters have all been in the same day. Maybe I'm just stupid. So, I promised Mariah I'd dedicate this chapter to her, because she helped me with a word that I couldn't get. **

**So, dedicated to Rebal Child ; and huge huge HUGE thanks to Leah! **

* * *

_The whispers turn to shouting  
The shouting turns to tears  
Your tears turn into laughter  
And it takes away our fears_  
-A Twist In My Story, Secondhand Serenade

* * *

**BPOV**

"Edward, let go of me!" I struggled against his grip fruitlessly.

He ignored my resistance as he dragged me around campus quickly. We were practically running. I wondered how we looked to the passersby – a girl in an elf costume being pulled by the wrist by a boy with a very agitated and furious expression; people probably thought I was in an abusive relationship. I could have laughed at how ridiculous that thought was.

"Where are you taking me?" My request was sharp, a demand, but Edward ignored that, too. Instead, he just let go of my wrist, moving his hands to grasp the top of my arms like a child. He was unresponsive while I kicked and thrashed against him.

"_Let go!"_ I snarled. Edward rounded a corner, cutting through a grassy area, and hauled me up a flight of stone steps that led into a tall, gray set of apartments. "I don't _want_ my memory to be 'refreshed'! Just let me go!"

He didn't answer, but his already cross expression hardened into his perfect, smooth features. The look threw me off, briefly: it was the same face he had worn once in freshman year of high school, when Alice and I had pulled our first prank on him. But that was when my life was normal, uncomplicated, even for high school. Now, even though I had only known Edward was returning a few days ago, everything seemed so dramatic.

Maybe my life was just backwards, I mused as Edward lumbered me through the lobby and to the elevators. Maybe the drama that didn't happen to me in middle school and high school were coming back to get me now, even though college was supposed to be free of all that. But I didn't _want_ drama. I didn't want a love triangle, like I'd read in books, and I didn't want my best friend to diss me behind my back, but I most certainly did not want to get involved in any way with my ex-lover. That I was sure of, and, I decided, no matter what happens from now on, I would not allow myself to love Edward Cullen again. Friends, sure, we could try that, I'd live, I was sure – or I hoped. But to _love_ him again, and to have what happened before repeat itself… I was sure I couldn't handle that. I wasn't a masochist. I knew that I would only hurt myself if I loved him again, and I already done enough damage, just in one day. Damage like kissing him in front of a fairly large crowd during a parade, yelling at him in a restaurant, and allowing him to haul me to God-knows-where in Jasper Hale's apartment complex. Well, I guess it was Edward's now, too, but that was absolutely irrelevant. It had nothing to do with my deliberations whatsoever; I harrumphed out loud, and Edward towed me down a long, carpeted hallway.

When we reached the bleak door of his apartment, he grabbed my wrist again so he could dig around in his pocket for his room key. Once he had done that, he lugged me down the hallway into a red room at the end I had never been in before – Jasper's guest room. Alice had been working on it over the weekend, but I hadn't ever seen what it looked like. My feet made irregular thuds against the carpet as Edward dragged me forward heatedly, quickly. I opened my mouth, about to order him to release me again, but then Edward let me go, pointing to his bed.

"Sit," he commanded. I did, and the bed creaked under my weight. Edward had clearly _just _arrived – the room had that stale, stagnant air to it, as though no one ever used it, and his suitcase lay precariously on its side in the middle of the floor, like Edward had thrown it there. The crimson walls still smelled like fresh paint, and the scent tickled my nose. There was one solitary window in the corner, covered by white blinds.

Edward was rummaging through his suitcase with an aggravated, intense face, like he was concentrating very hard on something. If the situation wasn't so awkward, I would have teased him about it. _Don't hurt yourself thinking too much, Edward,_ I would have said. But that would have been something I would have said when we were teenagers… when we were best friends. Funny, how one night seemed to have changed everything.

Edward threw the contents of his suitcase behind his back as he searched on the floor. A red shirt, a white tennis shoe, a random bag filled with what looked like crayons, and a pair of khaki pants zoomed by me and the bed, into a pile on the floor. I didn't worry about anything hitting me until something brown, hole-y, and oval-shaped whizzed by my head and crashed into the wall. Closer examination showed me it was a Mr. Potato Head.

Finally, Edward seemed to have found what he was looking for.

"Do you see this, Bella?" he asked, brandishing a red shoebox in front of my face. "Do you know what's in here?" He shook the box, and a hollow rattling came from within.

Since he seemed to be waiting for me to answer, I said, "No, I don't know what's in there." My voice sounded dead, detached. I would try not to let my emotions control my actions this time.

Edward smirked, a bitter, humorless lopsided smile. "It's time you took at trip down Memory Lane. Would you like to walk by yourself, or shall I accompany you?"

I flinched away from his sharp tone, scowling as a reflex action to the sound. "Whichever you prefer." I was curious as to what was in the box.

He threw the box at me, and it landed in my lap with a drumming _thud_. I looked at Edward; he was measuring my reactions carefully with unfathomable eyes. I opened the shoebox carefully. Inside were many folded-up sheets of paper: letters. I picked up the first one.

_Quite Clumsy, _it read.

_I appreciate you sharing that with me. Actually, I know what you're talking about. My girlfriend is really getting on my nerves. That really bugs me: is there really true love in this world? Everyone is getting divorced or breaking up left and right... It seems like true love only exists in cheesy movies or romance novels. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, we need a lighter topic. _

_How about: what is your favorite type of music? Band, genre, whatever. Pick one. Send me back, I'm seriously about to be bored out of my mind!_

_Sincerely, _

_Insane of Mind._

Quite Clumsy and Insane of Mind, the old pen names that Edward and I had used. Amusing, isn't it, how one school project altered everything so entirely? Without it, I wouldn't have become friends with Edward. Without it, my heart wouldn't have had to be put together again, piece by piece.

I ran my fingers along the indents gingerly, think back to how old they were. These papers were, what, almost four years old? They seemed older. I looked into the box, examining the other papers. Some of the other letters were torn, and some of them had smeared words, like they'd been damaged by water.

I picked up the next letter. There seemed to be no particular order of the letters – none of them made sense together.

The next one was clearly from me.

_Dear Insane of Mind,_

_Thanks, but it honestly was just a sketch. I just felt like I needed you to see it. You see, absolutely no one on this planet knows I can draw, except for you. I think my mother might guess, but she hasn't said anything for seventeen years, so…_

_I appreciate you for wanting to defend me with my boyfriend, and yes, we are over. The break-up was unexpected, and only a handful of my close friends know the details. But, as it turns out, I have a revenge plan. But the minutiae of the separation I won't share with you, as I do not want you to guess who I am. _

_What about you? I thought you were planning on breaking up with your girlfriend? Again, if that's personal, please don't feel obligated to answer._

_Sincerely,_

_Quite Clumsy._

This was talking about when I sent him (though I didn't know it was him at the time) that picture of the lake. I could clearly remember drawing it: the rain, the cloudy sky, the trees, and especially the irritation on how my pencil kept breaking. I laughed out loud at the memory.

I sobered quickly, opening the next letter.

_Quite Clumsy,_

_I have not broken up with my girlfriend, though I know I should._

_You see, I love someone else now. Not that I ever _loved_ my girlfriend in the first place, it was merely an infatuation. _

_As I write this, it's almost midnight. If you get this before the morning it'll be a miracle, but I feel obligated to tell you what I'm about to say. I can't tell my sister, as she's so preoccupied with something unknown that no one can get a straight answer from her at all, and I know you won't tell anyone, so..._

_But recent tragedy with a close friend of mine really made me think. _

_If you repeat this to anyone, I'll joyfully kill you in your sleep, but I'm going to burst if I keep it in any longer._

_I think I'm in love with Bella Swan._

_Insane of Mind_

This letter was the only one that I could actually remember, word for word. This was one of the last letters we ever sent to each other as Quite Clumsy and Insane of Mind, if not the last. The last note that was written without each other's knowledge of who we really were. This note came the same night that Mike Newton had assaulted me, and I remembered walking into my room after a three-hour long shower and found the letter sitting on my desk. It was the letter that ultimately changed everything. I felt the traitor tears prick my eyes, and I suddenly felt extremely vulnerable.

I glanced at Edward for a brief moment, but the look was so short that I didn't really see him. It was just a flash.

"Why did you keep these?" I found myself whispering. I looked down at the box in my lap, not looking up to see if his face was still impassive. But I could feel his eyes on my face as he answered, and his tone did not sound harsh or guarded. Instead, it sounded defenseless, weak, and faint.

"I have reasons."

I stared up at Edward then, looking to see if his expression was still angry, or unreadable. I was taken aback by the face. He was suddenly gazing at me with a look that I had seen only twice on face before, but at those times, I could never name it. It was a look that was glowed, expressing yearning, passion, and anguish. I knew exactly what to call it, but even in my own head, I didn't want to admit it.

I cleared my though to make my voice sound much more confident than I really felt. "Would you tell me?"

His answer was quick, sharp, and curt. "No."

I cringed away from his tone. I wasn't used to this terse Edward. If he was always like this, then there would be no motivation for me to even be _friends_ with him, and forget about anything more.

"Yes." I stood up from the bed, setting the box on the bed, so I could poke Edward in his chest. It kind of hurt my finger. "You will."

Edward stared me down, the look in his eye still glowing, even under the hard, cold cover he tried to hide in. "And how would someone like _you _make me?"

"Listen, buddy," I growled, poking him in the chest again. He took a step back, and I followed him. "If you think this is _easy_ for me to be in _your _room, by _your_ force, reading the letters that _you_ were stupid enough to keep, then you're wrong." _Poke._ "If you thought that it was easy to tell you how everything was after you left, then you were wrong." _Poke._ "If you thought that after reading all these _stupid_ letters from _high school_ would make everything oh-so-dandy, then you're _wrong!_" I poked him one last time, and found myself breathing hard with fervor. I didn't fail to notice that our noses were merely inches apart, and I was standing on my tiptoes to see eye-to-eye with Edward. I took a step back, and my hand that had been poking him fell limply to rest on my thigh.

He stared at me while I regained my composure in silence.

"There was no point in this meeting," I said, heading to his door. "And I'm leaving."

I had one hand on the handle of the door when he spoke, but his voice was so feeble I barely heard him.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

I took my hand off the door handle and stood there for a minute. Then I took a small step towards him. "What?"

"I said I'm sorry," he said, a little louder.

I was quiet for a moment. "For what?"

"For being such a jerk to you earlier. For acting so mean to you." His mutters sounded somewhat lame, but I understood his meanings.

"You're forgiven," I allowed, "if you tell me if there was a point in showing me the letters."

"Yes."

"Yes, there was a point in show me the letters?"

"Yes, there was a point in showing you the letters."

I paused, waiting for him to go on. I took a few more steps closer now, and I was practically in the very center of the room.

"Are you going to tell me what that point was?" I asked.

"I'm already forgiven, aren't I? Why do you need to know?"

I took a deep breath so I wouldn't get angry, realizing that poking Edward in the chest had no affect on the situation at all. Wow, I was pathetic.

"Tell me," I commanded evenly.

"You don't want to know," he muttered. I wasn't even sure I was supposed to hear it, but it was clear I wasn't going to get a straight answer from him. I turned on my heel, but didn't move.

Edward blurted out the truth before I could walk away.

"I showed you because I wanted you to remember. I _needed _you to remember."

"Why?"

The word was barely out of my mouth before I knew what was happening. Suddenly my face was in his hands and his lips were on mine, and I felt my knees go weak with emotion. Blistering, burning, scalding, and I didn't want it to end.

* * *

**EPOV**

I couldn't take it any more. She was about to leave, and I had to tell her before she left.

"I showed you because I wanted you to remember. I needed you to remember." That wasn't the real reason I showed her the letters, but that was reason enough for me.

"Why?" she asked, and she whiled around to face me. But before I could stop myself, my body just launched right towards her, and I found myself inhaling her scent, her taste.

I was kissing her, and she was kissing back. I locked my grip around her waist, so she couldn't run away from me. I doubted she would if she could. Her fingers knotted in my hair, and my mouth opened. I slid my leg in between both of hers, and we were intertwined with each other now. I wasn't even the slightest bit surprised at how her body molded into mine – the perfect missing puzzle piece.

We stayed like that for a few moments, but all good moments have to end. With a gasp, Bella extracted herself and looked at me with frightened, panicked eyes.

"I have to go," she said urgently.

"What? Why?"

"I just can't do this, Edward." She ran out into the hallway.

Before she reached the front door of the apartment, I caught up with her, grabbing her hand.

"Stay." I pleaded with her.

"No, Edward, really, I _can't_."

"Why not?"

Bella paused, the door gaping into the jade hallway outside. "I don't want to get hurt again," she whispered, looking into my eyes. Hers were brimming with tears once more.

"Bella, I won't –"

"I'm so sorry," she said. And then she dashed out the door.

-

_Beta'd by BubblyAmericanWriter1_

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm sorry for the horrible descriptions about all things intimate. I've only had one kiss in my life, people. And I'm thirteen, so it's not like I'm an expert or anything. You'll just have to get over that.**

**Beta Note: Oh my God. I swear these evil cliff hangers must DIE. Anyways, review? Please? :)**

**A/N: That was definately not a cliff hanger. I don't think. ****Anyway, like I said before, huge thanks to Leah! I've probably been getting on her nerves a lot lately, haha, so, yeah, thanks, Leah!**

**While I was writing, I was listening mainly to Taylor Swift, and since Brynne was over, she was playing Our Song.**

**Me: Don't play Our Song! It's too happy!**

**Brynne: You want emo, depressing music?**

**Me: Yes!**

**Brynne: Yeah, well, too bad you're not a depressing person, and all the 981 songs on your ipod are preppy.**

**Me: Gah! What has to world come to?!**

**Song: Butterflies and Hurricanes, Muse.**


	24. Here We Go Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters. I own the characters no one cares about. Like Jesslyn, and Thomas Dillard, or all of the other random people. **

**I don't own Ernie Macmillian, nor Michael Phelps. Although, Michael Phelps is a freaking BEAST.**

**...BBBBBEEEEEAAAAASSSSTTTTT.**

_And here we go again  
With all the things we said  
And not a minute spent  
To think that we'd regret  
So we just take it back,  
These words and hold our breath  
Forget the things we swore we meant_  
-Here We Go Again, Paramore

* * *

**BPOV**

I could hear him calling my name from somewhere behind me, but I didn't pause. I sprinted down the thin carpet in the hallway, trying my hardest to get away from Edward. I couldn't deal with this right now. I wished I could just leave my body entirely, and abandon all the thoughts – since, of course, every thought running through my head was about Edward.

I could literally kick myself. I'd already kissed Edward once today, was it really compulsory to do it again? I was losing my mind. First the kiss, then the voices in my head, then the yelling, then more kissing… it was insanity. Maybe I should have been Insane of Mind instead of Edward. The name was so much more fitting for me. I could still feel Edward's lips on mine, still feel his warm body against every line of my own. Before I could stop it, an abrupt sob escaped through my lips and shook my whole body.

That wasn't necessary. I shouldn't be crying all of the sudden over this. I mean, Edward was just a boy. No one else had ever caused me this much pain, never in all my twenty-one years of life. Not Mike, Tyler, Ernie Macmillan, Michael Phelps **(A/N: Sorry! Couldn't help myself…)**, nor Jacob. Just Edward. Solitary, cryptic, cocky, romantic, gorgeous Edward.

I ran to the elevator at the end of the hallway, and jammed my finger on the down button. It wouldn't come up fast enough. I quickly tried to regain my composure, and cut the blubbering, before anyone could see. It wasn't that hard – these were only dry sobs, at the moment. I was sure I was still in shock. That was all.

I was in shock, because I was _attacked!_ Yes, that was it. Edward attacked me with his lips. His ardent, fanatical, scorching, searing, perfect lips. To me, that seemed like a good way to be attacked. Wait, what was I thinking? I hated Edward. I hated how he came into my life again, I hated how he seemed to think that everything would be perfect, I hated how he had enough guts to show me our letters. That was all in the past. It would do nothing for me – for either of us – whatsoever.

With a ding, the elevator doors opened. It was empty, for which I was grateful. I dashed in, and pushed the button for the lobby.

Luckily, Edward and Jasper's room was only on the second floor, so the ride didn't take long. I was agitated just standing in the elevator for six seconds, itching to get out of this annoying costume that I was still wearing and longing to sink into unconsciousness. Half of me wanted to go running back to Edward, but the more rational side reminded me that I hated him.

_Bella, you don't hate Edward, _the aggravating little voice of reason tried to pacify my thoughts.

The elevator doors opened, and I walked as fast as I could to the front doors without attracting attention to myself. Once I was out, I was running again. I ignored the voice – it wasn't really helping things.

_Quit being a pain. I thought you just said you wanted to change and sleep? Why don't you do that, instead of plotting ways to murder Edward Cullen. I know you don't really want to do that._

And how would you know? You're just a maddening voice in my head.

_Bella…_

Go away.

I was rushing across the street now. I didn't even bother to look both ways before I crossed to the other sidewalk. Nothing really mattered much to me right now – except maybe getting the voice to shut up. I ran down the sidewalk mechanically. Mind out of body, but the thoughts didn't leave.

_You're changing your mind like a girl changes clothes._

I change twice a day, thank you.

_Alice?_

Changing outfits seventeen times a day is out of the norm. Quit trying to force me to talk to you.

_I'm not forcing you. I oh-! Look out for the biker!_

I was running so hastily that I almost smacked head-first into someone on a bike. I tripped and skinned my hands on the sidewalk, while the man on the bike zoomed past me, ringing his bell at me in annoyance. I grumbled a few swear words under my breath, meant for the voice in my head as well as the biker.

_Anyway, back to Edward. I know, the way he showed you the letters was tactless, but you could still cut him some slack. It wasn't his fault, in the beginning, that he couldn't see you._

The voice was quiet for a moment, then added, _Actually, I think it's your fault. He actually remembered you after all this time, while you forget everything about him and went partying every night after football games._

That's it. You're gone.

I didn't feel like listening to the voices in my head right now. They weren't improving my mood.

I was so confused… I didn't even know if I was mad, or sad, or dizzy, or what. I was just trying to hold myself together right now. I didn't know if I wanted Edward's taste in my mouth, or if I wanted to brush my teeth for hours and forget it ever happened. Ung. I barely noticed I was running now, wrapped up in my musings as I was.

By the time I could see my apartment complex, I was sweating. And it was December. The feathers on my parade costume stuck to my face uncomfortably, but I didn't know if it was from the little tears that occasionally streaked my face or if it was sweat from my run. I just knew I was glad when I dashed into the lobby, and I was confident Edward hadn't followed me. He would have caught me by now, I was sure. I had tripped a lot – more than usual, due to my high-heeled shoes.

I tried not to think about anything as I scuttled to my apartment. I tried humming a tune in my head, but that didn't stop my mind from wandering back to Edward, and what he was doing now, or what he thought of this situation. But that thought lead to another… What did I even think of this situation?

I didn't even know. Did I want Edward, or did I not? And where did Jacob come in to all of this? I sighed, and by then I was slipping my key into the door and hurrying into the room. I slammed the door behind me and immediately kicked off my shoes, so they landed with a dull thud on the hardwood floor somewhere near the kitchen door. I didn't care.

The rooms were too quiet for Alice to be back, and I didn't bother to wonder where she was. There were far too many places to guess, as Alice went everywhere: once I found her with Thomas Dillard at a Spartan museum. Which was a completely random place to be.

I headed straight for the shower, deciding that the hot water would clear my head. I needed to think straight.

I stripped my clothes as quickly as possible, grateful that I was out of the costume. I had thought it was cute before, but now I wanted to burn it. It was drenched in cold sweat, and it smelled dimly like perspiration, but mostly of Edward's cologne. All the better reason to burn the dress. Then I turned on the water as hot as I could stand it, and stepped in.

The scorching water felt amazing, compared to outside. It loosened my muscles, and I then realized that now I was so much more stressed and tense than I was yesterday. That was definitely Edward's fault. Damn.

The steam did clear my head, but then I wished that I would keep being distracted again. I didn't feel like thinking about my predicament with Edward. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't Edward and I just be friends and talk this out calmly without all the drama and tears? Was it me that kept doing this, or was it him?

Definitely him. I didn't want to admit to myself that I brought most of this on in the first place, though I knew it was true. Filling my mind with lies just seemed like an easier way to get over this. That's what I did in the beginning.

_But look how far _that_ got you!_

That got me very far, thank you. I was able to move on eventually, right?

_Right, but –_

No.

I sighed, and the water beat down on my back so hard my skin on my back was raw. I turned around and sank down to the bottom of the tub, curling up into a ball and putting my head between my legs. The water beat down on my head quickly. I hardly noticed.

Why did Edward have to come now? I had spent four years building up to get to where I was about three days ago.

I tried to think of possibilities of the outcome of this mess. What if Edward and I coolly blew this off, and just stayed friends? I could totally deal with that. Seeing him around campus might not be as hard, and if he was in some of my classes, it wouldn't be so awkward. Hopefully. But that was a best-case scenario. What if we could work around or past and try to have a relationship again? No, that wouldn't work. I didn't want to have to put my heart together again, and I also didn't want to have to sneak around my father's back. Even two hours away from where he lived, Charlie was sure to find out about this. Forks had so little to talk about, and one little word from someone at WU would cause that tiny town to have a field day. But what if Edward and I just kept up what we had now? This kiss-yell-kiss-cry thing we had going on? If this kept up every day, someone might as well wrap me up in a straight jacket and lock me in a mental health cell. For all the good keeping this charade up would be, I could just possibly try keeping a liger under wraps in a broom closet. Keeping things the way it was now was absolutely out of the question.

But classes started again tomorrow. What if he was in one? What if I had to sit by him? How awkward would that be? Would I feel like sliding closer to him, or running away from the room like a bat out of hell? Would I be comfortable, laughing and making jokes? Or would I be completely ill at ease, smiling weakly when I could and too exhausted with my emotions to even speak? And what if he wasn't in any of my classes anyway? How did I feel about that? I didn't know. I couldn't tell if I was pleased or glum about the thought. Did I still like Edward like that, or was I still just looking for friendship? Or less? What if I didn't even want to be friends? What if I just wanted to keep my distance from him, and not get involved with him at all? Would that be just like in the beginning? Passing each other in the halls and making eye contact briefly before looking immediately at the floor right after, entering the cafeteria at the exact moment at opposite ends of the room, pulling up to the school at the same time… I didn't want to have to avoid him like I did before.

What could Charlie do anyway? Why did he think he could tell me what to do if he found out, anyway? Maybe when I was seventeen, but now that I'm twenty, I'm an official legal adult. I would move out if he told me to stay away from someone, friend or more than a friend. But did I really think I could be so cruel? It wasn't like I was the bad guy here. But if it was someone I cared a lot about? Would I have the nerve to move out then? I didn't even know.

And then there was the letters. Why did Edward let me see them? Why did I get the sense he was lying – or at least, not telling the whole truth – when he told me the reason he showed them to me? Did he think that it would strike emotion in me or something? What was he expecting? Did I react as he anticipated? Did I even care if I reacted the way he guessed I would?

And why did I keep blaming everything on him? What could I do to change the way every thing had happened today?

So many questions left unanswered…

And then it hit me. My head shot out from between my knees with a gasp, and the water pelted my face. I didn't care. I scrambled to my feet, a little dizzily, and shut off the water. I dried as quickly as possible, then dashed to my room to change into a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt. I slipped my feet into a pair of topsiders, threw on a swim team sweatshirt that looked uncannily like Jesslyn's, and yanked my car keys off the counter.

I hurried down the hall – not running, but not exactly walking either – down the elevator, and out to the parking deck. I climbed into my old Chevy truck, which was now very, very old, and it roared to life as I jammed the keys into the ignition. I backed out hastily and drove down the road. It was dark now, which seemed unreal to me, as it felt like I had just been running down the sidewalks only a few minutes ago. I glanced at my digital clock in the dashboard: it was fifteen minutes after eight. Perfect.

When I parked in the lot of Jasper and Edward's complex, I began to worry. What he was home? What if the person I wanted wasn't the person to answer? But I didn't ponder it. I scurried through the lobby, up the elevator, to the second floor, down the hallway, and to their door. I knocked, a little out of breath, and the door opened. So far, my plan was flawless. Jasper answered.

"Hey, Bella!" he said when he saw me. He looked surprised to see me, but I could understand why. I wondered what he thought I was doing right now.

"Hey, Jasper, is Edward here?" I asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.

"Um." He looked bewildered. "Why?"

"Just answer the question."

"No, he's out for a run. He'll be gone for a while."

I beamed. "Excellent."

Jasper stared at me in confusion for a long moment. I ignored him.

"Hey, is it okay if I come in really quick and get something?" I asked. "I think I forgot my jacket while I was here earlier."

"Sure." Jasper stepped aside and let me in, ambling back to his place on the couch where he was watching a basketball game.

I walked briskly to the end of the hall, to Edward's room, and saw that he had left it right on the center of his bed. I smiled to myself. This was too easy. Too easy to be considered a "plan" – more like an errand. I took it off the bed and crept back down the hallway, calling, "Thanks, Jasper, I'll see you later!" behind my shoulder.

I closed the door casually behind me. And then I took off running, back towards the truck, with the shoebox of letters tucked underneath my arm.

* * *

**EPOV**

What have I done?!

-

_Beta'd by BubblyAmericanWriter1._

* * *

**A/N: What's the point in author's notes? No one reads them anyway.**

**So I'll drabble on about nothing, because no one will care enough to read it. **

**Okay, so today I had to dance at a basketball game. It was the seventh and eighth grade girls game. Eighth grade - my grade - won by one point against the other team. Seventh grade, however, lost: 2-18. My grade wins everything(: We're all pretty much animals! ANIMALS! And we made fun of Bailey all lunch period about Houston Shirley, her old crush that changed schools. Then Hayden stuck his butt in her face intentionally while we were wiping tables. So we discussed Bailey and her love for blond boys... excluding Austin, of course. Barrett got his foot stuck in the trash can in English, and John Michael and Ty dumped out all the papers that were in the trash to look for one sheet of paper, creating a huge mess. Then Lacey and Alex got told off for throwing magnets, I asked my social studies teacher if he knew the song "If I Were A Boy", and then I screamed "oh my vampire!" real loud when Hayden reminded me that the spelling bee is tomorrow. Ow, my knee hurts. If you're still reading this, you're a freak. I came in fourth in the spelling bee, by the way. **

**Quote of the week: **

**Danny - Shall I darken the sky?**

**PS: Sorry for the late update. I had a basketball game Thursday, practice Friday, then a state competition. **

**B/N: Argh. I had to baby-sit the brat from HELL. If you wanna read all about it, go to my profile and there will be a link to my blog. Click it and read. Too tired to re-type everything. Reviews are extremely nice! **

**Oh, yeah, when I saw the music video for "Without You" by Hinder on TV, I saw Kellan Lutz on there and I screamed/squealed. My mother is still giving me looks...I think I'm going to be ambushed by a straight jacket tonight. I don't know. x]**

**Our spelling bee is...like in a couple weeks. The final round to pick the people to go is next week. Blah. x]**

**Yeah...shutting up now.**

**A/N: Leah is the most amazing person on the planet. iloveyou. Really, I do. :D Haha, our notes are longer than the chapter!**

**Song-Little House, the Fray and I Hate This Part, Pussycat Dolls**

**REVIEW.**


	25. UDA State Competition

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYY!!!! YAY!

* * *

**OMMS DANCE TEAM: UDA STATE COMPETITION, JAN. 10, 2009**

**Junior High Jazz - First Place**

**Junior High Hip-Hop - First Place**

**Awards: **

**Choreographer, Lindsay - Best Choreography Award [to OMMS for 'Intergalactic']**

**Soloist, Claire Bryman - Fourth Place (Hey, I was against high schoolers! Fourth in the state seems pretty good! haha)**

* * *

Congratulations to Sarah J and Rachel P for their solos. Though they did not place at either competitions, they still worked very hard on their routines and the dances were great! They were against high schoolers, too, so it is harder to place in the solo competitions. Amazing job y'all! We love you! :))

* * *

**OMMS DANCE TEAM: AMERICAN ALL-STARS STATE COMPETITION, JAN. 17, 2009**

**Junior High Jazz: First Place**

**Junior High Kick: First Place**

**Best Overall / Statewide: First Place, OMMS**

**Awards:**

**Choreographer, Lindsay - Best Choreography Award [to OMMS for 'Let Go']**

**Soloist, Haruka Naciel - Second Place**

**Ensemble, Katie, Lacey, Jordan, Anna Claire, Caitlin - Second Place**

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Here's our songs, they're great!

_Jazz:_ House Carpenter, Nickel Creek

_Hip-Hop:_ Intergalactic, Beastie Boys

_Kick:_ Let Go, Frou Frou

_Sarah:_ Walking On Air, Kerli

_Haruka:_ Untouched, the Veronicas

_Rachel:_ Numb, Linkin Park

_Me:_ Wanted, Vanessa Carlton

_Ensemble:_ The Dance, Charlotte Martin

* * *

Eeek! Every year, OMMS gets second place in everything while our rivial team, _that school,_ gets first. Then, _that school_ gets up on the stage and starts dancing around like animals, being VERY bad sports. OMMS hasn't won State since 2002, being squandered by _that school_. This year, that changed, and OMMS is taking over Nationals! Whoo! SQUASH THE SPARTANS, 2009!

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	26. Wishes

**Hey, hey, you you... help me, at the bottom. Please and thank you! It's sooo great yall don't know any of these people..**

* * *

_After all the things you put me through  
Tell me why I'm still in love with you  
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call  
You broke my heart  
I'm taking it back from you  
And taking back the life I gave to you  
Life goes on before and after you  
I've got some growing up to do._

-Wishes, Superchick

* * *

**EPOV**

I was ambushed just after I walked in the door.

"Edward!" Jasper crowed, jumping off the couch and leaping over to me, grinning.

"Hi?" I said. I pulled my sweatshirt off and tossed it into a chair. I was sweaty, and didn't really care much about what Jasper had to say. I just wanted to escape my reality. This was what I had been thinking about during my run, though I knew I should have been in the apartment unpacking rather than running around an unfamiliar campus thinking about my ex-girlfriend.

I mean, it wasn't like WU was a horrible place. It's just that I was now so deep in this hole with Bella, I was not positive I would be able to get out. And it was my first day back! This wasn't my fault at all. It was just Bella and her bizarre mood swings. She yells at me, then she kisses me. Was there a problem here, or was it just my imagination?

"Guess who came to see you?" Jasper sang. In this particular moment, he reminded me of Alice.

Bella? My heart lurched. No. I needed to calm down. Bella hated me.

If Bella hated me, why did she kiss me back?

Calm down. I'd spent at least thirty minutes agonizing over her. Why did she have to appear in every damn thought? Why did she have to pop into my mind every damn second? Why could I still feel her body pressed against mine?

I blinked, and then ran a hand over my face. "What are you talking about, Jasper?" I mumbled.

"Bella came by earlier!" he said. "So I guess that means that y'all made up, because she asked where you were and I told her you were out for a run… because you were…" He trailed off. Jasper was the King of Pointless Stories.

I dropped my hand to my side, and coughed. "That's great," I said, distracted. "Um, what did she want?"

"She said she left her jacket in your room," Jasper clarified. "Asked if she could run in and get it. I told her that was fine. She was in and out in about two seconds. Don't worry, I acted casual. I didn't want to embarrass you or anything, but I assumed it was good news that she was in your room." He winked, and guffawed.

"Get your mind out of the gutter," I told him, frowning. "Nothing happened between me and Bella. I just got yelled at a bit more." I left out the whole kissing detail. "She still hates my spleens."

Jasper's brow furrowed in concentration. "I thought humans only had one spleen…"

I sighed. Jasper was so gullible sometimes. I bent down to unlace my tennis shoes.

"Hang on a second," I said, thinking back to Jasper's explanation. "Didn't you say Bella asked for her jacket?"

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Why?"

"Because Bella wasn't wearing a jacket."

Jasper shrugged. "Huh." He moseyed back to his spot on the couch, uncaring. His news outbreak was over just as quickly as it come.

I watched him for a few seconds. Then I took off down the hallway, banging my door open and dashing inside.

Everything looked exactly the same as I left it. Suitcase on the ground, the various contents scattered across the floor, on the bed. My clothes I had shed to go running sat in the corner. My phone and keys still on the windowsill.

Except the box. The shoebox of letters, I knew for sure, were lying on the bed before I left. It was not there anymore.

I hurried across the room and to the bed, just to see if the box had somehow managed to get under the covers. The sheets were pulled to the pillows neatly, untouched. No box. I got on the floor and looked under the bed, around the bed. Still no box.

I got up. I could feel my heart beating. Bella had taken the letters. That much was undeniable. But why? What would she do with them? She couldn't even stand _looking_ at them, let alone reading them. All Bella wanted was to forget our past altogether, and she was already furious with me for making her remember again in the first place.

"Jasper?" I yelled out the door.

"Yeah?" he responded. He was still sitting on the couch, watching the TV.

"Did you see Bella walk out with a little big box?"

Jasper paused. "How in hell could Bella walk out with a 'little big box?'"

I exhaled in exasperation. "Whatever," I said. "Did you see her walk out with a shoebox?"

"Nah," replied Jasper. "She came in, she came out. End of story."

I grunted, then stared at the carpet mindlessly for a really long time. Then when my eyes began to water, I blinked and stood up.

"Hey, I'm going to go hunt down Bella, okay?" I said to Jasper, grabbing my coat and my keys.

"Sure. Have fun."

"I'll do what I can," I answered in a monotonous tone.

I walked down the hallway, and pondered where Bella could be. I didn't really know my way around WU _that _well, and I didn't know if there was some special park of pub that was popular among the students. I guessed I would just be driving around in my car for hours until I became too tired to see anymore.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**BPOV**

As I drove back to my apartment, I deliberated about what I should do with the letters. My two dominating options were, currently, either burning them in a massive fire somewhere, or making copies of them to keep in my room.

Wait, I only had one option. I couldn't keep them!

'Ggiirrll,' I told myself. 'You need to make up yo' mind. You either love that boy, or you don't. It ain't rocket science, girlfrien'.'

Then the little irritating voice in my head had to come into the conversation. _Don't get mad at Edward…_

Who asked you?!

_Well, I kind of have no choice but to direct your decisions…_

Why not?! Can't I, like, throw you into a wall or something?

_You can't throw me into a wall without throwing your brain into a wall as well._

Groaning, I drove into the apartment parking lot. I slammed the car door shut and stalked up the stairs and up to mine and Alice's floor. I refused to think about anything Edward-and/or-letter-related, so I concentrated on cussing out the Christmas parade earlier in French. It was hard to believe all this drama took place in one day. Today sort of reminded me of the books that are over 400 pages long, but all of it takes place in one day, or like that kind of dream that you wake up from covered in cold sweat because you're absolutely positive that it's happened before. If that made sense.

When I opened the door, Alice poked her head around the corner, a giant spoon in her hands.

"Hey! You're back!" she cheered. "Where have you been all day?"

I grunted in response, a complete opposite of Alice's obvious cheerfulness. I didn't really feel like talking much at the moment.

"That's great!" Alice said as if I had spoken. Then she began drabbling on and on, even though she probably knew I wasn't listening. "…And then Christopher was like, 'Dude, you're the gayest person alive' and Jesslyn goes, 'Listen, man, let's not make fun of others' and so then I get all up in his face like, 'Foo', whatchew talkin' 'bout? I ain't short, I'm fun-sized' and he laughed and got his buddy to tell me I wasn't from the ghetto and I told him my daddy would eat him and he said that if my daddy ate him then I would be a cannibalist and then Rosalie asked him what that meant and then we left and decided to go shopping with the boys where we ran into Ryan who told us that we all did good at the parade, and I guessed that meant you, too, and then Edward called about three minutes before you walked in the door and he said to watch out because you might not be in a good mood and I'm guessing you're not because if you were in a good mood you would have stopped me from talking this much by now." She sucked in one huge breath and stared at me.

"Are you going to say anything?" she demanded after a moment.

It took me a while to respond, and I when I did, I yelled. "I HATE EDWARD CULLEN!"

Alice squinched up her nose. "That's nice."

I folded my arms across my chest and didn't answer.

"Don't have such a hairy heart," reprimanded Alice, shaking a soup spoon at me. "Live love. Don't be hatin'."

When I didn't reply, she blinked, said, "Soup's ready!" and disappeared into the kitchen.

I just stood there for a long time.

"Bella, aren't you going to eat?" Alice eventually called from the kitchen.

"Too angry," I said.

"Oh, okay," said Alice. "Don't break anything."

"I'll try."

I tried to hide the box close to my side as I walked quickly past the kitchen door and to my room. I locked the door, and flung the shoebox into a wall. It smashed against the closet door with a resounding _thunk _and fell to the floor. I didn't bother picking it up.

"Ugh!!" I screamed, throwing myself on the bed and burying my face into the pillow.

Then I let it all out, and the tears streamed down my face freely. Tears of sadness, of confusion, and especially of anger. Why did Edward effect me like this? Why did he have to be so flawless? Why is it I could picture our whole life together with perfect clarity? Why did I keep mulling over his words? _"Forever and always…"_

I wished he were here. Wait, no I didn't. I didn't want him here. I didn't want him to be even six miles near me. I'd get a restraining order.

"Ugh!" I shrieked again. "Edward Anthony Cullen, why do you have to be so fucking perfect?!"

I saw snippets of a family in my mind. A tall man tucking a smaller, brown-haired woman under his arm while little bronze-haired children ran around them. The same man reading bedtime stories to those children while the woman watched him in admiration, the two adults sharing glances at each other every other second, like they couldn't keep their eyes off one another for more than two heartbeats. The man and woman sitting by themselves together in a thicket of grass, a checkered blanket underneath them, kissing and laughing, glowing in happiness.

Damn Edward. Damn him to last pit of hell where he belonged.

_Angels don't belong in Hell, Bella. _

Edward is not an angel! I fussed to the voice.

_Thackh! Quit lying to yourself!_

I couldn't take this any longer. I was coming apart at the seams, and all of it taking place in one day, because of one boy.

I had to vent out my anger _somehow,_ but I didn't know what. Punching someone in the gut (or some other painful area) may not be the best option…

Oh! People say that writing a letter but not actually sending it helped them. I decided to try that without putting much thought into it.

I found a white piece of paper and an envelope in the note kit Renee gave me freshman year, still sitting untouched in a drawer. I couldn't find a pencil, so I used a black ballpoint pen. Then I sat in the rolling chair in front of the desk, turned on the overhead light, and began to write.

_Dear Insane of Mind_, I wrote angrily.

_I really, really __hate you. A lot. You're a cocky, ignorant,__ inconsiderate, callous, ardent__, conceited, egotistical, bully! You're a mean one, Mr. Cullen! __You're a nasty, wasty skunk!__ You're such a fucking liar!! You've said so many things to me and I'm pretty positive you're gay! And so is your Mom, for _having _to find us that one night – oh, what was it – three years ago? And so is Charlie for having to explode on us! Nothing happened at all! It was the stupidest reason ever to get punished for, but we just _had_ to follow the rules and not ever talk to each other again! We got so caught up in each other then to have it all end…_

_We just _had_ to listen to the rumors, all about us, and we let everything get into our heads. I blame that on you. We _had_ to ignore each other… Did we ever even _try_ to talk it out? Everything slipped us by… I blame that on you, too. Actually, just to save paper, I basically blame everything on you. You were the one who invited me to that ludicrous One Night Stand at the lake. How the hell did you get a piano out there, anyway? Whatever. That's how our parents found us. We were almost adults! Who did they think they were to stop us?! _

_And why didn't we talk to each other after, once we were eighteen? I guess it was because I acquired amnesia. Yeah, that was totally your fault. And all those oh-my-God-I'm-so-depressed thoughts I had? Yeah, that's all your fault, too. Eat that one, Mr. Perfect._

_I wish we could erase the past. Then I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this anger note that you're not ever going to receive, because it wouldn't matter. We could live in the present, for the future, and not be in this huge, messy, chaotic love knot, but instead be friends. But that's not going to happen. Because I hate you, remember?_

_Yeah._

_Hate You Loads._

_Quite Clumsy._

I smiled in satisfaction and folded the letter in half, sticking it into the envelope. Then I licked the envelope closed, wrote 'Edward' on the front side, and kissed it (kissed the finished letter... because of the no-more-anger-ness, of course, not because it was Edward's name). I felt better.

But I also felt hungry. So I left the letter sitting on the desk, and got up to flounce into the kitchen, all happy and perky: a complete 180 from my earlier mood, about an hour and a half before.

"Hey Alice!" I said when I swung the kitchen door open.

"Hey Bella?" replied Alice warily.

"Is there any more soup left?" I asked, bounding to the fridge and grabbing a Coke can.

"Yeah, sure. In that pot on the stove." Alice pointed towards the said pot.

"Yay!" I crowed.

"Okay," said Alice as I helped myself to some soup. "Is it just me, or are you a whole lot happier than you were before?"

"I'm a whole lot happier than I was before."

"Okay. Good. I'm not crazy."

I stared at her for a second, then finished getting the soup. I sat down at the kitchen table and Alice left to the living room to watch House.

* * *

**APOV **(yeah, that's Alice, people. Calm down. Sorry for POV hopping all the time… I think it's just as annoying as you do. Don't ask me why I do it, though, because I don't know. I don't know why I do a lot of things.)

"I'm going to go watch House, Bella. Okay? Don't use the phone," I said, backing out of the kitchen door.

"Okay," responded Bella, blowing on her spoon. "See you."

"Sure." I walked out the door, then pushed it open again before it could swing closed all the way. "Oh, I'm taking out the mail in a minute, so don't try to use it to call anyone while I'm out there either."

Bella gave me an irritated look. "Why in the world would I want to use the phone?" she countered. "Who would I call? I don't want to call Rose, Jess, or Jake. There's no point in your warning." She poked the spoon into the bowl.

"Okay," I said. I walked out into the living room, picking up the bills.

Before I reached the table the mail was sitting on, I looked down and saw a dance sock on the floor. Or at least, that's what I thought it was. It wasn't like I was a dancer. "Oh, Bells, here's your –" I stopped, knowing she couldn't hear me through the door. I picked it up and walked into her room to put it on her bed where she would find it.

Once I did, though, I spotted a letter sitting on her desk, sealed and ready to go. I walked to it and took it in my hands, seeing the address to "Edward." It didn't have a last name or an address on it, and I assumed Bella meant to send it, so I grabbed a nearby pen and wrote in the missing information.

Walking back into the living room, I picked up the rest of the mail and headed downstairs to the post room, for it to be delivered. I didn't even bother wondering what the letter said. That wasn't my business, anyway.

Riiight…

-

_Beta'd by BubblyAmericanWriter1_

* * *

**A/N: ****So, this is what I did while I was wallowing... I'm so freaking confused! Why do boys have to be so damn complicated all the time! Help me!! I'll share with you my dilemma... help me pick! They're all giving me a migrane!**

**Michael: current friend. Smart, tall, sweet, ice blue eyes, on the track and cross country team, unintentionally hilarious. Perfect southern boy, loves God and church, doesn't act as perverted as most boys our age should.**

**John: ex-friend. We used to be close until I told him I liked him last year... we never talked after that, because we liked each other but never got any where. He's funny, and never gets embarrassed, and trusts his friends. He can be kind of sick when he's around his friends, but at least he covers it up around me. He's got that flippy blonde hair thing going on...**

**Josh: we're not really really close friends, but we talk often. But he's the kind of boy that every girl wants: cute, tall, student body president, too smart for his own good, easy-going, accepting, not judgemental, believes in long relationships, loves God and going to church, is hardly ever perverted at all, flirts unintentionally (I think), laughs a lot, friendly, soccer player. **

**Trying to decide is driving me insane. What do you think? Leah, help!**

**B/N: Well, since you really need my help, I'll tell you which one sounds like a total wanker to me: John sounds wrong. He sounds like all the guys at my school with the flippy blonde hair thing: Arrogant, over-confident, I'm-God's-Chosen-Guy-So-Love-Me...yeah.. I would choose between Michael or Josh....**

**PSST: If you don't want Michael give him to meeeee. He sounds like a total cutie :o ****....Oh and the story was nice too! x]**

**A/N: Okay, Leah. If I don't want Michael, I'll let you have him! Haha! Yeah, John can be an ass sometimes... :P PERSON-READING-THIS: ****YOU HELP TOO. When you review(: Tell me who you think is best! I'm so stuck in the middle of all this! ugh!**

**Song: Inside Out, Hillsong; Mad World, Gary Jules**


	27. Your Anything

**SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY this took so long. I love you all who stayed faithful and didn't lose interest. That's what I would have done.**

**RECAP ! This is this letter Bella wrote Edward to let out her feelings. We all know she doesn't mean any of it, though. And Alice found the letter and mailed it, because she didn't know what it was.**

_Dear Insane of Mind_,

_I really, really hate you. A lot. You're a cocky, ignorant, inconsiderate, callous, ardent, conceited, egotistical, bully! You're a mean one, Mr. Cullen! You're a nasty, wasty skunk! You're such a fucking liar!! You've said so many things to me and I'm pretty positive you're gay! And so is your Mom, for _having _to find us that one night – oh, what was it – three years ago? And so is Charlie for having to explode on us! Nothing happened at all! It was the stupidest reason ever to get punished for, but we just _had_ to follow the rules and not ever talk to each other again! We got so caught up in each other then to have it all end…_

_We just _had_ to listen to the rumors, all about us, and we let everything get into our heads. I blame that on you. We _had_ to ignore each other… Did we ever even _try_ to talk it out? Everything slipped us by… I blame that on you, too. Actually, just to save paper, I basically blame everything on you. You were the one who invited me to that ludicrous One Night Stand at the lake. How the hell did you get a piano out there, anyway? Whatever. That's how our parents found us. We were almost adults! Who did they think they were to stop us?! _

_And why didn't we talk to each other after, once we were eighteen? I guess it was because I acquired amnesia. Yeah, that was totally your fault. And all those oh-my-God-I'm-so-depressed thoughts I had? Yeah, that's all your fault, too. Eat that one, Mr. Perfect._

_I wish we could erase the past. Then I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this anger note that you're not ever going to receive, because it wouldn't matter. We could live in the present, for the future, and not be in this huge, messy, chaotic love knot, but instead be friends. But that's not going to happen. Because I hate you, remember?_

_Yeah._

_Hate You Loads._

_Quite Clumsy._

* * *

_I could be your favorite blue jeans  
With the holes in the knees  
In the bottom of the top drawer  
I could be your little beauty queen  
Just a little out of reach  
Or the girl living next door  
I'll be your angel giving up her wings  
If thats what you need  
I'd give everything to be your anything_  
Be your anything -Your Anything, Taylor Swift

* * *

**EPOV**

"Yo! Romeo!" Jasper banged his fist on the door. "Romeeeeoooo!"

I rolled over, just wanted to go back to sleep. "What?" I groaned.

"Mail." He slid an envelope under the door.

"Mmph," I said, sitting up and stretching. I had a funny dream last night… but I couldn't remember what it was….

I kind of sat there for a while. Staring at the floor was very interesting for one who is Not Quite Awake… I do that on the crapper, too.

Scratching my stomach and yawning, I got up and picked up the envelope, stilling trying to recall the dream. I thought Bella was in it… Whatever.

I opened the door to my room , and walked out to see Jasper – cooking? A cloud of smoke rose from the toaster and stove simultaneously.

"Jazz what are you doing?!" I yelped just as the smoke alert started beeping. I rushed to go turn it off.

"What was that for, man?" Jasper demanded easily. "You disrupted my mantra…"

"What the hell Jasper."

"I always have a mantra…"

"While you burn the house down?"

"Yeah…"

I shook my head. Jasper was a freak.

"So," Jasper said loudly, "what did the letter say?"

"I don't know," I answered. "I haven't opened it yet." As I said this I slipped my finger in the fold of the envelope and opened it easily.

"Hey, it's from Bella!" I said excitedly.

Jasper hurried over to read over my shoulder. I didn't really mind. He was going to see it eventually anyway, by fishing it out of the trashcan.

We when finished reading it, we started laughing.

"Did she seriously call you a nasty, wasty skunk?" Jasper said through fits of laughter.

"Yes I think she did!" I said, trying to control my laughter. Not working. I knew Bella was mad at me – livid, actually – but this letter was hilarious. "It's like she was watching the animated version of _The Grinch_ while she made this letter!"

"Seriously, man," laughed Jasper, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Hey, ya'll!" said a female voice from the front door.

"Hey, Jesslyn," Jasper greeted her. It was the girl from the parade and from that one time in that kid's apartment… she was friends with Bella and Alice. She had on a dress and boots with a jean jacket on top. Either she was freezing, or she was just crazy. Or both.

"Hey Jazz. And Edward." Jesslyn smiled in a knowing way. I looked at her and didn't say anything.

"Jess, look at this letter," Jasper said, taking the letter from my hand and giving it to Jesslyn. I wasn't very comfortable with her reading the letter – after all, it was _my_ letter, _my_ personal life. But from what I knew about Jesslyn, she can keep a secret, and she knows everything. Somehow.

She read the letter so fast her eyes blurred. When she was done she laughed heartily, shaking her head. "Bella, Bella, Bella…" She set her stormy eyes on me. "Edward, you know what this means, right?"

"Er, no?" I said.

"Bella. Loves. Edward." Jesslyn said slowly, as though talking to a three year old.

"No, no!" I said angrily. "Bella hates me! She said so herself!"

"Then why did she kiss you yesterday?"

I stared. "How did you know about that?"

"Edward, I thought you would know by now, that I know everything. Not only did you kiss once, but multiple times."

Jasper, who had been quiet throughout most of this conversation, said, "Oh my God, Edward!"

I ignored him. "What do I do?" I asked Jesslyn.

"Well, Bella's probably going to go on a walk by herself tonight after she finds out that Alice sent this letter – obviously, Bella didn't send it herself – and she'll need time just to clear her head. Meet her down there, and talk it over. I'm sure everything will work out fine."

"Are you sure?"

"When am I ever wrong?"

"Uh, I don't know? I don't really know you that well…"

Groaning, Jesslyn amended her statement. "Was I wrong the last time?"

I screwed up my face to remember. "I don't think so."

She smirked triumphantly.

I sighed. "Which park and what time?"

Jesslyn grinned. "Now we're getting down to business."

* * *

**BPOV**

I shoved papers and various make-up… things out of the way frantically. The letter was in my room, on the desk, yesterday, I knew it was! I made sure it was there before I went to eat soup! Alice went to watch House! It was in here, I knew it!

I turned on all the lights, as it was quickly growing dark outside, to see better.

"Alice!" I called. "Have you seen a letter any time recently?"

Alice bounded into my room, looking perky as usual. "I don't know, what did it look like?"

"Uh, it was white, in a envelope, addressed to Edward…"

"Sure, I saw it Bella!" Alice said happily. "I noticed it on your desk and addressed it for you. Put it in the mailbox last night. I expect Edward received it this morning or afternoon."

I dropped the pair of shoes I had been holding onto the floor as I stared at Alice's cheerful face. "You – you _mailed_ it?"

Alice nodded, the smile slipping off her face. "Why? Was I not supposed to? Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry I – "

"No, no, it's fine," I lied. Getting Alice worked up would be a terrible thing, on my part, as she would bug me with apologies until I killed myself. It wasn't fine at all. Normally, I would strangle Alice right now. Or maybe I would thrust an umbrella down her throat and open it. Or shove a walnut up her left nostril.

But I couldn't. I couldn't think. All I could do was sink into the desk chair and cover my head in my hands.

Alice walked out of the room eventually, but I sat like that for about an hour. When I stood up and checked the clock in my room, it was 7:47.

Acting on impulse, I grabbed my shoes and stuffed my feet inside. I threw on my coat and hat, walking into the living room.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked.

"Walk," I said, opening the door and stepping out without further comment.

Out of the apartment building, I ran down the sidewalk until I got to the nearest bench in the park. Slowing to a walk, I blew out my breath, watching it dance in front of me in the chill. I flopped down on the bench and assumed the position of burying my head in my hands, rubbing my eyes with my palms. I couldn't deal with all this right now.

At least the voice in my head shut up. The park was absolutely quiet, deserted other than me, sitting on a lonely, freezing bench under a dim streetlight.

"Oh my God," I moaned to myself, exhaling. "I swear…"

"Been down this road before, have we?" said a silky voice from behind me.

I jumped up from the bench screaming, and turned around to face the clump of trees. At first all I saw were his glowing green eyes, and his luminescent smile.

"Edward," I breathed.

"The guilt only shames us more," he said, as he stepped out of the woods and into the light.

_-_

_Beta'd by BubblyAmericanWriter1! I got a death threat for not updating, yall... yikes._

* * *

**A/N: Leah, I love you.**

**Readers, I love you, too.**

**Summer, I love you, you're the best season.**

**I'm HOPING to finish this story in about two or three more chapters.**

**Songs: Hear Me Now (Acoustic) - Framing Hanley; Fuzzy Blue Lights - Owl City**

**Sorry for leaving you hanging. I'll hopefully update again this week, because I'm going to the beach next week, then the week after than I have dance, then the week after than I'm going to Washington DC. Busy life. Plus, thanks for all the boy help! Most of you said Michael. Me and John don't talk anymore, me and Josh are too close to ever be like that, and Michael and I... well I don't know, Michael's a freak. He came over to my house for a party and we had to lock him in the closet.**

**_REVIEW._ Leah, I love you more than Kellan Lutz does. This chapter's on it's way.**

**_B/N: Well, seeing as how Kellan doesn't even know I exist, I expect you DO love me more. :) I'm pretty sure I said Michael was the guy for you, so. Aha all guys are freaks, don't worry._**

**_I liked this chapter and I cannot wait for more. I actually thought you had given up on FanFic. I was prepared to lead a search-and-rescue party to get you to update again. Hehe._**

**_Love it. No errors! Yay!_**

**_-L_****  
**

**A/N: Haha, I love yyewww(:**

**now, review or die.**


	28. Jasey Rae

**RECAP!**

"**Oh my God," I moaned to myself, exhaling. "I swear…"**

"**Been down this road before, have we?" said a silky voice from behind me.**

**I jumped up from the bench screaming, and turned around to face the clump of trees. At first all I saw were his glowing green eyes, and his luminescent smile.**

"**Edward," I breathed.**

"**The guilt only shames us more," he said, as he stepped out of the woods and into the light.**

* * *

_I've never told a lie,  
and that makes me a liar,  
I've never made a bet,  
but we gamble with desire,  
I've never lit a match,  
with intent to start a fire,  
but recently the flames  
are getting out of control._

-Jasey Rae, All Time Low

* * *

"What are you talking about?" I demanded.

In reply, Edward just took a step closer to me.

"Go away!" I shouted. "I don't want you near me. I don't like what you're doing. What are you doing? Stop it!" Edward ingored me and kept advancing towards where I was rooted to the ground, his emerald eyes shining with amusement. I was reminded forcibly of the summer of senior year… _stop._

But Edward had _saved_ me then. He had comforted me and cared for me when he only knew me as Alice's Best Friend and the girl he runs into all the time.

I had been assulted, but Edward had helped me move past that. He had been like a talisman that kept my thoughts away from what had happened, giving me strength to tell other people and to move on.

_Forever and always._

Edward was so close I could feel his warm breath tickling my face. I didn't move away, and I couldn't tear my eyes away from his.

"Stop it," I repeated weakly.

Edward chuckled lightly. "I'm not doing anything, Bella."

I stepped back but didn't break eye contact. "Tell me how you could possibly have the guts to show your face in front of me?" I asked him quietly. "After you know what I think about you, thanks to that goddamn letter?"

Edward surprised me by laughing again. "Bella, you and I both know that you didn't mean any of that shit." But he dropped his gaze, hiding his jade eyes from me behind his long lashes.

"How would you know? It's not like you can read minds, Edward."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

I stared at him. His eyes flashed up to mine abruptly, and he said, "Follow me."

He took my hand in his and took off, and I had no choice but to follow. Not that I was objecting – the tingles that shot through my arm at his touch brought a smile to my face.

Edward led me straight to the Music Wing of campus. I don't even know how Edward knew where it was, seeing as it was only his second day to be at UW, but there we were, looking through the glass at all the instruments lined up inside.

I was panting with the exertion of our jog, but Edward was grinning happily down at me. You would have thought he did this sort of thing every day – shocking a girl in the park, ambushing her with his astonishingly green eyes, grabbing her hand, and running around with her, that is.

Edward let go of my hand once he realized he was still holding onto it.

"What the hell, Edward?" I grumbled, an attempt to cover for how cold my hand suddenly felt after he let go. "Why are we here?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

"Where'd you get a key?" I asked incredulously.

"Jesslyn Martin," he said simply, swinging the door open and holding it, waiting for me to walk in. "Ladies first."

"Remind me to kill her later," I said. Edward chuckled.

The inside of the Music Wing was dark and eerie, all the big instruments looming in corners and casting odd shadows on the gray floor. Edward took my hand again and gently tugged me away from examining a twig-like instrument that I had never seen before.

He led me to a hallway on the left of the lobby, and opened the first door on the right. It was completely dark, as there were no windows. Edward shut the door, and I was afraid.

"Edward?" I said anxiously. "What's going on?"

"Shhh," he said. I couldn't see him, and his voice sounded more distant than I expected.

I backed up until my back was pressed against the wall. What was he doing? And why was I not yelling at him? After all he's done to me, I'm letting him seduce me. I'm sure the seduction was unintentional, but I couldn't stop staring at him. If I could see him, that is. I had a feeling we weren't supposed to be here.

"Edward, I – "

My protests were cut short by one long, low sound. It was followed by more, a combination of high and low notes strung together to make a complex melody. The tune was so familiar to me… but the memory, I couldn't place… a dream, perhaps?

I could remember a vast lake, with the silvery moonlight reflecting off the calm waters. I could remember candles placed all over a large meadow, and a grand piano sitting in the corner…

I slowly brought a shaking hand up to cover my mouth. This was his music… _my_ lullaby, that Edward had written me so long ago. It was so elaborate. It took me a moment to realize that there were tears streaming silently down my face. I didn't bother to wipe them away.

I couldn't believe this. At all. This had to be a joke, I had to get out of here, out of this room…

But I couldn't. I couldn't move. The piano's resonance had me rooted to the spot, though I was sure that I didn't want to go anywhere. Edward was just too perfect.

The music stopped abruptly. "What was that?" asked Edward questioningly.

"I didn't say anything," I said.

"You said, 'Edward is just too perfect,'" he quoted.

"Shit," I swore, "did I seriously say that out loud?"

Edward laughed quietly, the sound more beautiful to me than the piano.

"Recognize it?" he said.

I nodded, but of course he didn't see me. So I said a brief, "Yes."

I knew Edward was smirking.

"Just get me out of here," I said suddenly.

"What? Why?"

"I can't – I can't deal with all this right now." I felt along the side of the wall until I found the doorknob; I tugged on it and the door opened with a _bang_. I charged out of the piano room and into the lobby, not bothering to glance behind me to see if Edward had followed. Outside in the crisp December air, the tears that were positively pouring down my cheeks smarted against the cold. I didn't care. I had to keep going, keep running away from Edward. I couldn't allow myself to get any closer to him. Not after before.

Then why was my heart aching to return to him? Why were the tears flooding down my face for him?

I stopped running when I reached the park again. I knew Edward would follow me, and, sure enough, a few minutes later he came jogging up to me. I turned my face away. I didn't want him to see me like this – my eyes were puffy and red, and I was sobbing so hard my whole body was shaking.

"Hey," Edward said gently, putting his hands on my shoulders and turning my body to face him. "Hey, there's no need to cry, love. It's just me." He put a hand behind my head and eased it forward so that it was resting on his chest. It was comfortable there. I grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and cried onto his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him. Funny, how he was the one I was crying over but he was the one who was comforting me.

We stood there for what seemed like forever. By the time I was done crying, Edward's shirt was soaking wet with the salt of my tears. I smiled sheepishly at him.

"Sorry," I mumbled, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.

"It's no problem, Bella. I should be the one saying sorry."

I stared at his angelic face for a moment, while he examined his shoes. I knew that I had to push him away again, though I did not want to.

_Been down this road before, have we?_

I shook my head to clear it, telling myself that what I was doing was right.

"I'm sorry, Edward. For everything."

I turned away from him and trudged back to the sidewalk, headed towards the apartment, raging a war with myself internally.

I had to let him go.

_You don't have to do anything._

I can't deal with this right now.

_Deal with what? You know you love him!_

I don't know anything! I know I _do not_ love Edward Cullen. And what about Jacob?

_To hell with Jacob! Did you ever really care for him anyway?_

To be honest with myself, I didn't really care for Jacob. Since Edward came I hadn't spared Jake even a single thought. Jacob was just a friend, someone I could rely on when I couldn't rely on anyone else.

"_Forever and Always."_

And what was I going to do about Jesslyn? She knew too much for her own good, she always did. I think she knew even more than Alice did. Alice really scared me sometimes with how much she knew. And Charlie? What would he say if he found out about me being with Edward?

"_We'll be the twenty-first century _Romeo and Juliet_."_

Why should I care about Charlie? I was in college now, for the _love_ of _China_! Why had I let Charlie boss me around like that, when I really was the kind of girl who would take no shit from no one? I could've been with Edward all this time if I hadn't been a good girl and kept my nose clean. I wonder how things would have turned out if I had had the guts to disobey my father's commands. Now, I wasn't the type of girl to listen to what anyone said, even Charlie, who owned a gun. I had been such a pushover.

"_I love you, Isabella Swan. Please don't forget me."_

I wheeled around on my heel. "Edward," I said.

Edward, who had been shambling across the grass to the sidewalk across the park, turned to look at me. "What," he said, his voice monotonous. I killed me to know what I did to his heart, just by walking away a few minutes ago.

I took a deep breath. "I have lived these past few years with my heart wrecked. All this time, I thought I didn't need anything but my friends and dance to make me feel better. But I needed something more, I was just too numb inside to realize it. Then during the parade, when you came along, I realized how ripped up I was inside." I paused and walked towards Edward, stopping a few yards away from where he was.

"Since that summer before our senior year of high school, I had been living with a broken heart. I tried dating other boys to see if they could mend it, but no one could. All they brought along was some flimsy Scotch tape. Then there's you, Edward." I laughed hollowly. "You waltzed into my life again, carrying a needle and some thread. Since the parade, I can _literally_ feel you sewing my heart back together.

"What I'm saying is, in every girl there's some moronic boy who rips her heart apart. They're miserable inside until they can find the perfect person to put it back together again. You're that person, Edward. I love you."

Edward just stood there in astonishment. When he didn't say anything, I let out a dry laugh and bounded towards him, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him full on the lips. He didn't respond for a moment, and I thought I must have done something wrong; I opened my eyes and made to let go. Then I felt him smile against my lips, and his eyes met mine. He locked his arms around my waist and lifted my feet off the ground, spinning me around in a circle, kissing me soundly until I was out of breath. I looked up to the sky and laughed joyfully, then met Edward's eyes again. He was beaming at me.

"I love you, too, Bella," he said softly. "I always have, and I always will."

I drew away from his vice grip around me to study his face more carefully.

"Forever and always?" I said.

Edward laughed. "Forever and always," he agreed, kissing me again.

After a moment, we broke apart. Sighing contentedly, I rested my head against his chest. "Hey," I said, leaning back, "your shirt isn't wet anymore."

Edward rolled his eyes at me. "Way to ruin the moment, Bella." But I could hear the adoration in his voice. I smiled. "Besides," he said, "that was thirty minutes ago."

"Was it really?" I said in amazement. "Wow." I settled back into his chest, breathing in his scent.

It was extremely dark outside by this point, and colder than ever. Snow began to flurry around up, landing softly on the ground and resting in our hair and we stood in the middle of the park together.

Edward kissed me deeply, and I kissed him right back, tangling my fingers in his hair.

When we broke apart, Edward stared into my eyes intensely.

"What is it?" I said nervously after a moment of this.

"You're just too perfect, Bella," he said.

I laughed flatly. "You're funny, Edward."

He raised his eyebrows and grabbed one of my hands, playing with my fingers as he spoke. "No, I'm serious. I love you more than you could ever imagine, Isabella Swan. From here on out, I will follow you wherever you go. I'll never let you leave my sight; it pains me too much to see you go. You've run away from me one too many times."

I took his hand that was fiddling with mine and turned it over, kissing his palm. "I love you, Edward Cullen. I'm such an idiot for not realizing I should have been with you a long time ago."

He grinned. "You have no idea how long I've waited just to hear you say those words."

He kissed me thoroughly once again, and we stayed like that as the snow fell softly to the ground all around us.

-

_Being sent to BubblyAmericanWriter1... the power is going out... ack!_

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**A/N: Okay. last chapter, next is the Epilouge, which is... the last last chapter. of forever.**

**Okay... so... what'd ya think? **

**I've definately lost readers because it took so long to update. :( Eh. Now that it's summer I'll have more time... after the beach next week. Then after dance the week after at night; then the next week I'll be in Washington, as you know... then in July, I can post after Band Camp! Yay... band camp... that will be my downfall. NOT looking forward to it.**

_**B/N: -cries- -blows nose- -looks in tissue- Okay..ew! This was amazing and I'm so glad I am able to Beta for Claire. Such a good writer and she has such a good heart too! Now, if I were me, I would have added a bit more comedy to it. Maybe have Bella blow her nose and then look? :) I didn't have to edit a thing! Yay!**_

_**Claire is one of the best author's ever! I am proud to be her BETA.**_

_**Love you, Claire. :)**_

**_-L_  
**

**A/N: I love you too!! You're the awesome-est Beta anyone could ever have. :D**

**Songs: If I could See Your Face Again - Yiruma; Beauty In the Breakdown (Acoustic) - the Scene Anesthetic**

**Quote- **

**Megan: OMG did you know Edward was in Harry Potter?**

**Me: yeah...?**

**Megan: Oh. Well, it was playing in my parent's room... and when I went to go tell my dog to shut up, Edward was just there, on the screen...**

**Megan is retarted.**

**REVIEW. the power's going out!! **


	29. Epilouge, Four Years Later

songs: Technicolor Eyes - Backseat Goodbye and Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap.

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**Four Years Later...**

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**EPOV**

"Did I already tell you that you looked beautiful?" I murmured.

Bella giggled. "Yes. And, if I do say so myself, you're looking quite dashing in that tux."

"Mrs. Isabella Cullen. Now you're all mine."

I kissed Bella deeply, trying to let her know through that kiss of just an inkling of how happy I was. It was our wedding reception, just after I had slipped a ring on Bella's finger.

"Bella!" Alice called. "It's time for you to throw your bouquet!"

"Oh, right," said Bella. "I'll be right there." She kissed me quickly, picked up her dress so it didn't drag the floor, and stood on the platform, facing backwards. My heart swelled with pride just looking at her. She was so perfect, I could hardly believe it. And now here we were, she was mine, I was hers, and we were starting our new lives together.

Bella clumsily tossed the patch of flowers over her shoulder, and the action was followed by the squeals of the women. Figures – Jesslyn Martin caught it. I laughed quietly to myself as Bella turned to look who had caught it, blushing. Alice, my sister, smacked Jesslyn playfully on the arm, pouting. Ah, I guess some things never change.

Suddenly I caught a whiff of something burning. Why did things always have to burn at weddings? Something burned at Emmett's and Rosalie's too! It was either Carlisle, my father, or Jasper Hale, my best friend. I ran towards the smell as Bella busied herself with her friends.

"Jasper!" I shouted as soon as I found him inside the church kitchens. "I told you this already, _no mantras at the wedding!_"

Jasper pouted. "But Alice said I could…"

"No. Just stop."

"Edward!" boomed a voice from the kitchen doorway. "I knew I'd find you here."

Jacob Black bounded his way into the kitchen and patted me on the back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper turn off the stove.

"Hello, Jacob," I said cordially. "It sure is nice to see you."

"Yeah, man! Three years since we got out of college, eh?" He sighed in reminisce. "College. Good times."

"Yeah…"

"Anyway, the photographer for the wedding is looking for you, said some nonsense about pictures in the sunset or something… strange man…"

I didn't say anything. All my friends are freaks.

"Congratulations on the marriage, Edward," Jacob said. "Snagged yourself a great gal." He patted me on the back and moseyed off to talk to Jasper.

I walked out of the kitchen and nearly ran into Hunter Martin, Jesslyn's older brother. He was a lawyer now, and doing a great job at it, too.

"Edward!" he said in surprise. "I was just looking for you. I want you to meet someone…"

He led me into the back room, where Bella and I had met up before we left to get prepared for the wedding. Bella's purse and my wallet, among other things, were stored in this room.

Bella was standing next to a man, looking at me. I smiled at her. She grinned back. She was so beautiful.

"This is the photographer, Gerald Karthe," Hunter said. I studied the man. He had a beard and his skin was wrinkled from old age, though his eyes sparkled with youth. I liked him already; I made a mental note to thank Alice for planning for the best.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," Gerald said, extending a hand to me. I shook it.

"Now, before we start taking pictures, I'd like a bit of background information about the bride and groom." Gerald fumbled with the black thing, which was a huge camera. "How did you two meet?" he asked me and Bella.

We exchanged looks. "Um, it's kind of a long story," I said. I walked to the counter, where a large black binder rested. It was falling apart and papers were filed neatly to the top of the binder. I gingerly picked it up and set it in Gerald's hands. Bella looked at me – she knew what this was. "But my notebook will explain."

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**AAAAANNNNDDDD that's it. The end. Great ending line, eh?**

**Now read 1810, my new focus of Twilight stories. I'm also starting something on harrypotterfanfiction(dot)com about.. well.. Harry Potter. **

**Review, please, and thank you to everyone who's stuck with me throughout those months when everyone thought I died. Thanks especially to Leah, my Beta, who is hilarious. I love you. And I didn't send this to you because it's a surprise!! SURPRISE!**

**this story is now complete. Finally. :)**

**-Claire. If you have any questions or anything to say, send me a PM or IM me at liveYOURlife75. Don't be afraid to send me something, I don't bite... because I know I'd be afraid if it were me. So yeah. Review.**


	30. SideAlong Story Now Up ' Explain This

Hey guys. It's another Author's Note. I'm pretty bad about putting these all over the story. My bad.

**So, there were requests to make a _side-along story_ about how Edward's parents took the news he and Bella were getting _married_. Also more people wanted to see more of Jesslyn. **

**So I combined that and made EXPLAIN THIS, a MNWE extra. It's on my page.**

**Go read it.**

**Now.**

There's a party in your bedroom all night long.

Whoaaaa now.

Ughhhhh I hate BAND CAMP. I'm on dance team. We do band. Band camp for eight hours for two months. 7AM-12PM, then from 6-9PM. It sucks.

I'm a scientistsssss. Yarrrr OMG I changed my Facebook language to Pirate!! It was SO FREAKING CONFUSING. It was like, "Check Yer Bottle O' Messages" or something and like, "Ship To Yer Maties"and stuff. REPORT FIRE

So. (This isn't bold because it's random and not important)

So looking back at this story we've been through a lot. Random old songs such as Fall For You and annoying songs such as Hot N Cold and Taylor Swift/Zaxby's obsessions. I'm over that. Now I'm obsessed with All Time Low and acoustic music.

BookmarkBella. She's awesome. And pretty. And likes All Time Low, too. Check her out :D

AHHH RUN FROM THE LIONS.

Just kidding. There aren't lions here, silly.

**_Explain This._**

**Check it out.** It sucks. Like this note. And this whole story in general.

I know I said this story was complete. I guess not. Bummer.

Right.

**_EXPLAIN THIS._**

**read it.**

**like it.**

**review it.**

_or die._

Yeah well I gotta go watch So You Think You Can Dance now. So read **_Explain This._**

Love,

Claire/xiiluvyuhhx/Bryman/liveYOURlife075/creeper/whatever. fall off a cliff.

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**Explain This. (:**


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